fic: Propositioned
Title: Propositioned
Authors: dormiensa and withdrawnred
Pairing/Characters: Draco/Hermione, Crookshanks
Genre: Humour, Fluff, Romance
Word Count: 1,269
Summary: Hermione teases Draco about how his silver tongue got all tied up during his botched proposal.
Rating: MT
Disclaimer: The characters featured herein are the property of J.K. Rowling. No profit is being made through the story's publication.
“Well, hello, Crookmeister! Good to see you, too! Yes, I had a horrible day at work, but it’s all better now that I’ve got you to talk to. And what have you been up to, you little furball? Kept the rodents out, did you? The red-haired variety as well? Good job! This calls for a treat. What say you? Chicken or beef?”
“You know, Draco, I sometimes think I was the proxy and that you’re really married to Crooks.”
“Aw, my Gryffindoress is jealous. She knows we’re just best buds, doesn’t she? And what would two blokes want to be Bonded for, anyway? Ruins the whole friendship!”
“If you’ll recall, you did propose to Crooks first. How he tolerates you after being so summarily dismissed is beyond me.”
“Methinks she looks beautiful in green. Don’t you think so, Crookmeister? She must always wear green, says we.”
“Mummy’s got dinner ready in the kitchen, Crooks.”
“So that’s how it’s going to be? Fighting over the affection and attention of the cat? Good thing we delayed having offspring.”
“You don’t even know how to behave like a proper husband, so never mind being a proper father.”
“Hey! I’m not the one who says we should wait a year and ‘settle into our relationship’.”
“You couldn’t even remember to buy the bread and cheese yesterday.”
“I don’t forget your birthday, and I didn’t forget our anniversaries.”
“Awww…does our ’ittle Drakie feel unloved? Does he need Mummy to kiss it all better?”
“If insipid kisses are all I’m getting, I demand a refund.”
“Insipid kisses? What was ‘insipid’ was your proposal! Or have you selectively Obliviated that from your mind?”
Were her ears deceiving her? No, they weren’t! As she walked into the kitchen, she saw a startled, slack-jawed Draco staring at her in horror, Crookshanks stretched on his hind legs on the man’s lap, his front paws resting on Draco’s shoulders.
“Draco, did you just propose to my cat?”
“N-no! D-don’t be ridiculous!”
“You know, as his legal guardian, you should have first approached me for my consent. It’s not too late now.”
“But I wasn’t, I mean, I was just- hey! He’s of age!”
“That may be so, but it’s proper to approach the guardian, you know, or did you not pay attention to your mother’s teachings as a spoiled child? Because I know she is one to teach these sorts of manners.”
“I am not a spoil- what are you doing back so early anyway?”
“I was supposed to bring Crooks to the Magical Creatures Healer for his annual check-up, but seeing as you plan on being his life-mate, perhaps you should bring him.”
“Fine! I think I shall!”
“You’ll need to update his registration records. Give me a moment while I add you in as ‘spouse’. And when you’re back, we need to talk about your new living arrangements. He has a lot of allergies and dietary restrictions.”
“Well, if you’ll prepare the list and send it over to the Manor, I’ll be sure to look at them at some point. Tomorrow, perhaps. Meantime, I think I’ll take him out for dinner afterward. Don’t wait up.”
“That reminds me, I’ve been postponing dinner with Harry and Ron for weeks. Now that I have the night off, I’ll owl them. You two enjoy yourselves.”
“Dinner with -- ! Fine! A table for two, then.”
“Curfew is at eleven.”
“Midnight.”
“Not negotiable. When you’re properly Bonded, both of you can do whatever you want. But while he’s still my cat, you will follow my house rules.”
“And what are you going to do if he’s late?”
“Inform your mother that I’m withdrawing my consent.”
“We don’t need your consent. And stop dragging my mother into this! Unlike Weasley, I'm not afraid of my mother.”
“Oh, were you thinking of getting away with eloping? In that case, I shall report to the Ministry for abduction and breach of promise.”
“Oh please. As if you’re going to be home before the wee hours of the morning after dinner with those two idi - friends of yours.”
“As mistress of the house, I can do as I please. In fact, I can stay out all night.”
“With Weasley?!”
“I’m a free agent.”
“No, you’re not!”
“Says who?”
“Says me!”
“What right do you have over my life?”
“I’m your boyfriend!”
“No legal rights, therefore.”
“I will if I become your fiancé!”
“Oh? I don’t remember accepting your proposal. For that matter, I don’t remember you proposing. You’ve been into the Firewhisky again, haven’t you?”
“Bugger it! Marry me, you infuriating witch or, I swear, I’ll strangle you.”
(“Some proposal that was! ‘Marry me or die’! So romantic!”
“Did you forget your reply? You were going to use that bird hex on me, wandlessly!”
“And you tried to hide behind my cat and use him against me!”)
“Hey, Crookmeister, your pet’s gonna unleash your favourite birdie treat! Crookmeister? Damn!”
“Scared, Malfoy?”
“Only if you say ‘No.’”
“I don’t remember a question, Draco.”
