Post 21: Beginnings of a Meltdown?
The last two days have had me just wiped out. And tomorrow's the busiest day of all. I knew going into this semester that this would be a hard semester -- 6 classes and all require a great amount of thought and concentration -- so I'm not surprised by any of it... it just doesn't make me any less tired at the end of the day. I really feel like I've put in a full day of work everyday now which is nice from a fulfililng standpoint but like I said, it doesn't make me any less tired. And when I get tired, I stop thinking and start getting frustrated more easily. A new wrinkle now is that I'm wayy more tunnelvisioned now than ever and thus, I'm becoming much more absent-minded... like getting in the shower without taking in a towel with me or walking out the door without my wallet or my keys. It's normal things that most normal people do... except I almost never do stupid shit like that and it's becoming increasingly consistent. Needing to get a fork for lunch but leaving my soda on the counter in pursuit of the fork. I think I'm becoming too focused... just so focused on one thing and trying to examine the details that come with that one... thing... that I can't look at the big picture anymore and really see what's going on. Maybe I've never been able to do that and I'm just realizing that now... maybe I've never really looked at the big picture and the "big picture" I've been looking at all along is just one self-made illusion... just a Matrix that I've created from what little that I've seen and that I just expounded on when the foundation was never that strong to begin with.
I don't know
I don't know