you raise the blade, you make the change, you rearrange me till I'm sane
So believe me when I say that my plan way back in July was just to take that unannounced hiatus I’d been thinking about for a while and hope this bizarre feeling of stagnation would magically improve on its own. I’m sure you all can see how well that worked out as it’s……. now seven and a half months later. :c
I could write you guys pages on why this happened and how stressful and time-consuming my job is and how much having chronic mental health issues sucks, and all of those reasons and justifications would be valid. But really, it just comes down to me looking at my old posts in my old journal and kind of feeling embarrassed, after a while. Embarrassed by how much time I really spent writing about the same stuff over and over, writing about it badly, and never touching on anything that really felt important, even retrospectively.
Giving up on almost six years of writing and work and all of you guys who are awesome just seemed too hard. But inevitably, it’s really obvious to me that as much as I would never want to erase the history this place represents, I’ve been writing here since I was a teenager without really changing my style much at all over time, and I can’t pretend to be that little girl anymore. I should have changed things up more effectively a long time ago, and it’s time to make more of an effort.
So after months and months of thinking about it and waffling and thinking about it some more I’ve finally made the decision to commit to this place again and stick around. In a few days all entries dated before this one will be set to private, including fic and icons and linked meta and believe me it will be no great loss to the world. Most of my stuff is posted on other sites if anyone who isn’t me really cares that much, but to be here again I think I need to start treating this place more as a blank slate.
TL;DR I’ve missed so much tell me all about your liiiiives. Or… rec me some fic or something. I am a terrible friend and know nothing.
I could write you guys pages on why this happened and how stressful and time-consuming my job is and how much having chronic mental health issues sucks, and all of those reasons and justifications would be valid. But really, it just comes down to me looking at my old posts in my old journal and kind of feeling embarrassed, after a while. Embarrassed by how much time I really spent writing about the same stuff over and over, writing about it badly, and never touching on anything that really felt important, even retrospectively.
Giving up on almost six years of writing and work and all of you guys who are awesome just seemed too hard. But inevitably, it’s really obvious to me that as much as I would never want to erase the history this place represents, I’ve been writing here since I was a teenager without really changing my style much at all over time, and I can’t pretend to be that little girl anymore. I should have changed things up more effectively a long time ago, and it’s time to make more of an effort.
So after months and months of thinking about it and waffling and thinking about it some more I’ve finally made the decision to commit to this place again and stick around. In a few days all entries dated before this one will be set to private, including fic and icons and linked meta and believe me it will be no great loss to the world. Most of my stuff is posted on other sites if anyone who isn’t me really cares that much, but to be here again I think I need to start treating this place more as a blank slate.
TL;DR I’ve missed so much tell me all about your liiiiives. Or… rec me some fic or something. I am a terrible friend and know nothing.