leave me hangin here.
search myself and everyone..
to see where we went wrong
Sometimes home is home..and sometimes home is bad.
Sometimes i hate it so much here that i dont know what to do.
My parents fight till i can't take it..and all i've been dreading is my dad leaving..
and i realize..it prolly IS for the best. Because i now live with 2 people who clash completely.
She wants the pans to try and cook for her two kids. but...my Dad's the only man who's ever used them..cooking for us, that's a new adjustment for her.
Main point they both want it...it's a constant battle of who wants what..my stuff goes here..and there..and OUR stuff GOES AWAY..:C...
:c...oh my gosh, this has to be the worst break down i've been caught in.
I haven't even gotten to the loosing my friend-stage..and im loosin it......
I get so much pressure put on tonight..im trying to drive..CONCENTRATE for gods sake it's raining, and i've got my mom on my right BITCHING about what a horrible man,the guy i call my father is.
Yelling, "my dance conflicts with the chorus."..[[ that im now in love with ]]
i dont think i get to sing in this Holiday Dinner i've totally been looking forward too.
[[ My parents didn't care, but i decided i was doing it for myself ]] [[ NOT for them ]]
"WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO KRISTEN?"
She then bitches at me for my driving..because im teary eyed, and trying to focus.. but she sits there heartless..breaking me down at the wheel..telling me how my life is falling apart..and i DONT have it in control at all. she's fucking right..but..Speak for yerself.
Im TOTALLY drained..and woke up this morning feeling as if i were dying. Stomach again. prolly more Kidneystones..b/c again.."i dont have it under control". came late..so im ALL behind on homework..from like a flippin hour.
i have an essay, vocab to the max..and more packing to do. i think i pulled a back something trying to lift a box that i just threw EVERYTHING in.
no one left to finger
no one here to blame
_if you'd only let yourself beleive
im learning.
getting things under control.
:C <3 k.bee