(no subject)

[withmymind]

she said to me, over the phone, she wanted to see other people.
i thought, "well then look around, they're everywhere."
said that she was confused. i thought, "darling, join the club."
mid-life crisis nowadays hits you when you're young.
i hung up, she called back, i hung up again.
the process had already started. at least it happened quick.
i swear, i died inside that night. my friend, he called.
i didn't mention a thing. the last thing he said was, "be sound."
sound? i contemplated an awful thing, i hate to admit.
i just thought those would be such appropriate last words.
i'm still here, and small. how could this struggle seem so big?
while the palms in the breeze still blow green.
the waves in the see still absolute blue, but the horror.
every single thing i see is a reminder of her.
never thought i'd curse the day i met her.
since she's gone, she wouldn't hear. who would care?
what good would that do? i'm still here.
i imagine in a month or twelve, i'll be somewhere smoking a bowl.
laughing at a stupid joke, or just another stupid thing.
i can see myself stopping short, drifting out of the present.
sucked by the undertow and pulled out deep.
there i am, standing, wet grass and white headstones all in rows.
in the distance there's one, off on it's own.
i stop, kneel, my new home. i picture a sober awakening.
re-entry into this little world. inhale as the smoke fills my lungs.
another round, and that's it for now.
sorry. i've never been too good at happy endings.