Mission Six: Valcentica: Selected Field Reports [Alec]
Mission Title: Valcentica, Selected Field Reports
Canon: Harry Potter, sort of
Rating: T, for swears
Agents: Trevelyan, A.
Time Period: March 2007-May 2010 HST
Target: ...half the students at the school?
Word Count: 2,801
Source Summary: Yes, folks, I've been threatening this for years. Here's the summary of the Valcentica RP mission from ten years ago. Get ready.
Pay no attention to the time weirdness on the dates, as some reports may come in dated before previous ones; I’m going by thread dates.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 15/04/2007
Look, I really do not see the need to file regular reports instead of just one at the conclusion of the mission. I sincerely doubt it's going to take that long.
Have successfully infiltrated canon in order to keep an eye on sleeper agent Callahan, K. and monitor Sue activity, due to Suvian influence being more intense than previously expected, and extracting the charges from her memories may not be enough. Cover as Defense Against the Dark Arts professor is airtight. Two targets have already been sighted: Renasance Marie Masters-Riddle and Blaze Blackia Fury-Riddle, both half-vampire Voldemort-spawn. Given that this is a joint DMS/BRP mission, I expect to see many more.
Have already gotten in a fight with them as they were being Mary Sues in my class, and am seriously on the verge of peeing all over the classroom to assert my dominance.
Will not, though, as that is unsanitary (and would blow my cover).
Callahan came to assist me in that fight, which is both endearing and worrying. Will keep you updated as situation develops.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 02/06/2007
Message received, 'play by the rules'.
Update on Callahan: the memory-barrier seems to be fraying. Class today was on Boggarts, and hers was the whole Team dead and accusing her of it being her fault. I'll continue to monitor her status closely and recommend extraction if things get too dire. She's never had the self-restraint I have about being surrounded by this many Sues.
Some of the kids here are actually not terrible. I may recommend some for PPC recruiting with some additional observation, if they prove not to be completely useless.
Some of them, though, are just the worst people in this or any universe.
In addition to Masters and Fury, there is also Natsuko Kinomoto, who may or may not be a stripper. (I honestly have no idea.) She apparently contains an Earth Goddess within her body, and grows bunny ears and a tail when she is, ahem, "extra happy" (her words, not mine. Also, nobody asked her). Another one, a "fairy", is called Darkness Falls - seriously. There is also an "elf prince", Rashka D'Anio, and twin sisters Cammie Lissy Raines, or "Trix", and Lainey Alicia Raines, or "Coco". The sisters appear to be stereotypical "gangstas". I have no idea why. They appear to be strippers along with Kinomoto.
Masters apparently went to a PR consultant and completely redid her image, because she is no longer an Enoby Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way-style goth, but a "prep". That didn't last very long in my class, because at the slightest hint of mockery by a fellow student she turned into a demon and attacked him. Additionally, she now has angel, fairy, Veela, and demon blood. If I knew how or why, I would tell you.
After yesterday's fight, I took the liberty of installing force-feedback spells on every hard surface in my classroom. Hopefully that will dissuade any future fights, but given the track record so far, I'm not holding my breath. It hasn't done much to dissuade Masters from attacking me, after all.
I'm also keeping an eye on two of the professors - Claire Delune, the Transmogrification professor, and Ocean Skii Higiri. Delune seems to be a mermaid between one day and the next, and I just get a bad feeling about Higiri, whose heritage changes almost daily. I think she’s part moon fairy and “neko-youkai” now. I've learned to trust my gut.
I tried to set up a duel between Masters and one of the other students to keep the bloodlust to acceptable venues only. That went about as well as you would expect.
Two days teaching, and I think we should nuke this entire thing from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 13/06/2007
Well, now things are getting interesting.
We’ve got a new student - Karia Sto-Helit, who is, brace up, the daughter of Susan Sto Helit and Jonathan Teatime. Who is also an incubus. Look, I just write the reports, I don’t come up with this. She has a younger brother, Rupert Teatime, who is...part alien? I don’t know. I don’t know. He’s an mpreg baby. I don’t know.
