i love my job...i love my job
So I had a nice relazing birthday. i kinda just hung out all day, i wasnt really in the mood to do anything, i dont know why. did some christmas shopping, and then just basically did nothing. it might seem weird to some people, but i love doing nothing. sometimes i like to just lounge around and watch tv and read and just waste time, which is something i have not been able to really do for months.
oh, and will called me today. i was really afraid that he wouldnt remember/acknowledge that it was my birthday. but i didnt pick up the phone when he called. i couldnt. as soon as i saw his name on the caller id my heart started beating really fast and i felt kind of faint. why does he still do that to me? i honestly cant answer that. he left a voicemail wishing me a happy birthday. i think ill call him back tomorrow or something and thank him. it really means a lot to me that he thought of me and actually made the effort to call. on his birthday i couldnt call him. i tried, but i couldnt. so i opted for a text instead. i honestly just want us to be friends and im so sick of how basically everything i write is about him. i dont want to be one of those sad people who cant move on. im trying though. because its not like i havent moved on at all...trust me i have. its just that deep down it usually always comes back to him. i have so much stuff on my mind right now and i hate that boys always have to complicate everything. i hope i find a short fling while im in new york. i really need a new one of those...
i hope i dont sound like i am complaining or sad. because i am not. at all. i realized how lucky i am today. i am so lucky to have my friends and my family and my life. i do love my life. i think i just need to get better at expressing how i feel to the actual people that i talk about while i am writing. because i do have a really big problem with expressing my emotions. but i love my friends and family so much, and if you dont know that i hope that one day i can eventually be able to show that to everyone. i am getting a little better at that
oh, and will called me today. i was really afraid that he wouldnt remember/acknowledge that it was my birthday. but i didnt pick up the phone when he called. i couldnt. as soon as i saw his name on the caller id my heart started beating really fast and i felt kind of faint. why does he still do that to me? i honestly cant answer that. he left a voicemail wishing me a happy birthday. i think ill call him back tomorrow or something and thank him. it really means a lot to me that he thought of me and actually made the effort to call. on his birthday i couldnt call him. i tried, but i couldnt. so i opted for a text instead. i honestly just want us to be friends and im so sick of how basically everything i write is about him. i dont want to be one of those sad people who cant move on. im trying though. because its not like i havent moved on at all...trust me i have. its just that deep down it usually always comes back to him. i have so much stuff on my mind right now and i hate that boys always have to complicate everything. i hope i find a short fling while im in new york. i really need a new one of those...
i hope i dont sound like i am complaining or sad. because i am not. at all. i realized how lucky i am today. i am so lucky to have my friends and my family and my life. i do love my life. i think i just need to get better at expressing how i feel to the actual people that i talk about while i am writing. because i do have a really big problem with expressing my emotions. but i love my friends and family so much, and if you dont know that i hope that one day i can eventually be able to show that to everyone. i am getting a little better at that