I'm back
Decided to blow the dust off my LJ account after 2 years of leaving it be (nearly suffocating in the sheer amount of dust), and start blogging again. Don't know why.. my mood has just taken my hand and led me back here.
Update on the last 2 years: Right since last my last post where I talked about Uni going well I can now add to that with "Uni's still going well". It's strange it's kept up for 2 years. It has certainly taken it toll on me though. My sleeping patterns are now shot and my obsessive nature has been fed so much that it never really turns off anymore. But at least all that energy is going somewhere useful now other than just into day dreaming. I enjoy the work still. Probably will seven more than I used to which is nice.
I have to say that my Uni's not the greatest Uni in the world, it feels under staffed at times, plus the some of the equipment isn't always up to scratch. It's getting better, but still, it's frustrating at times. Not enough that we can't do well anyway. A lot of students seem to be using it as an excuse for not doing so well. I just eye roll and carry on.op
Me and Lolo's (aka Laura) urm.. thing (not really sure what it was officially), fell apart at the beginning of 2007, it was sad. But not as sad that we haven't spoken since. Lame but it's been a while since then and I am not so "grar *flails*" about that anymore.
I have since then got with a lovely person named Bozena who lives a stupid distance away from me.. (oh wow.. this feeling is so familiar to me some how..) and am still with her to this day. We have our ups and down. But I'm happy to be with her.
Job wise I had a bizarre job last summer as a researcher, researching any conceivable question on any conceivable topic for a Q&A text message service. It was both fun and frustrating. This summer I have a job which is fast rivaling my previous favorite job for most fun job. I am working as an animator / web designer for a company called the Smart Work Company. I had my reservations about it when I first got the interview, but it's turning out to be so much fun! Meet lots of people, the creative part of my brain is being given a really hardcore work out. I was apparently chosen for the job over the other interviewees based on the fact that I came across as 1) skilled and 2)very whimsical and think outside the box. On the job I am constantly being asked to come up with something new.. and imaginative in the way things work. For example I today started construction of a part of the site where a skyscraper falls from the sky, and the a cold sun bursts into flames to turn the day into night. That's just one page!
Also meeting all the new people is fun, and traveling about is grand. Been feeling pretty good about life lately, and this new job has really pushed that feeling up to a new plato.
Ok so that's the practical side of my life summed up briefly. If I keep up blogging more frequently then details may follow. Or I may just continue from the present.. who knows.
Mentally speaking I have figured out a lot about myself, and changed a lot as a person. I for instance have figured out that I do not like a balance between routine and chaos. I actually tend towards just enjoying chaos and unpredictability. I seem to loathe symmetry which if I am to understand human psychology is a fairly odd trait since traditionally people find beauty in symmetry (though if you ask people they normally say "I need things to be symmetrical.. I guess I am just weird that way". I hold back my opinion that "it's not weird, in fact it's pretty much in common with the overwhelming majority of the human race (and quite possibly most animals too) I am afraid". But people don't like that being pointed out so much.)
I even find lack of symmetry physically attractive. Asymmetrical hair cuts, tattoos.. and having more piercings in one ear than another are all noticed long before I even notice someones choice in clothes (assuming I am close enough to see those details).
I suppose that's why I often feel calm. It's harder to feel uneasy about life when you actually enjoy a level of instability and randomness to how you live. All my "plans" always have an element "and if that doesn't work I'll throw this plan in the bin and think of something else!" It's almost a disappointment if everything works flawlessly.
That aspect of myself does present a few concerns though. I do appreciate that I do want certain aspects of my life to be permanent. I do like some anchors.. like certain people to always be there. Sometimes certain couples I know very well will split up and I feel like something that's supposed to be permanent and can reliably be expected to be there has vanished. like expecting to fall back down if you jump and then suddenly freaking out when you just keep floating up.
But what I have realised is that those few things I want to stay constant are like rare exceptions. Before I used to think that I was fairly balanced.
I have also discovered that the further away I get from my mother, the more confident I become and by proxy the more on track my life gets. It's sad really, I wish it wasn't that way. I don't dislike my mother, but I find her infuriating and find myself become depressed if I have to deal with her moods for long periods.
My result is to not really engage long conversations with her when I can. Occasionally I'll be in a good mood and try, but before long I'll commit some absurd sin like "drinking a fizzy drink too early in the morning" or daring to speak to a girl other than my girlfriend on the phone for more than 10 minutes. I suppose even those things wouldn't be so bad if we talked about anything else but things "Dave did wrong". But that really is all my mother talks about now. So if I want to keep my self esteem intact I must restrict our conversations, and it's working to be honest.
As always I shall "try" and end blog posts with something happy/nice/awesome.
For the first time in a very long time in my life I feel fairly on top of all my problems. I am not sure if it's a state of mind thing or whether I genuinely am pulling ahead of them (because I could still probably make a frighteningly long list if I decided to write them all down), but I do feel that pretty much everything is being sorted.