The stripper trio are now goths. Kinomoto is now “Divinity”, C. Raines is now “Storm”, and L. Raines is now “Hysteria”.
The less said about Gensing Lazurus, the better. I think he got lost on the way to a Halo fanfic.
There is also Lunis Majere, who is relatively harmless and a little bit silly. Arden Farnsworth is obnoxious, but no threat.
Higiri seems to be an elf queen of some sort. None of this makes sense. I’ll be billing Upstairs for my increased whisky consumption while I’m here.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 29/05/2007
Callahan died.
I fixed it, though.
Don't ask how.
One of the other students - Selena Tiber, a half-dark fairy - was fighting her and pushed back on her mentally, trying to control her. This caused the barrier to shatter and physically rupture parts of her brain with the dissonance. I have reworked the spell to make it more pliable.
I don't care that being sparse on the details may result in a dock of pay or other punishment. I don't want to talk about it.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 13/06/2007
The barrier seems to be holding up much better now.
Everything else, however, has completely gone to shit.
The Raines sisters shot themselves during a Transmogrification lesson. I am not kidding. This actually happened. So, that’s two fewer Sues for me to take care of when the recon is over, I suppose.
Voldemort has shown up with a bunch of Death Eaters and Dementors, and Delune was replaced with a Death Eater, too (Abigail Dobrinick, apparently). I have to say, for all that Lazurus appears to be something out of a particularly ridiculous video game, he’s not bad to have by your side in a fight.
On the plus side, I’ve discovered that I can still parkour when I need to.
Lazurus has a relative, named Novgood Lazurus. They seem to be cut from the same obnoxious cloth.
I am going to kill the rest of the Team when I get back for sending me a Howler about Callahan’s death in class. I am going to murder them. This is your heads-up to get them to a secure location before I get back. Because I will murder them.
I seem to have a teaching assistant. Who is Mordechai Anielewicz? He claims to be IDF. Is he one of ours? If not, what is wrong with this place?
There’s some High Inquisitor from the Spanish Ministry poking around. Audrey Greene. I’ll be investigating her right back.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 15/08/2007
Look, I don’t care if it’s not “playing by the rules”, a practical class where the students fight Inferi is perfectly acceptable.
Also, requisitioning more wrenches. They’re surprisingly aerodynamic and fun to throw at students.
I’m a great teacher. I think I was born to do this.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 21/06/2007
Higiri’s paying me more attention. She’s a little bit obsessed with me. I need to be on my guard - I really am getting a bad feeling from her. Call it agent’s intuition.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 25/06/2007
At the risk of sounding unprofessional, God, I hate these kids.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 05/07/2007
Higiri is alarmingly pregnant after one day, and is telling everyone that I am the father. This is obviously not the case. Aside from everything else, I know better.
Apparently her kind have a 24-hour gestation period. Requesting authorization to take the child/children into protective custody, as I am quite sure she is not parent material.
She has also proposed to me, which I rejected like a reasonable human being. All things considered, I think she took it rather well.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 20/07/2007
Interestingly - and worryingly - we have two displaced canonicals here, Jack O’Neill and Samantha Carter from Stargate: SG-1. They seem to be fully integrated into this universe and SG-1 at the same time, which is confusing, but honestly no less confusing than anything else happening here. Carter is the Astronomy professor.
This could be a problem.
For Disentanglers, obviously. No, I will not do Disentangler work anymore. It was bad enough the last time.
There’s also Siberius Black - yes, really - who appears to be affiliated with the Lazuruses, and Jack Garner, who claims to be a postman. I’ll be keeping a close eye on them.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 20/08/2007
Oddly enough, it appears that Sto-Helit and her brother are not actually Sues. They’re noncanon as hell, and very weird, but they’re not Sues. They’re people. Despite all the rest of their backgrounds. Recommending them for future recruitment.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 21/08/2007
No, I do not need immediate extraction for mental health eval. Sto-Helit volunteered to keep an eye on Agent Callahan. She knows I’m not normal and neither is Callahan. She can tell.
