Back to square one with a broken heart.
I've decided to cut Ryan off, completely. Or at least until I can stop feeling the way I feel about him. But I know myself pretty well, and I'm going to say this will probably have to be a permanent decision. The situation reminds me a bit of what happened with Marc in San Diego.. except way worse. And by worse I mean, I fell a lot harder. Similar in the way that we were never officially "together." And according to him, never really dating. But in reality, it was like being in a relationship, without the title (not with Marc, just Ryan).
I would really, truly like to be friends with him again someday.. but I think every time I see him, a part of me will always wonder. My heart will always smile, but feel sad at the same time. It's not fun. I see Marc, 4 years later, and I still swoon a little.. just a little. Marc and I ended up becoming quite good friends, but for about year, it was hard being in the same room as him. Something about him just made me light up inside. He was also the best kisser I've ever had, so maybe that had something to do with it. :)
I've been pretty bummed about the decision. It definitely wasn't easy for me. I miss him a lot. I think I've said this before, but one of the worst feelings is caring about someone so much, knowing that they don't feel the same.
I'll be alright.. just give me a couple weeks.
xo.
I would really, truly like to be friends with him again someday.. but I think every time I see him, a part of me will always wonder. My heart will always smile, but feel sad at the same time. It's not fun. I see Marc, 4 years later, and I still swoon a little.. just a little. Marc and I ended up becoming quite good friends, but for about year, it was hard being in the same room as him. Something about him just made me light up inside. He was also the best kisser I've ever had, so maybe that had something to do with it. :)
I've been pretty bummed about the decision. It definitely wasn't easy for me. I miss him a lot. I think I've said this before, but one of the worst feelings is caring about someone so much, knowing that they don't feel the same.
I'll be alright.. just give me a couple weeks.
xo.