:D
Update on the last 2 years: Right since last my last post where I talked about Uni going well I can now add to that with "Uni's still going well". It's strange it's kept up for 2 years. It has certainly taken it toll on me though. My sleeping patterns are now shot and my obsessive nature has been fed so much that it never really turns off anymore. But at least all that energy is going somewhere useful now other than just into day dreaming. I enjoy the work still. Probably will seven more than I used to which is nice.
I have to say that my Uni's not the greatest Uni in the world, it feels under staffed at times, plus the some of the equipment isn't always up to scratch. It's getting better, but still, it's frustrating at times. Not enough that we can't do well anyway. A lot of students seem to be using it as an excuse for not doing so well. I just eye roll and carry on.op
Me and Lolo's (aka Laura) urm.. thing (not really sure what it was officially), fell apart at the beginning of 2007, it was sad. But not as sad that we haven't spoken since. Lame but it's been a while since then and I am not so "grar *flails*" about that anymore.
I have since then got with a lovely person named Bozena who lives a stupid distance away from me.. (oh wow.. this feeling is so familiar to me some how..) and am still with her to this day. We have our ups and down. But I'm happy to be with her.
Job wise I had a bizarre job last summer as a researcher, researching any conceivable question on any conceivable topic for a Q&A text message service. It was both fun and frustrating. This summer I have a job which is fast rivaling my previous favorite job for most fun job. I am working as an animator / web designer for a company called the Smart Work Company. I had my reservations about it when I first got the interview, but it's turning out to be so much fun! Meet lots of people, the creative part of my brain is being given a really hardcore work out. I was apparently chosen for the job over the other interviewees based on the fact that I came across as 1) skilled and 2)very whimsical and think outside the box. On the job I am constantly being asked to come up with something new.. and imaginative in the way things work. For example I today started construction of a part of the site where a skyscraper falls from the sky, and the a cold sun bursts into flames to turn the day into night. That's just one page!
Also meeting all the new people is fun, and traveling about is grand. Been feeling pretty good about life lately, and this new job has really pushed that feeling up to a new plato.
Ok so that's the practical side of my life summed up briefly. If I keep up blogging more frequently then details may follow. Or I may just continue from the present.. who knows.
Mentally speaking I have figured out a lot about myself, and changed a lot as a person. I for instance have figured out that I do not like a balance between routine and chaos. I actually tend towards just enjoying chaos and unpredictability. I seem to loathe symmetry which if I am to understand human psychology is a fairly odd trait since traditionally people find beauty in symmetry (though if you ask people they normally say "I need things to be symmetrical.. I guess I am just weird that way". I hold back my opinion that "it's not weird, in fact it's pretty much in common with the overwhelming majority of the human race (and quite possibly most animals too) I am afraid". But people don't like that being pointed out so much.)
I even find lack of symmetry physically attractive. Asymmetrical hair cuts, tattoos.. and having more piercings in one ear than another are all noticed long before I even notice someones choice in clothes (assuming I am close enough to see those details).
I suppose that's why I often feel calm. It's harder to feel uneasy about life when you actually enjoy a level of instability and randomness to how you live. All my "plans" always have an element "and if that doesn't work I'll throw this plan in the bin and think of something else!" It's almost a disappointment if everything works flawlessly.
That aspect of myself does present a few concerns though. I do appreciate that I do want certain aspects of my life to be permanent. I do like some anchors.. like certain people to always be there. Sometimes certain couples I know very well will split up and I feel like something that's supposed to be permanent and can reliably be expected to be there has vanished. like expecting to fall back down if you jump and then suddenly freaking out when you just keep floating up.
But what I have realised is that those few things I want to stay constant are like rare exceptions. Before I used to think that I was fairly balanced.
I have also discovered that the further away I get from my mother, the more confident I become and by proxy the more on track my life gets. It's sad really, I wish it wasn't that way. I don't dislike my mother, but I find her infuriating and find myself become depressed if I have to deal with her moods for long periods.
My result is to not really engage long conversations with her when I can. Occasionally I'll be in a good mood and try, but before long I'll commit some absurd sin like "drinking a fizzy drink too early in the morning" or daring to speak to a girl other than my girlfriend on the phone for more than 10 minutes. I suppose even those things wouldn't be so bad if we talked about anything else but things "Dave did wrong". But that really is all my mother talks about now. So if I want to keep my self esteem intact I must restrict our conversations, and it's working to be honest.
As always I shall "try" and end blog posts with something happy/nice/awesome.
For the first time in a very long time in my life I feel fairly on top of all my problems. I am not sure if it's a state of mind thing or whether I genuinely am pulling ahead of them (because I could still probably make a frighteningly long list if I decided to write them all down), but I do feel that pretty much everything is being sorted.
:D