At this point, she essentially has probationary agent status. She’s a surprising asset to the mission, and frankly, I’ll recruit backup in this situation if I damn well feel like it. This entire situation is so fucked I don’t even have the words for it, and nobody else is allowed to come in after me.
I have the distinct feeling that this mission is meant to be a suicide one. Who the hell decided to float this to Callahan, knowing damn well her sense of duty wouldn’t not let her take it?
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 30/07/2007
Death Eaters invaded the castle at the end-of-term feast.
We proceeded to ignore them all and have a rousing karaoke session.
I’m serious.
Nobody here cares about Death Eaters anymore. Maybe we would if they didn’t ineffectually attack every so often…
Ah yes, and Masters and Fury are Death Eaters again. I’d almost forgotten.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 01/08/2007
Nope.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 02/08/2007
I give up.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 03/08/2007
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Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 04/08/2007
Fine!
I heard a joke once about what “Navy” is an acronym for - Never Again Volunteer Yourself. I’m going to take that lesson to heart. Next time, I’ll get voluntold. Because if this is what happens when I willingly choose a mission, I want to drink bleach with a Drano chaser.
This whole scenario has apparently become sentient, calls itself “the Story”, and seems to delight in tormenting me.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 08/09/2007
Why is there a baby dragon running around the castle? Who let Catherina Trovinsky have a dragon? I have so many questions.
There’s a girl who’s half-Dementor, Alida Anterfrith. No, I am not making this up. You can come see for yourself.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 26/08/2007
I am going to kill Vissiand Morgale with my own two hands. Fuck the charge list.
Idiot brought the kidnapped son of a demon lord to the school, so now this Ashkahn thing is going to invade us. Can I please get some backup? Or at least someone to keep me from committing a murder?
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 27/08/2007
Stop the mission, I want to get off.
No, not like that.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 04/09/2007
Great. Now Morgale’s sister is here too. Kithandre Morgale is just as irritating as her brother. She brought the entire Blackwing Clan of vampires, so this is going to end well.
I want it noted in my file that I hate vampires.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 01/10/2007
I have no idea what I have done in my life to deserve this punishment, but whatever it is, I am truly sorry.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 09/10/2007
The Stargate: SG-1 canonicals may present an issue. As far as I can tell, they’ve been AUed in, and Carter especially has been altered. Disentanglement may not work for her. I’ll keep you updated.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 22/10/2007
Ashkahn is almost here. We’re all preparing for a pitched battle.
How did this even happen? This was just supposed to be a Hogwarts ripoff with a bunch of obnoxious Mary Sues. Just a recon mission, they said. It’ll be short, they said.
I hate all of them, and I hate all of you.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 04/11/2007
Why is my life?
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 24/01/2008
Pitched battle starts in the morning.
If you never hear from me again, I died.
Don’t let anyone touch my stuff.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 13/07/2010
Well, I didn’t die.
I mean, I did, but it didn’t stick.
Callahan did something. I’m not quite sure what. But I think she did something with the barrier when she saw me die and completely lost her shit, to use a vulgar yet appropriate turn of phrase. She used too much power and has slept ever since. When I went to see her, she looked like she almost recognized me for me, but then the barrier held.
Apparently, there was some kind of time warp, and three days here became three years in HST. That’s not ideal.
I think it’s time for us to leave once she’s on her feet again. Something doesn’t seem right. Canon feels different now.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Valcentica
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 17/08/2010
...uh-oh.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Valcentica
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 17/08/2010
Out of curiosity, what’s the protocol for accidentally creating a new canon?
Asking for a friend.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Valcentica
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 17/08/2010
Oh, shit, this is going to be so much paperwork.
