Fic: Let's all get up and dance to a song that was a hit before your mother was born
So, kiffle said, ""It’s all about Kaner and his mom. I really hope someone writes a story about Segs hitting on her and Kaner flipping out, whining to Jonny." And then this happened. The title (Beatles, Your Mother Should Know) is almost longer than the story. (1186 words)
Hockey RPF, Patrick Kane, Jonathan Toews, Tyler Seguin, Donna Kane.
On some level, some level far, far away that Patrick didn't want to think about, he knew his mom was hot. It was like, an academic level, or something, but still.
His sisters were hot, this he knew for sure. He'd seen enough assholes hit on them over the years that he couldn't not know that they were hot.
And they didn't get their looks from his dad, that pretty much went without saying.
So he couldn't deny his mom was hot.
He hadn't ever thought that was something that would affect his life, though. It wasn't supposed to be a thing that he got confronted with, ever. Guys weren't supposed to shove it right in his face.
Not that Segs was shoving anything in Patrick's face, at least not literally. Or in his mom's face, which was lucky for Segs.
Patrick would have to kill him then, and he didn't think ECH Biel had signed him just so he could come over and kill their star player.
One of their star players. They had more than one, now that Patrick was here.
Besides, he liked Segs. He liked his style, his way with the ladies. Patrick admired the way he partied like a boss.
However, they weren't at a bar right now, and they weren't even close to partying. They were just hanging out in Patrick's awesome Swiss apartment after a game, winding down, just Patrick, Segs, and a handful of Patrick's awesome Swiss teammates.
And Patrick's mom.
He'd kind of thought maybe she'd go to bed when five or six guys showed up in his living room bearing beer. It was a pretty small apartment compared to his condo in Chicago, but it had two bedrooms. Patrick hadn't thought she'd mind if some of the guys came over to celebrate their win. She could just hang out in her room, and he knew she wouldn't care how loud they got.
His mom was awesome that way.
Turned out she didn't mind at all. Turned out she was happy to meet Patrick's new friends, just like she'd always been. She was welcoming and charming and never minded the way hockey players could talk when they forgot someone's mom was there.
(Truth be told, Patrick had learned some of his favorite swear words from his mom.)
It also turned out that she enjoyed staring at Segs' naked chest.
Patrick got it, of course, but it wasn't something he wanted to know about his mom.
"For fuck's sake, Segs, put on a damn shirt!" Patrick yelled over the din. "This is my fucking home, not a locker room!"
Patrick wasn't ashamed of his body. He had a rockin' body. But he managed to curb the desire to show it off to everybody he met, unlike Segs.
He'd learned the hard way that the minute he took off his shirt people with camera phones came out of the woodwork, and the next thing he knew his pale, white chest was all over the Internet.
Not that that didn't happen to Segs, but Tyler didn't seem to mind it at all. He seemed to think it was a good way to get dates.
Well, it kind of was, but Patrick didn't like to think his mom could be so easily won over by an impressive six-pack and a cute smile.
Segs tipped his head back to drain his beer, ignoring Patrick completely. Patrick watched his throat move as he swallowed, and he had to admit, that shit was hot.
It made him miss Johnny extra hard.
But Patrick didn't have time to wallow. His mom was watching Segs swallow, too, and Patrick had had just about enough. He couldn't yell at his mom, but he sure as shit could yell at Tyler.
"Segs! Shirt! Now!" He looked around and saw Tyler's shirt draped over the back of the couch. Patrick grabbed it and threw it at Segs' head. It caught on his beer, and Segs choked and started laughing at Patrick.
"Dude," Patrick snarled. "My mom!"
"Okay, okay," Segs said, and he pulled his shirt back on. As his head emerged, he turned and threw a wink at Patrick's mom.
She winked back.
Patrick sputtered with indignation, but Segs and his mom didn't seem to care. Huffing, he pulled out his phone, not bothering to figure out the time difference between Switzerland and New York, and texted Johnny.
Omg Segs is hitting on my mom!
Johnny would feel Patrick's pain at the wrongness of it all.
He didn't have long to wait.
What did you do with his body?
I didn't kill him. :(
Patrick looked over to see Segs and his mom laughing. It was pretty obvious they were laughing at him.
Yet. He added.
Why the hell not?
The team might not like it.
Point. Still. Your mom.
Yeah.
Having someone share his indignation made Patrick feel much better, except for the missing Johnny part. As much of an adventure as this Europe business was, it still wasn't the way things were supposed to be.
This sucks.
I know.
Any progress?
Maybe. I don't know. :(
Patrick had every faith that if it were up to Johnny, he would end the lockout by the sheer force of his will, but Patrick was trying to be patient, so he didn't push.
Guess I should get back to it before Segs takes his shirt off again.
Yeah. Tell him I said cut it out.
Will do. Night Johnny.
Night.
Segs kept his clothes on for the rest of the night, and eventually everyone cleared out, leaving Patrick and his mom alone.
She was busy gathering up empty beer bottles and just generally cleaning the place up. Patrick stood watching her with his hands on his hips.
After dumping the bottles on the counter in the tiny kitchen, she turned to look at him with a smug smile.
"What's wrong, honey?"
"Seriously?"
"Oh, Patty. You're so sweet."
"It was Segs!"
"I know," she said with what Patrick thought was undue appreciation.
"Mom!"
She went off into a peal of laughter. Patrick waited her out. He'd had a lot of practice at it.
"I appreciate your concern," she said, patting his cheek as she headed toward her room.
"I don't think you do," he fumed.
