(no subject)
You start a sentence beginning-
A woman with three eyes, noses, mouth.
You begin by writing.
Mother sugar, I have failed. There are stanzas I write before I give up. I think of this boy- no, man, no- but he is not there. Mother sugar, I read before I can think before I eat before I drink before morning breaks night and still I do not understand my inability to cope- to write- my lack of courage- my lack of strength.
Mother sugar, I see two children waving, still, they are waving and yet nothing is done, nothing is done to help them, the girl in my dream is still running, naked and screaming, she is bruised and cut, I put her to sleep but she cannot- my anxiety quickens.
Mother sugar, I can write no longer. I fear my intelligence is dissolving. Sometimes I wake up, beside the violence, beside fear itself and I see a boat riding, but no one at the oars.
I repeat, let us repeat, what is the point, what is the point, what is the point. Anxiety and breath quickens into one pulse that keeps beating- there is a dome and I am in the midst of it with darkness all around, all I hear is my heart beating.
Mother sugar, let me repeat, mother sugar, I couldn’t move, you have to understand. Understand, mother sugar, understand.
He will not save you, there is no he, nor she. She has moved on, she will marry. There is only a you. A you that must save the girl in the dream, but I cannot, I comfort her and put her to sleep, I show her a collection of a dozen dolls, it soothes her. But that is not all, there is morning, there is still light, you don’t know her name yet-
A woman with three eyes, noses, mouth.
You begin by writing.
Mother sugar, I have failed. There are stanzas I write before I give up. I think of this boy- no, man, no- but he is not there. Mother sugar, I read before I can think before I eat before I drink before morning breaks night and still I do not understand my inability to cope- to write- my lack of courage- my lack of strength.
Mother sugar, I see two children waving, still, they are waving and yet nothing is done, nothing is done to help them, the girl in my dream is still running, naked and screaming, she is bruised and cut, I put her to sleep but she cannot- my anxiety quickens.
Mother sugar, I can write no longer. I fear my intelligence is dissolving. Sometimes I wake up, beside the violence, beside fear itself and I see a boat riding, but no one at the oars.
I repeat, let us repeat, what is the point, what is the point, what is the point. Anxiety and breath quickens into one pulse that keeps beating- there is a dome and I am in the midst of it with darkness all around, all I hear is my heart beating.
Mother sugar, let me repeat, mother sugar, I couldn’t move, you have to understand. Understand, mother sugar, understand.
He will not save you, there is no he, nor she. She has moved on, she will marry. There is only a you. A you that must save the girl in the dream, but I cannot, I comfort her and put her to sleep, I show her a collection of a dozen dolls, it soothes her. But that is not all, there is morning, there is still light, you don’t know her name yet-