my mind is everywhere. i wont make sense.

Jul 20, 2007 17:11

so, i've been really stuck in my own head for the last while ( Read more... )

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shallyn July 24 2007, 18:39:16 UTC
It must be so different for you, to be uprooted and moved around and to lose your home. I miss her too though. And when I almost pick up the phone to call her every other day it kicks me in the face that she's gone. I just want to hear her voice. When I'm sick I want her advice, when I'm lonely, I just want her encouragement. When I look in the mirror I see her features, and its hard so hard to try and forget all the things that happened in April. All the things we all had to see and experience, but somehow I'm starting to be okay, and I hope you are too.
I make choices that I know she would approve of. I try to be happy because I know that she was terrified her death would ruin us, and just in case she's watching I want to prove to her that she mothered us enough so that we'll be okay.
I love you little one, and I'm REALLY SORRY that you've kinda turned out like me, but I think that my life has been one of a lot of learning and I'm happy for that. I regret nothing.
You're a big person who when something big is in your way makes the right choice. Your attitude can be really frustrating, but a lot of that comes from being the youngest I think, and being the most suppressed. But when I think of you I think of when you were 10 and you would cover my eyes so I wouldn't have to look at the roadkill. And I think of you reminding me that babies are born in hospitals too. I love you, and you are beautiful. And it's going to be okay.

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