i guess im back
*they've said it every year
but this time it seems like the end is near
and I'm in line to see the light
how far does this black tunnel go
I've got a car but the gas is running low
and as long as I've known the bumps and creeks of this house
its starting to make the types of sounds that only comes from peoples mouths
you cant tell me its still settling
built on an Indian burial ground killing everything
the childhood scar on my chin is back again
that old jump over my own leg dance move has to end
I've seen better days in my night terrors
i was a bike messenger without a bike and i would write letters
ask directions to your whereabouts
before the slow walk the rest of the show offs where peeling out
too many hares only one tortoise
thats why i left the city, too fast paced for this ho-hum tourist
by the time i developed the pictures
they're as blurry of my memory as constant life fixtures
if distance is a girls best friend, tell them bitches in the ruff who think that love comes with diamonds
slave labor, you made me work for what i couldn't have
diamonds cut, but coal burns and nothing last forever
wonder why i bothered saving any of your letters they're just aged paper
crumble
I've got an insecurity box for your mail
tracing the name on the return address as if it was made of braille
pretended it was your finger, but careful not the break a nail
the one that sealed the coffin shut. when it opened, caused a paper trail
but since then i buried your dead sea scrolls
and emptied my head of these old trivial memories that i seem to hold
now your a footnote with cement shoes
in case you wondered what that sinking feeling has been ever since i left you....
sad sad monster, turn those horns up......
so i guess im back again for a little while.
what bad can come of that?
writing faster than a pen could ever keep up with...right?
Jonathan passed away the 12th. it was a sunday. one of my friends birthdays.....
so hes dead. and his burial is this thursday.....1230pm.
wondering if i should show.
feel like i said good bye already.
but i still can feel him.
felt him once he was dead.
saw him sitting on his own coffin smoking a smoke.
his head was in his hands.
he was sad to see everyone there.
especially me.
and as we all left he got up and walked out.
i later saw on my mothers calender, that she saw the same thing...
not him smoking...but him standing up out of his coffin and walking out.
he was in the apartment. several times.
he was mad.
he was upset.
he saw charlie.
and i talked to him.
i yelled at him.
but only his spirit was there.
i couldnt feel the real pain or anger that i felt when he was actually there.
it was just his faint outline. and his strong presence.
he was upset.
he was sorry.....
too little too late sometimes eh?
it sucks.
all these things that happen. .........
it really is a shame. a shame and a half......ha............
*my life is good...
REALLY GOOD*
there really isnt anything. anymore.
its just all here.
not really all that good.
not really all that bad.
just here.
for now.
keep living your stupid life.
keep living your stupid life......