Canon: Harry Potter, sort of
Rating: T, for swears
Agents: Trevelyan, A.
Time Period: March 2007-May 2010 HST
Target: ...half the students at the school?
Word Count: 2,801
Source Summary: Yes, folks, I've been threatening this for years. Here's the summary of the Valcentica RP mission from ten years ago. Get ready.
Pay no attention to the time weirdness on the dates, as some reports may come in dated before previous ones; I’m going by thread dates.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 15/04/2007
Look, I really do not see the need to file regular reports instead of just one at the conclusion of the mission. I sincerely doubt it's going to take that long.
Have successfully infiltrated canon in order to keep an eye on sleeper agent Callahan, K. and monitor Sue activity, due to Suvian influence being more intense than previously expected, and extracting the charges from her memories may not be enough. Cover as Defense Against the Dark Arts professor is airtight. Two targets have already been sighted: Renasance Marie Masters-Riddle and Blaze Blackia Fury-Riddle, both half-vampire Voldemort-spawn. Given that this is a joint DMS/BRP mission, I expect to see many more.
Have already gotten in a fight with them as they were being Mary Sues in my class, and am seriously on the verge of peeing all over the classroom to assert my dominance.
Will not, though, as that is unsanitary (and would blow my cover).
Callahan came to assist me in that fight, which is both endearing and worrying. Will keep you updated as situation develops.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 02/06/2007
Message received, 'play by the rules'.
Update on Callahan: the memory-barrier seems to be fraying. Class today was on Boggarts, and hers was the whole Team dead and accusing her of it being her fault. I'll continue to monitor her status closely and recommend extraction if things get too dire. She's never had the self-restraint I have about being surrounded by this many Sues.
Some of the kids here are actually not terrible. I may recommend some for PPC recruiting with some additional observation, if they prove not to be completely useless.
Some of them, though, are just the worst people in this or any universe.
In addition to Masters and Fury, there is also Natsuko Kinomoto, who may or may not be a stripper. (I honestly have no idea.) She apparently contains an Earth Goddess within her body, and grows bunny ears and a tail when she is, ahem, "extra happy" (her words, not mine. Also, nobody asked her). Another one, a "fairy", is called Darkness Falls - seriously. There is also an "elf prince", Rashka D'Anio, and twin sisters Cammie Lissy Raines, or "Trix", and Lainey Alicia Raines, or "Coco". The sisters appear to be stereotypical "gangstas". I have no idea why. They appear to be strippers along with Kinomoto.
Masters apparently went to a PR consultant and completely redid her image, because she is no longer an Enoby Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way-style goth, but a "prep". That didn't last very long in my class, because at the slightest hint of mockery by a fellow student she turned into a demon and attacked him. Additionally, she now has angel, fairy, Veela, and demon blood. If I knew how or why, I would tell you.
After yesterday's fight, I took the liberty of installing force-feedback spells on every hard surface in my classroom. Hopefully that will dissuade any future fights, but given the track record so far, I'm not holding my breath. It hasn't done much to dissuade Masters from attacking me, after all.
I'm also keeping an eye on two of the professors - Claire Delune, the Transmogrification professor, and Ocean Skii Higiri. Delune seems to be a mermaid between one day and the next, and I just get a bad feeling about Higiri, whose heritage changes almost daily. I think she’s part moon fairy and “neko-youkai” now. I've learned to trust my gut.
I tried to set up a duel between Masters and one of the other students to keep the bloodlust to acceptable venues only. That went about as well as you would expect.
Two days teaching, and I think we should nuke this entire thing from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 13/06/2007
Well, now things are getting interesting.
We’ve got a new student - Karia Sto-Helit, who is, brace up, the daughter of Susan Sto Helit and Jonathan Teatime. Who is also an incubus. Look, I just write the reports, I don’t come up with this. She has a younger brother, Rupert Teatime, who is...part alien? I don’t know. I don’t know. He’s an mpreg baby. I don’t know.
