Alternate Realities

[witticaster]

      I often wonder how I would have turned out had various parts of my life been different.  If I had actually had a single bad influence, if I hadn’t faded away into silence in middle school, if I’d learned the joys of pure and uncontained arrogance at an earlier age….  I think, had I had that time and inclination, I could have become a truly horrible person.  I would still value intelligence in people above all else, I would still have many of the same interests, and I would still fight to the death to defend my friends and loved ones, but aside from that, I could quite easily see what little social conscience I have disappearing.  I probably would have taken up a martial art far sooner, though likely one with less philosophy behind it, I would certainly own a knife by now, I would be far more power hungry, and I probably would have committed at least one blatantly criminal act, even if it was something small and easily hidden.  Not that I would be a thug or anything so uninteresting.  I simply wouldn’t care.  I’m almost sad I shall never meet or be that person.  She would have been interesting.  Far closer to a few of my heroes than my present incarnation, at any rate.  Still, I can feel whispers of what might have been when I’m alone and in any situation with a modicum of power, even driving.  Whether you drive like an asshole or you drive like a saint, you affect the people around you.  You judge them, you act upon that judgment, you can mess with them, be kind to them, fly past them…. And there’s never, if you’re good, any consequence to these tiny, day-to-day power trips.  They’re free, and the anger, power, and smugness they create can be addictive.

This is probably why so many of my characters could be easily swayed toward evil.