(no subject)
Over the years I have learned to live humbly. I am not humble by nature. On the contrary, I am actually very arrogant. Life taught me the opposite instead. It taught me hard, really hard.
If I were to lament my life, I could. Very much so. And bitterness exists in my heart. I am a human, with heart and it takes a lot of my will power to just grit my teeth, bite my lips and actually..move on. I take on humiliation and defeats grudgingly, since I am no hero but I do learn to take them and live with them and move on. Grudgingly, but moving on in any case.
I also learn not to attach my heart to anything or anyone.
It is not defense mechanism. I love who I love, and I do have people whom I care about and love a lot, but I know that it is in the law of nature that nothing is eternal in this world. I also know that this is true to anyone and not just me. Nothing is forever. It is hard to take, and I am not ashamed to admit it but I do try to school myself to do everything in moderation. It helps me to understand myself, it helps me to understand other people and how people behave. Especially how they behave towards me and I to them.
It still brings tears to my eyes, all these memories and all these failures in my life. Of the time wasted, of opportunities thrown away, of what could have been, what would have been, since I believe that I deserve every single one of them. But let's just take it like this.
I do have bad memories and bad failures. Some of the memories with these people, even when they are good, I don't want to deal with them anymore. So I leave them at that. There are people in my present times which I can get along well and I intend to cherish them, and the memories I have with them. With them, I hope I can always look back when times get rough and when I feel like I can't take it anymore. Because hey. I am just a fragile human, just an ordinary woman.
For things I can't deal with at the present times, I will just leave them at that. Only time will tell.
If I were to lament my life, I could. Very much so. And bitterness exists in my heart. I am a human, with heart and it takes a lot of my will power to just grit my teeth, bite my lips and actually..move on. I take on humiliation and defeats grudgingly, since I am no hero but I do learn to take them and live with them and move on. Grudgingly, but moving on in any case.
I also learn not to attach my heart to anything or anyone.
It is not defense mechanism. I love who I love, and I do have people whom I care about and love a lot, but I know that it is in the law of nature that nothing is eternal in this world. I also know that this is true to anyone and not just me. Nothing is forever. It is hard to take, and I am not ashamed to admit it but I do try to school myself to do everything in moderation. It helps me to understand myself, it helps me to understand other people and how people behave. Especially how they behave towards me and I to them.
It still brings tears to my eyes, all these memories and all these failures in my life. Of the time wasted, of opportunities thrown away, of what could have been, what would have been, since I believe that I deserve every single one of them. But let's just take it like this.
I do have bad memories and bad failures. Some of the memories with these people, even when they are good, I don't want to deal with them anymore. So I leave them at that. There are people in my present times which I can get along well and I intend to cherish them, and the memories I have with them. With them, I hope I can always look back when times get rough and when I feel like I can't take it anymore. Because hey. I am just a fragile human, just an ordinary woman.
For things I can't deal with at the present times, I will just leave them at that. Only time will tell.