“You drive me crazy! Very well…m-marry me, Hermione.”
“Fickle.”
“‘Fickle’? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“You just proposed to my cat, and now you’re proposing to me. In case you’re not up to date with the laws of this century, polygamy is illegal.”
“I - you - I’m just keeping my options open!”
“I see. And if we both refuse you?”
“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”
“Fine. No. And as Crooks’ legal guardian, I’m refusing my consent.”
“Damn it! I don’t want to marry the furball; I want to marry you!”
“That’s no way to propose to a girl!”
“Well, what would you have me do?”
“Give me a reason.”
“For what?”
“For not turning you into the last scion of your house.”
“Now who’s the threatening one?”
“I learnt from the best.”
“I’m the best, am I?”
“Best-looking ferret I’ve ever met.”
“That’s Mr. Sexy Slytherin Ferret to you.”
“Is that so? They all look the same after they’ve been shaved. Pink. Wrinkly.”
“Well, if you wanted me uncloaked, you only needed to say so, love. You forgot ‘long’ and ‘smooth’.”
“Prat! Hairless rodents are a dime a dozen at the pet store. Crooks has them as appetizers. I should feed you to him.”
“The little buggers also like burrowing in warm, dark holes. I think I know the perfect place right here.”
“Mmmmm… as Crooks’ guardian, I’m shocked at your infidelity. You haven’t even been affianced for twelve hours and already, you’re in the arms of another.”
“We’re not affianced. He never accepted - you interrupted us, remember? So, I’m a free agent -- Oh, Merlin! Do that again! Mmmmpphh! Hermione, love, will you do me the honour of being my wife before you drive us both insane?”
(“See, I proposed properly! You were the one who couldn’t give a proper reply!”)
“The Ministry can’t sanctify a marriage between two individuals not of sound mind.”
“Stop changing the subject!”
“I still need a reason.”
“I’d sulk if you refuse? Ow!”
“Keep going in that vein, Draco Malfoy, and I’ll pinch lower.”
“I like waking up with you in the morning.”
“So does Crooks. And he’s more cuddly. Oh! Don’t stop!”
“He doesn’t know how to do this. Again, love?”
“P-plenty of other men know how to - Ahhhh! Crookshanks! You scared me! What -- ?”
“Ah, Crookmeister, impeccable timing, as always.”
Draco retrieved the velvet box from the furry mouth and opened it. His hopeful stare found the answer he wanted in the dark depths of her eyes. He laughed and peppered her with kisses. Crookshanks purred contentedly as Draco carried her into the bedroom and shut the door.
Authors: dormiensa and withdrawnred
Pairing/Characters: Draco/Hermione, Crookshanks
Genre: Humour, Fluff, Romance
Word Count: 1,269
Summary: Hermione teases Draco about how his silver tongue got all tied up during his botched proposal.
Rating: MT
Disclaimer: The characters featured herein are the property of J.K. Rowling. No profit is being made through the story's publication.
“Well, hello, Crookmeister! Good to see you, too! Yes, I had a horrible day at work, but it’s all better now that I’ve got you to talk to. And what have you been up to, you little furball? Kept the rodents out, did you? The red-haired variety as well? Good job! This calls for a treat. What say you? Chicken or beef?”
“You know, Draco, I sometimes think I was the proxy and that you’re really married to Crooks.”
“Aw, my Gryffindoress is jealous. She knows we’re just best buds, doesn’t she? And what would two blokes want to be Bonded for, anyway? Ruins the whole friendship!”
“If you’ll recall, you did propose to Crooks first. How he tolerates you after being so summarily dismissed is beyond me.”
“Methinks she looks beautiful in green. Don’t you think so, Crookmeister? She must always wear green, says we.”
“Mummy’s got dinner ready in the kitchen, Crooks.”
“So that’s how it’s going to be? Fighting over the affection and attention of the cat? Good thing we delayed having offspring.”
“You don’t even know how to behave like a proper husband, so never mind being a proper father.”
“Hey! I’m not the one who says we should wait a year and ‘settle into our relationship’.”
“You couldn’t even remember to buy the bread and cheese yesterday.”
“I don’t forget your birthday, and I didn’t forget our anniversaries.”
“Awww…does our ’ittle Drakie feel unloved? Does he need Mummy to kiss it all better?”
“If insipid kisses are all I’m getting, I demand a refund.”
“Insipid kisses? What was ‘insipid’ was your proposal! Or have you selectively Obliviated that from your mind?”
Were her ears deceiving her? No, they weren’t! As she walked into the kitchen, she saw a startled, slack-jawed Draco staring at her in horror, Crookshanks stretched on his hind legs on the man’s lap, his front paws resting on Draco’s shoulders.
“Draco, did you just propose to my cat?”
“N-no! D-don’t be ridiculous!”
“You know, as his legal guardian, you should have first approached me for my consent. It’s not too late now.”
“But I wasn’t, I mean, I was just- hey! He’s of age!”
“That may be so, but it’s proper to approach the guardian, you know, or did you not pay attention to your mother’s teachings as a spoiled child? Because I know she is one to teach these sorts of manners.”
