The mountains win again
Last weekend passed me by without me thinking about it at all. Which is a good thing, since during the time it was approaching I thought for sure I would have been sent back into a whirlwind of emotion. I thought about it, but when it came down to it I was too cold to remember what day it was. However nearly a week later one short story set me back and that flood that was supposed to hit on the 22nd. I thought I was really going to break down for the first time in nearly eight months, and even after acknowledging that I had dismissed him from my thoughts and just might have been strong and cold enough to wear those fleece pants again that is if Natale's sent hasn't spread to them after being in that bag for 3/4 of a year.. Since then I can't shake the thoughts sometimes...maybe once football is over the feeling will go away..that emptiness and anger will leave just as quickly as it began all over again.
In semi-related news, I've been slowly coming to the relization that I'm not over someone (surprise) who's been in and out of my life a long time. The recent hot-and-cold reintroduction in my life has maybe dug up those feelings, or just is some far-fetched hope that things would go right for us for once. But as it goes for now it looks like it is just the latter. Again what else is new? But even with the time and the changes it was like we were never not in touch. The jokes were there and even under a new appearance the look in his eyes while we spoke was still the same. It may be what it used to be, but i feels different. But I know now after all this thought lately that the childish crush from pig-tails and plaid shorts has stayed in this heart of mine through thick and really paper thin and finally grown up into a real love. It's too bad he's still searching for what he knows is there.
Maybe I was spoiled last year, for the first time in 20 years. Perhaps that has fueled my overshadowing hope that one day someone out there will come to me again, and yet the drought that resulted has tarnished my belief that it will actually one day happen. At this point, outlook is bad and hope stand too high adn are quickly being tossed aside. The only man in my life is Montague, the most adorable little grey kitten who cannot get enough of my attention. For now, it makes me happy enough just to have that.
*~
In semi-related news, I've been slowly coming to the relization that I'm not over someone (surprise) who's been in and out of my life a long time. The recent hot-and-cold reintroduction in my life has maybe dug up those feelings, or just is some far-fetched hope that things would go right for us for once. But as it goes for now it looks like it is just the latter. Again what else is new? But even with the time and the changes it was like we were never not in touch. The jokes were there and even under a new appearance the look in his eyes while we spoke was still the same. It may be what it used to be, but i feels different. But I know now after all this thought lately that the childish crush from pig-tails and plaid shorts has stayed in this heart of mine through thick and really paper thin and finally grown up into a real love. It's too bad he's still searching for what he knows is there.
Maybe I was spoiled last year, for the first time in 20 years. Perhaps that has fueled my overshadowing hope that one day someone out there will come to me again, and yet the drought that resulted has tarnished my belief that it will actually one day happen. At this point, outlook is bad and hope stand too high adn are quickly being tossed aside. The only man in my life is Montague, the most adorable little grey kitten who cannot get enough of my attention. For now, it makes me happy enough just to have that.
*~