let the pregnancy speak out
I'm pregnant.
Which explains this whole emotional rollercoaster I've been going through. At points I felt that I had grown, or got wiser, or had just reached a sense of ease..and now I realize no, it was none of that. It was pregnancy.
I'm craving all kinds of foods, gummi bears, sour candy...chips..ice cream.
I just told Arno over the phone and he was blown away. Blown away, cause yes I was on the pill. But I don't know how or at what point it wasn't taken punctually. I always made an effort to take it, I always thought of it.
Tomorrow I've got two doctor's appointments. The first will be to have an echography and to know how long it's been.
The second, the anesthegiologist or however you spell that.
I feel so sad right now. About so many aspects. How it hit me so randomly, especially when things were hard to begin with. Finding out Arno's girl kissing thing, having to move out of my place in 20 days, and then that extremely important portfolio I have to do. Not to mention figuring out my financial situation.
I'd been feeling more like a stomach and not a person. Like a weight in my stomach. And now to think there is life in there. I mean I've gone through abortion before, it's been a year and a half, but it was early in the pregnancy and I got it aborted medically and not surgically.
They're going to operate on me on friday.
I had gone to my doctor's appointment this afternoon and waited for about 30mins, anxious. First the doctor touches my chest and says, no, no pregnancy...relief. Then he sees my stomach and immediately says, you must be pregnant.
So we talk for a while, and he gives me a list of precedures I must do. A list of doctors I must see in the next 2 days.
So I've got my blood tests done, and I've gone my prescriptions. Now for the echography tomorrow..
As I rush over across the street to the lab, the biologist was real friendly. Somehow it seems most biologists are, and extremely warm and welcoming. Always chatting and making jokes. It feels good, you don't even notice the needle go inside you.
He said it was baby season, that somehow every blood test he's done these past weeks have been positive.
I'm getting tired, I can't write anymore.
It's hard, as bad events hit you for what seems like just so often, you just can't help but think that you deserve it.
I want serenity. I want my old boyfriend back, and I want him to really care about me, not just feel like he has the obligation to come here because I'm getting surgery done.
I'm lucky to have real friends here for me though, it makes me feel all warm inside. I can complain all I want, but yeah, Lauren, Davy, Emilie, and Pauline are so good to me out here, it's amazing.
I can't believe there is someone inside of me. I feel like this thing has been persisting to come out, like it was destined or something.
I feel it growing, and I'm getting so tired.. I need some zoning out.
I need television.
Which explains this whole emotional rollercoaster I've been going through. At points I felt that I had grown, or got wiser, or had just reached a sense of ease..and now I realize no, it was none of that. It was pregnancy.
I'm craving all kinds of foods, gummi bears, sour candy...chips..ice cream.
I just told Arno over the phone and he was blown away. Blown away, cause yes I was on the pill. But I don't know how or at what point it wasn't taken punctually. I always made an effort to take it, I always thought of it.
Tomorrow I've got two doctor's appointments. The first will be to have an echography and to know how long it's been.
The second, the anesthegiologist or however you spell that.
I feel so sad right now. About so many aspects. How it hit me so randomly, especially when things were hard to begin with. Finding out Arno's girl kissing thing, having to move out of my place in 20 days, and then that extremely important portfolio I have to do. Not to mention figuring out my financial situation.
I'd been feeling more like a stomach and not a person. Like a weight in my stomach. And now to think there is life in there. I mean I've gone through abortion before, it's been a year and a half, but it was early in the pregnancy and I got it aborted medically and not surgically.
They're going to operate on me on friday.
I had gone to my doctor's appointment this afternoon and waited for about 30mins, anxious. First the doctor touches my chest and says, no, no pregnancy...relief. Then he sees my stomach and immediately says, you must be pregnant.
So we talk for a while, and he gives me a list of precedures I must do. A list of doctors I must see in the next 2 days.
So I've got my blood tests done, and I've gone my prescriptions. Now for the echography tomorrow..
As I rush over across the street to the lab, the biologist was real friendly. Somehow it seems most biologists are, and extremely warm and welcoming. Always chatting and making jokes. It feels good, you don't even notice the needle go inside you.
He said it was baby season, that somehow every blood test he's done these past weeks have been positive.
I'm getting tired, I can't write anymore.
It's hard, as bad events hit you for what seems like just so often, you just can't help but think that you deserve it.
I want serenity. I want my old boyfriend back, and I want him to really care about me, not just feel like he has the obligation to come here because I'm getting surgery done.
I'm lucky to have real friends here for me though, it makes me feel all warm inside. I can complain all I want, but yeah, Lauren, Davy, Emilie, and Pauline are so good to me out here, it's amazing.
I can't believe there is someone inside of me. I feel like this thing has been persisting to come out, like it was destined or something.
I feel it growing, and I'm getting so tired.. I need some zoning out.
I need television.