The stripper trio are now goths. Kinomoto is now “Divinity”, C. Raines is now “Storm”, and L. Raines is now “Hysteria”.
The less said about Gensing Lazurus, the better. I think he got lost on the way to a Halo fanfic.
There is also Lunis Majere, who is relatively harmless and a little bit silly. Arden Farnsworth is obnoxious, but no threat.
Higiri seems to be an elf queen of some sort. None of this makes sense. I’ll be billing Upstairs for my increased whisky consumption while I’m here.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 29/05/2007
Callahan died.
I fixed it, though.
Don't ask how.
One of the other students - Selena Tiber, a half-dark fairy - was fighting her and pushed back on her mentally, trying to control her. This caused the barrier to shatter and physically rupture parts of her brain with the dissonance. I have reworked the spell to make it more pliable.
I don't care that being sparse on the details may result in a dock of pay or other punishment. I don't want to talk about it.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 13/06/2007
The barrier seems to be holding up much better now.
Everything else, however, has completely gone to shit.
The Raines sisters shot themselves during a Transmogrification lesson. I am not kidding. This actually happened. So, that’s two fewer Sues for me to take care of when the recon is over, I suppose.
Voldemort has shown up with a bunch of Death Eaters and Dementors, and Delune was replaced with a Death Eater, too (Abigail Dobrinick, apparently). I have to say, for all that Lazurus appears to be something out of a particularly ridiculous video game, he’s not bad to have by your side in a fight.
On the plus side, I’ve discovered that I can still parkour when I need to.
Lazurus has a relative, named Novgood Lazurus. They seem to be cut from the same obnoxious cloth.
I am going to kill the rest of the Team when I get back for sending me a Howler about Callahan’s death in class. I am going to murder them. This is your heads-up to get them to a secure location before I get back. Because I will murder them.
I seem to have a teaching assistant. Who is Mordechai Anielewicz? He claims to be IDF. Is he one of ours? If not, what is wrong with this place?
There’s some High Inquisitor from the Spanish Ministry poking around. Audrey Greene. I’ll be investigating her right back.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 15/08/2007
Look, I don’t care if it’s not “playing by the rules”, a practical class where the students fight Inferi is perfectly acceptable.
Also, requisitioning more wrenches. They’re surprisingly aerodynamic and fun to throw at students.
I’m a great teacher. I think I was born to do this.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 21/06/2007
Higiri’s paying me more attention. She’s a little bit obsessed with me. I need to be on my guard - I really am getting a bad feeling from her. Call it agent’s intuition.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 25/06/2007
At the risk of sounding unprofessional, God, I hate these kids.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 05/07/2007
Higiri is alarmingly pregnant after one day, and is telling everyone that I am the father. This is obviously not the case. Aside from everything else, I know better.
Apparently her kind have a 24-hour gestation period. Requesting authorization to take the child/children into protective custody, as I am quite sure she is not parent material.
She has also proposed to me, which I rejected like a reasonable human being. All things considered, I think she took it rather well.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 20/07/2007
Interestingly - and worryingly - we have two displaced canonicals here, Jack O’Neill and Samantha Carter from Stargate: SG-1. They seem to be fully integrated into this universe and SG-1 at the same time, which is confusing, but honestly no less confusing than anything else happening here. Carter is the Astronomy professor.
This could be a problem.
For Disentanglers, obviously. No, I will not do Disentangler work anymore. It was bad enough the last time.
There’s also Siberius Black - yes, really - who appears to be affiliated with the Lazuruses, and Jack Garner, who claims to be a postman. I’ll be keeping a close eye on them.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 20/08/2007
Oddly enough, it appears that Sto-Helit and her brother are not actually Sues. They’re noncanon as hell, and very weird, but they’re not Sues. They’re people. Despite all the rest of their backgrounds. Recommending them for future recruitment.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 21/08/2007
No, I do not need immediate extraction for mental health eval. Sto-Helit volunteered to keep an eye on Agent Callahan. She knows I’m not normal and neither is Callahan. She can tell.
