"so crazy it just might work, and then we'll quit our jobs"
Done with my first year of grad school.
Trying to do some research through Google with the search term "intentional unemployment" and most of what comes up is about how to get out of paying child support. Weird. I'm thinking about not working for the month of June. I have a little bit of money, not much but enough to eat and pay the rent and heat. Thinking about this because I freak out so much about working and not working and buying things. So much of my identity is tied up in employability, and I'm just sick of placing so much emphasis on something so false and silly.
So I thought it might be interesting to take a specific amount of time and intentionally try *NOT* to work. It's actually harder than I thought, since I'm signed up to work commencement and have two jobs here I'm bound to. But I wanted to see what it's like to spend some time not selling my time for money, to get a chance to look at what I really do and how to deal with the crazy feelings that come up in me at the words "not working." It's a terribly priveledged space to be in, which I need to keep in mind. Already I feel like shit about it, but I'm kind of interested in seeing where it goes.
So what would I do with myself? Work on my novel-- thinking of putting it out as a 'zine (I know, I know) but I don't know how to do the layout. Play my guitar. Play with Seamus til she isn't around anymore. Try to do some house stuff since my roomate is gone and all the furniture went with him-- retile the bathroom floor, maybe get permission to paint. Quit smoking and ride my bike more. Find out about all this Boston stuff. Meet people. READ (get a fucking public library card.) I don't know. I had decided that since I wasn't working I need to spend five hours a day (roughly the amount of time I work) out of the house. Being out in the world will be my job. Luckily I'm politically committed to loitering, so this might work out.
And then probably move to NY on July 1 and ruin my relationship with the boy forever. I was writing a guitar song about it but it wound up being about waiting an hour at Downtown Crossing last night when I decided I needed to see him at midnight (this happens a lot, these frantic train runs)... Thankfully in emo you don't have to rhyme.
Also these last two shots of T have hurt like FUCK. I almost injected into my ass today. I like thinking it's 'cuz my thighs are all muscled, but it's not.
Trying to do some research through Google with the search term "intentional unemployment" and most of what comes up is about how to get out of paying child support. Weird. I'm thinking about not working for the month of June. I have a little bit of money, not much but enough to eat and pay the rent and heat. Thinking about this because I freak out so much about working and not working and buying things. So much of my identity is tied up in employability, and I'm just sick of placing so much emphasis on something so false and silly.
So I thought it might be interesting to take a specific amount of time and intentionally try *NOT* to work. It's actually harder than I thought, since I'm signed up to work commencement and have two jobs here I'm bound to. But I wanted to see what it's like to spend some time not selling my time for money, to get a chance to look at what I really do and how to deal with the crazy feelings that come up in me at the words "not working." It's a terribly priveledged space to be in, which I need to keep in mind. Already I feel like shit about it, but I'm kind of interested in seeing where it goes.
So what would I do with myself? Work on my novel-- thinking of putting it out as a 'zine (I know, I know) but I don't know how to do the layout. Play my guitar. Play with Seamus til she isn't around anymore. Try to do some house stuff since my roomate is gone and all the furniture went with him-- retile the bathroom floor, maybe get permission to paint. Quit smoking and ride my bike more. Find out about all this Boston stuff. Meet people. READ (get a fucking public library card.) I don't know. I had decided that since I wasn't working I need to spend five hours a day (roughly the amount of time I work) out of the house. Being out in the world will be my job. Luckily I'm politically committed to loitering, so this might work out.
And then probably move to NY on July 1 and ruin my relationship with the boy forever. I was writing a guitar song about it but it wound up being about waiting an hour at Downtown Crossing last night when I decided I needed to see him at midnight (this happens a lot, these frantic train runs)... Thankfully in emo you don't have to rhyme.
Also these last two shots of T have hurt like FUCK. I almost injected into my ass today. I like thinking it's 'cuz my thighs are all muscled, but it's not.