OOPS DON'T MEAN TO BE A DOWNER I JUST FELT LIKE WRITING ABOUT IT
I won't be calling my father for Father's Day, nor will he be calling me. We have an unspoken agreement that we love each other based on our unfortunate stand-offish similarities. I could go the rest of my life never speaking to him and not feel any worse off, or that he loved me any less. I'm his daughter. For him, family is all he has even if
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My mom will cite things and say to me "You sound like your dad" when it was something I've never heard him say or do before, which leads me to believe both of us are fundamentally too similar to coexist peacefully despite there being huge, huge differences in the way we think and handle things. I know I've wanted to snap on people the way he's snapped at me but had to stop myself and think, "No. That is not how reasonable people handle things."
I can understand exactly why he made the mistakes he made with me and I can give him all the reasons in the world, but I won't be the first one to bridge this gap in our relationship because for me I've never missed out on anything. Maintaining that relationship would be a chore for me and I don't care enough to do it at this stage. Maybe in a couple years, but I don't think I'll ever be the one to make that step. (Again, not out of spite. I just don't need the relationship.)
I feel like it's selfish of me but whatever!! He probably feels the same way.
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That, at least, is exactly the same with me and my dad.
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