A new period... another chance.
So Katie just left to go try and mingle with people at State. I hope she makes friends. I feel kinda guilty though... because as much as I want her to be happy and make friends, there's this little part of me that screams for all her attention and hates it when it doesn't receive it. But I guess that's why I know I love her... because not only do I want her to be happy as much as possible... I also want to be the sole cause for that happiness as much as possible.
I had such a good day. It's funny because these days are so much simpler and not nearly as exciting as some of the days I had during the end of school, with Z show, and prom, and whatver the fuck... but for some reason they really do outshine them by so much.
It feels so weird sometimes... being happy. And it's not that I'm in love with this great girl. It's not all that fun stuff we do. It's just knowing that she feels the same. For once someone feels just as intensely the same exact thing. No one has ever done that. And it's new and it's great and it's beautiful, and it makes me almost sickeningly optimistic sometimes.
Now I will be going off to college. Many of my best friends are already there... or the equivalent thereof (Mason, we miss you). I will miss this, I will miss everything, more than I ever thought I would have little less than six months ago.
I was hanging out with Matt de Lira on friday night up at Chapman, and that in itself was great. It was cool because like there are people who are like, "yeah come chill it'll be fun" and don't mean it for shit, and people like Matt, who say, "yeah come hang out," and when you do they are genuinely happy to see you and make you feel very good about the effort you put forth to come hang out with them. Matt's a cool kid too, and we were talking, and we definitely agreed that this summer and the last two months or so of school were the best days of our "almost two decades now" lives. And I thought later... he's right. So many good things and days were packed into this short period of our lives... and it won't ever happen again, and I don't expect it to, but it was great to live through it then (and now) and I hope I never forget anyone, and no on ever forgets me. That's all I have done my life... forgotten things, and it was because I wanted to. I liked just burning things, I didn't want them to come back. But what I have discovered in the past few months... I don't want to let it go ever. It's a good memory. I don't want to forget or be forgotten.
And I thought about that... and that's the way it should be. Because nothing is forever. No one lives forever, and nothing can be forever. Everything changes... nothing perishes (Ovid). Things will change. But we should live for what we have now. As it came up in the conversation I had with Matt. There's that joke about the man who goes to the doctor and says, "my brother thinks he's a chicken" and the doctor says, "I can fix that" and then the man refuses, and the doctor asks, "why?" and the man says I need the eggs. And Woody Allen mentions it in some movie, and he says that that's why he has relationships because he needs the eggs. It is just to have them, despite the complications they cause, because they can enrich everything in your life one way or another, and later you can remember them and be like, "yeah those were the days." or "yeah I hated that, but I wouldn't change it for a thing."
I have a lot of good things in my life. Maybe my house isn't the most fun place to be right now... but life in the overall is good, and I know Marshal agrees.
And if you bothered taking time to read any of my ramblings tonight... I probably feel this strongly about the big or small role you play and have played in my life. And if we lose contact... or grow apart, I will miss you, but I will also know that things can change, but I will always have a little piece of you, and you a little piece of me.
I would list off names... but that would take up most of your friends page... so I won't.
Don't forget me though... and I won't forget you. Because I may be a fire sign, and I may burn things, but that is changing and you are fireproof.
To everyone... the best.
I had such a good day. It's funny because these days are so much simpler and not nearly as exciting as some of the days I had during the end of school, with Z show, and prom, and whatver the fuck... but for some reason they really do outshine them by so much.
It feels so weird sometimes... being happy. And it's not that I'm in love with this great girl. It's not all that fun stuff we do. It's just knowing that she feels the same. For once someone feels just as intensely the same exact thing. No one has ever done that. And it's new and it's great and it's beautiful, and it makes me almost sickeningly optimistic sometimes.
Now I will be going off to college. Many of my best friends are already there... or the equivalent thereof (Mason, we miss you). I will miss this, I will miss everything, more than I ever thought I would have little less than six months ago.
I was hanging out with Matt de Lira on friday night up at Chapman, and that in itself was great. It was cool because like there are people who are like, "yeah come chill it'll be fun" and don't mean it for shit, and people like Matt, who say, "yeah come hang out," and when you do they are genuinely happy to see you and make you feel very good about the effort you put forth to come hang out with them. Matt's a cool kid too, and we were talking, and we definitely agreed that this summer and the last two months or so of school were the best days of our "almost two decades now" lives. And I thought later... he's right. So many good things and days were packed into this short period of our lives... and it won't ever happen again, and I don't expect it to, but it was great to live through it then (and now) and I hope I never forget anyone, and no on ever forgets me. That's all I have done my life... forgotten things, and it was because I wanted to. I liked just burning things, I didn't want them to come back. But what I have discovered in the past few months... I don't want to let it go ever. It's a good memory. I don't want to forget or be forgotten.
And I thought about that... and that's the way it should be. Because nothing is forever. No one lives forever, and nothing can be forever. Everything changes... nothing perishes (Ovid). Things will change. But we should live for what we have now. As it came up in the conversation I had with Matt. There's that joke about the man who goes to the doctor and says, "my brother thinks he's a chicken" and the doctor says, "I can fix that" and then the man refuses, and the doctor asks, "why?" and the man says I need the eggs. And Woody Allen mentions it in some movie, and he says that that's why he has relationships because he needs the eggs. It is just to have them, despite the complications they cause, because they can enrich everything in your life one way or another, and later you can remember them and be like, "yeah those were the days." or "yeah I hated that, but I wouldn't change it for a thing."
I have a lot of good things in my life. Maybe my house isn't the most fun place to be right now... but life in the overall is good, and I know Marshal agrees.
And if you bothered taking time to read any of my ramblings tonight... I probably feel this strongly about the big or small role you play and have played in my life. And if we lose contact... or grow apart, I will miss you, but I will also know that things can change, but I will always have a little piece of you, and you a little piece of me.
I would list off names... but that would take up most of your friends page... so I won't.
Don't forget me though... and I won't forget you. Because I may be a fire sign, and I may burn things, but that is changing and you are fireproof.
To everyone... the best.