“I am not a spoil- what are you doing back so early anyway?”
“I was supposed to bring Crooks to the Magical Creatures Healer for his annual check-up, but seeing as you plan on being his life-mate, perhaps you should bring him.”
“Fine! I think I shall!”
“You’ll need to update his registration records. Give me a moment while I add you in as ‘spouse’. And when you’re back, we need to talk about your new living arrangements. He has a lot of allergies and dietary restrictions.”
“Well, if you’ll prepare the list and send it over to the Manor, I’ll be sure to look at them at some point. Tomorrow, perhaps. Meantime, I think I’ll take him out for dinner afterward. Don’t wait up.”
“That reminds me, I’ve been postponing dinner with Harry and Ron for weeks. Now that I have the night off, I’ll owl them. You two enjoy yourselves.”
“Dinner with -- ! Fine! A table for two, then.”
“Curfew is at eleven.”
“Midnight.”
“Not negotiable. When you’re properly Bonded, both of you can do whatever you want. But while he’s still my cat, you will follow my house rules.”
“And what are you going to do if he’s late?”
“Inform your mother that I’m withdrawing my consent.”
“We don’t need your consent. And stop dragging my mother into this! Unlike Weasley, I'm not afraid of my mother.”
“Oh, were you thinking of getting away with eloping? In that case, I shall report to the Ministry for abduction and breach of promise.”
“Oh please. As if you’re going to be home before the wee hours of the morning after dinner with those two idi - friends of yours.”
“As mistress of the house, I can do as I please. In fact, I can stay out all night.”
“With Weasley?!”
“I’m a free agent.”
“No, you’re not!”
“Says who?”
“Says me!”
“What right do you have over my life?”
“I’m your boyfriend!”
“No legal rights, therefore.”
“I will if I become your fiancé!”
“Oh? I don’t remember accepting your proposal. For that matter, I don’t remember you proposing. You’ve been into the Firewhisky again, haven’t you?”
“Bugger it! Marry me, you infuriating witch or, I swear, I’ll strangle you.”
(“Some proposal that was! ‘Marry me or die’! So romantic!”
“Did you forget your reply? You were going to use that bird hex on me, wandlessly!”
“And you tried to hide behind my cat and use him against me!”)
“Hey, Crookmeister, your pet’s gonna unleash your favourite birdie treat! Crookmeister? Damn!”
“Scared, Malfoy?”
“Only if you say ‘No.’”
“I don’t remember a question, Draco.”
“You drive me crazy! Very well…m-marry me, Hermione.”
“Fickle.”
“‘Fickle’? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“You just proposed to my cat, and now you’re proposing to me. In case you’re not up to date with the laws of this century, polygamy is illegal.”
“I - you - I’m just keeping my options open!”
“I see. And if we both refuse you?”
“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”
“Fine. No. And as Crooks’ legal guardian, I’m refusing my consent.”
“Damn it! I don’t want to marry the furball; I want to marry you!”
“That’s no way to propose to a girl!”
“Well, what would you have me do?”
“Give me a reason.”
“For what?”
“For not turning you into the last scion of your house.”
“Now who’s the threatening one?”
“I learnt from the best.”
“I’m the best, am I?”
“Best-looking ferret I’ve ever met.”
“That’s Mr. Sexy Slytherin Ferret to you.”
“Is that so? They all look the same after they’ve been shaved. Pink. Wrinkly.”
“Well, if you wanted me uncloaked, you only needed to say so, love. You forgot ‘long’ and ‘smooth’.”
“Prat! Hairless rodents are a dime a dozen at the pet store. Crooks has them as appetizers. I should feed you to him.”
“The little buggers also like burrowing in warm, dark holes. I think I know the perfect place right here.”
“Mmmmm… as Crooks’ guardian, I’m shocked at your infidelity. You haven’t even been affianced for twelve hours and already, you’re in the arms of another.”
“We’re not affianced. He never accepted - you interrupted us, remember? So, I’m a free agent -- Oh, Merlin! Do that again! Mmmmpphh! Hermione, love, will you do me the honour of being my wife before you drive us both insane?”
(“See, I proposed properly! You were the one who couldn’t give a proper reply!”)
“The Ministry can’t sanctify a marriage between two individuals not of sound mind.”
“Stop changing the subject!”
“I still need a reason.”
“I’d sulk if you refuse? Ow!”
“Keep going in that vein, Draco Malfoy, and I’ll pinch lower.”
“I like waking up with you in the morning.”
“So does Crooks. And he’s more cuddly. Oh! Don’t stop!”
“He doesn’t know how to do this. Again, love?”
“P-plenty of other men know how to - Ahhhh! Crookshanks! You scared me! What -- ?”
“Ah, Crookmeister, impeccable timing, as always.”
Draco retrieved the velvet box from the furry mouth and opened it. His hopeful stare found the answer he wanted in the dark depths of her eyes. He laughed and peppered her with kisses. Crookshanks purred contentedly as Draco carried her into the bedroom and shut the door.