At this point, she essentially has probationary agent status. She’s a surprising asset to the mission, and frankly, I’ll recruit backup in this situation if I damn well feel like it. This entire situation is so fucked I don’t even have the words for it, and nobody else is allowed to come in after me.
I have the distinct feeling that this mission is meant to be a suicide one. Who the hell decided to float this to Callahan, knowing damn well her sense of duty wouldn’t not let her take it?
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 30/07/2007
Death Eaters invaded the castle at the end-of-term feast.
We proceeded to ignore them all and have a rousing karaoke session.
I’m serious.
Nobody here cares about Death Eaters anymore. Maybe we would if they didn’t ineffectually attack every so often…
Ah yes, and Masters and Fury are Death Eaters again. I’d almost forgotten.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 01/08/2007
Nope.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 02/08/2007
I give up.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 03/08/2007
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Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 04/08/2007
Fine!
I heard a joke once about what “Navy” is an acronym for - Never Again Volunteer Yourself. I’m going to take that lesson to heart. Next time, I’ll get voluntold. Because if this is what happens when I willingly choose a mission, I want to drink bleach with a Drano chaser.
This whole scenario has apparently become sentient, calls itself “the Story”, and seems to delight in tormenting me.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 08/09/2007
Why is there a baby dragon running around the castle? Who let Catherina Trovinsky have a dragon? I have so many questions.
There’s a girl who’s half-Dementor, Alida Anterfrith. No, I am not making this up. You can come see for yourself.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 26/08/2007
I am going to kill Vissiand Morgale with my own two hands. Fuck the charge list.
Idiot brought the kidnapped son of a demon lord to the school, so now this Ashkahn thing is going to invade us. Can I please get some backup? Or at least someone to keep me from committing a murder?
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 27/08/2007
Stop the mission, I want to get off.
No, not like that.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 04/09/2007
Great. Now Morgale’s sister is here too. Kithandre Morgale is just as irritating as her brother. She brought the entire Blackwing Clan of vampires, so this is going to end well.
I want it noted in my file that I hate vampires.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 01/10/2007
I have no idea what I have done in my life to deserve this punishment, but whatever it is, I am truly sorry.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 09/10/2007
The Stargate: SG-1 canonicals may present an issue. As far as I can tell, they’ve been AUed in, and Carter especially has been altered. Disentanglement may not work for her. I’ll keep you updated.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 22/10/2007
Ashkahn is almost here. We’re all preparing for a pitched battle.
How did this even happen? This was just supposed to be a Hogwarts ripoff with a bunch of obnoxious Mary Sues. Just a recon mission, they said. It’ll be short, they said.
I hate all of them, and I hate all of you.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 04/11/2007
Why is my life?
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 24/01/2008
Pitched battle starts in the morning.
If you never hear from me again, I died.
Don’t let anyone touch my stuff.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Harry Potter
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 13/07/2010
Well, I didn’t die.
I mean, I did, but it didn’t stick.
Callahan did something. I’m not quite sure what. But I think she did something with the barrier when she saw me die and completely lost her shit, to use a vulgar yet appropriate turn of phrase. She used too much power and has slept ever since. When I went to see her, she looked like she almost recognized me for me, but then the barrier held.
Apparently, there was some kind of time warp, and three days here became three years in HST. That’s not ideal.
I think it’s time for us to leave once she’s on her feet again. Something doesn’t seem right. Canon feels different now.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Valcentica
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 17/08/2010
...uh-oh.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Valcentica
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 17/08/2010
Out of curiosity, what’s the protocol for accidentally creating a new canon?
Asking for a friend.
Mission #: HP-MS/RP-29817
Department: Department of Mary Sues/Department of Bad Roleplay
Canon: Valcentica
Agent: Trevelyan, A.
Date, HST: 17/08/2010
Oh, shit, this is going to be so much paperwork.