(no subject)
ok so ive been thinking alot lately and I really feel horrible. I feel like im not even really a wittnes anymore. I try I really do but it seems like im drifting more and more. I havent prayed in a long time. everytime i try it never really turns into a real prayer. I start with jehovah i know its been so long since i have prayed and then i cant think of anything to say. its like i have all these things on my mind but i cant put them into words or even thoughts. its so frustrating. my entertainment isnt exactly what you would call wholesome. not that im doing horrible things but im not watching to right movies and I just turned 21 so i go out alot. not that i drink ALOT but im sure its not helping my spirituality. I try to study. the last few weeks ive managed to study the watchtower but no personal study. I havnt had a regular bible reading schedule in a looong time. meetings are very seldom. I try to go but i HATE going by myself and we are in a new congragation so i dont really know alot of people. my hubby is really caught up in work right now. his work is really like madness right now. I want to say that he should put kindom interests first but its not like he is doing extra for his job its just very exhausting so he doesnt want to go to meetings during the week very often. Sunday meetings are almost regular but it seems like something always comes up. neither of us go in service much. maybe like one hour a month just not to be inactive. I get a little more than that but only like 3 pitiful hours. I just feel so lost. I want to do more but it just isnt working. when i lay it all out like this i feel even worse because i havnt really looked this closely at how bad im doing. it makes me cry. i just dont know what to do. it seems like not to long ago i was in a forien language cong doing really good. now i dont know where i am...