Autumn's 10 Word Challenge

[bishop186]

"Simply Love"

No code or doctrine could be fitting
for my love of which you're bidding

radical love, pierce my heart so soothing
free from strangling castes you're removing

clipped, snipped, cut like yarn from the ball
when I hear your voice I slip, I float, I fall

ballooning ever and fore still
burst or break it never will

a beat in plural is

Comments

[ylycoyote]

I like this.

"Simply Eloquent" would have served as an equal title.

"ballooning ever and fore" ....great rhythm....great fit at that point in the poem

The switch to using lines starting with verbs towards the middle stanzas helps greatly with the rhythm

[autumnsea]

I too think the rhythm improves and is smoother from the middle to the end.

My favourite lines are:

"a beat in plural is what we hear
of such calibre it steals all fear

like babes suckling on mother's teat
we share each's security, beauty, heat.."

[lostincandyrain]

I liked the rhythm tooo, and the "ballooning" stanza particularly, although I had a little trouble since the subject in the stanza before it was "I" and then it goes back to "it"(being your love). But I liked it. I thought that the rhythm picking up and getting smoother was god, it kind of went with the yarn rolling, and then falling.

I liked it.