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Dear Peter,
I can hardly believe that a year ago, we were jumping through all the hoops of being a senior, nervous and excited about going to college in the fall. I know you’ve been ridiculously busy this year, and once I really cracked down on my studies, I found myself that way, too. Hopefully, you’ll keep relaxing these next few month and store up your sanity for the onset of fall, haha!
I’m writing you a letter because, as expected, I have something to say. The reason I could not just come back home and play nicely this fall was because the more I thought about the entire scenario, all the things that went on behind the scenes with Michelle and I, and various other parties, all the things that were said that no one but she and I will ever know, they consumed my thoughts until I felt I would simply go mad. It terrorized me to think that no one had ever believed me when I said that it was not my fault, that I was not to blame for this madness, that I never instigated a dispute between the two of us. Excuse were made and lines were drawn, but in the end, the security of another and the pressure of peers should NEVER have determined the course of action I should take when it comes to my heart. As I tried to work through my part in the feud later on, after I was gone, I realized that no one felt I should be so focused on the past, none of you at home, none of my family, most definitely not myself, and yet I could not bring myself to move on, try as I might. It pained me to think of the hurt caused to Chris and to myself, and knowing nothing of any pain you had gone through, I worried ceaselessly about what had happened and what was to become. You were always a friend to me, a best friend, someone who inspired me to dream, and this alone could have inspired me to hate forever at the thought of you being hurt, when the two of you ended the relationship. But more importantly, I loved you, very much so. Even as far beyond the situation as we are now, it is hard for me to say that, but I did. I loved you. I was not hurt that you chose to date Michelle, because I had loved you much longer than that, knowing that you did not love me back. But when I tried to tell you that you meant the world to me, and that I could not be friends with her any longer, you made my words seem small, insignificant, and petty. You did not mean to, I know this. I am not blaming you in the least. But I began to feel as those around me did, that my complaints were incredible and unjustified in their basis. But I could not stop the hurt I felt, and I have felt it every minute, every hour, to this day.
I don’t want to dish details. Know that these trials, these high school tribulations, are among the angriest, saddest, and scariest of my life. With all the trust I placed in my friends to only feel let down in the end…. it has taken me a long time to move on, but I have chosen to, now that this is off my chest. Please do not feel the need to reply, and if you do reply, reply in letter. I simply cannot deal with any more facebook messages or emails of a dramatic manner. I look forward to seeing you when I come home at the beginning of August, and hope that none of this has bothered our friendship in any way, because you are still among my very dearest friends, of which there are very few.
Lizzy Jayne
I can hardly believe that a year ago, we were jumping through all the hoops of being a senior, nervous and excited about going to college in the fall. I know you’ve been ridiculously busy this year, and once I really cracked down on my studies, I found myself that way, too. Hopefully, you’ll keep relaxing these next few month and store up your sanity for the onset of fall, haha!
I’m writing you a letter because, as expected, I have something to say. The reason I could not just come back home and play nicely this fall was because the more I thought about the entire scenario, all the things that went on behind the scenes with Michelle and I, and various other parties, all the things that were said that no one but she and I will ever know, they consumed my thoughts until I felt I would simply go mad. It terrorized me to think that no one had ever believed me when I said that it was not my fault, that I was not to blame for this madness, that I never instigated a dispute between the two of us. Excuse were made and lines were drawn, but in the end, the security of another and the pressure of peers should NEVER have determined the course of action I should take when it comes to my heart. As I tried to work through my part in the feud later on, after I was gone, I realized that no one felt I should be so focused on the past, none of you at home, none of my family, most definitely not myself, and yet I could not bring myself to move on, try as I might. It pained me to think of the hurt caused to Chris and to myself, and knowing nothing of any pain you had gone through, I worried ceaselessly about what had happened and what was to become. You were always a friend to me, a best friend, someone who inspired me to dream, and this alone could have inspired me to hate forever at the thought of you being hurt, when the two of you ended the relationship. But more importantly, I loved you, very much so. Even as far beyond the situation as we are now, it is hard for me to say that, but I did. I loved you. I was not hurt that you chose to date Michelle, because I had loved you much longer than that, knowing that you did not love me back. But when I tried to tell you that you meant the world to me, and that I could not be friends with her any longer, you made my words seem small, insignificant, and petty. You did not mean to, I know this. I am not blaming you in the least. But I began to feel as those around me did, that my complaints were incredible and unjustified in their basis. But I could not stop the hurt I felt, and I have felt it every minute, every hour, to this day.
I don’t want to dish details. Know that these trials, these high school tribulations, are among the angriest, saddest, and scariest of my life. With all the trust I placed in my friends to only feel let down in the end…. it has taken me a long time to move on, but I have chosen to, now that this is off my chest. Please do not feel the need to reply, and if you do reply, reply in letter. I simply cannot deal with any more facebook messages or emails of a dramatic manner. I look forward to seeing you when I come home at the beginning of August, and hope that none of this has bothered our friendship in any way, because you are still among my very dearest friends, of which there are very few.
Lizzy Jayne