"You know, I'm only going to be here another week. I think I'll be safe."
"Yeah," Patrick said, suddenly deflating at the idea of her leaving.
"Oh, honey, it's not forever. You'll all be home before you know it." She twinkled at him. "Johnny's on the case, so…"
He brightened. "Yeah, he is." Pointing at her, Patrick said sternly, "No more team parties for you."
"Whatever you say, honey." She looked over her shoulder at him as she reached her bedroom door. "But Tyler invited me to -"
Patrick didn't let her finish. He didn't want to know. "No way in hell," he exploded. She laughed again and he shooed her off to bed. He dug his phone back out and glared at it. Firmly setting his jaw, he found Segs' number and started typing.
You're a dead man.
Hockey RPF, Patrick Kane, Jonathan Toews, Tyler Seguin, Donna Kane.
On some level, some level far, far away that Patrick didn't want to think about, he knew his mom was hot. It was like, an academic level, or something, but still.
His sisters were hot, this he knew for sure. He'd seen enough assholes hit on them over the years that he couldn't not know that they were hot.
And they didn't get their looks from his dad, that pretty much went without saying.
So he couldn't deny his mom was hot.
He hadn't ever thought that was something that would affect his life, though. It wasn't supposed to be a thing that he got confronted with, ever. Guys weren't supposed to shove it right in his face.
Not that Segs was shoving anything in Patrick's face, at least not literally. Or in his mom's face, which was lucky for Segs.
Patrick would have to kill him then, and he didn't think ECH Biel had signed him just so he could come over and kill their star player.
One of their star players. They had more than one, now that Patrick was here.
Besides, he liked Segs. He liked his style, his way with the ladies. Patrick admired the way he partied like a boss.
However, they weren't at a bar right now, and they weren't even close to partying. They were just hanging out in Patrick's awesome Swiss apartment after a game, winding down, just Patrick, Segs, and a handful of Patrick's awesome Swiss teammates.
And Patrick's mom.
He'd kind of thought maybe she'd go to bed when five or six guys showed up in his living room bearing beer. It was a pretty small apartment compared to his condo in Chicago, but it had two bedrooms. Patrick hadn't thought she'd mind if some of the guys came over to celebrate their win. She could just hang out in her room, and he knew she wouldn't care how loud they got.
His mom was awesome that way.
Turned out she didn't mind at all. Turned out she was happy to meet Patrick's new friends, just like she'd always been. She was welcoming and charming and never minded the way hockey players could talk when they forgot someone's mom was there.
(Truth be told, Patrick had learned some of his favorite swear words from his mom.)
It also turned out that she enjoyed staring at Segs' naked chest.
Patrick got it, of course, but it wasn't something he wanted to know about his mom.
"For fuck's sake, Segs, put on a damn shirt!" Patrick yelled over the din. "This is my fucking home, not a locker room!"
Patrick wasn't ashamed of his body. He had a rockin' body. But he managed to curb the desire to show it off to everybody he met, unlike Segs.
He'd learned the hard way that the minute he took off his shirt people with camera phones came out of the woodwork, and the next thing he knew his pale, white chest was all over the Internet.
Not that that didn't happen to Segs, but Tyler didn't seem to mind it at all. He seemed to think it was a good way to get dates.
Well, it kind of was, but Patrick didn't like to think his mom could be so easily won over by an impressive six-pack and a cute smile.
Segs tipped his head back to drain his beer, ignoring Patrick completely. Patrick watched his throat move as he swallowed, and he had to admit, that shit was hot.
It made him miss Johnny extra hard.
But Patrick didn't have time to wallow. His mom was watching Segs swallow, too, and Patrick had had just about enough. He couldn't yell at his mom, but he sure as shit could yell at Tyler.
"Segs! Shirt! Now!" He looked around and saw Tyler's shirt draped over the back of the couch. Patrick grabbed it and threw it at Segs' head. It caught on his beer, and Segs choked and started laughing at Patrick.
"Dude," Patrick snarled. "My mom!"
"Okay, okay," Segs said, and he pulled his shirt back on. As his head emerged, he turned and threw a wink at Patrick's mom.
She winked back.
Patrick sputtered with indignation, but Segs and his mom didn't seem to care. Huffing, he pulled out his phone, not bothering to figure out the time difference between Switzerland and New York, and texted Johnny.
Omg Segs is hitting on my mom!
Johnny would feel Patrick's pain at the wrongness of it all.
He didn't have long to wait.
What did you do with his body?
I didn't kill him. :(
Patrick looked over to see Segs and his mom laughing. It was pretty obvious they were laughing at him.
Yet. He added.
Why the hell not?
The team might not like it.
Point. Still. Your mom.
Yeah.
Having someone share his indignation made Patrick feel much better, except for the missing Johnny part. As much of an adventure as this Europe business was, it still wasn't the way things were supposed to be.
This sucks.
I know.
Any progress?
Maybe. I don't know. :(
Patrick had every faith that if it were up to Johnny, he would end the lockout by the sheer force of his will, but Patrick was trying to be patient, so he didn't push.
Guess I should get back to it before Segs takes his shirt off again.
Yeah. Tell him I said cut it out.
Will do. Night Johnny.
Night.
Segs kept his clothes on for the rest of the night, and eventually everyone cleared out, leaving Patrick and his mom alone.
She was busy gathering up empty beer bottles and just generally cleaning the place up. Patrick stood watching her with his hands on his hips.
After dumping the bottles on the counter in the tiny kitchen, she turned to look at him with a smug smile.
"What's wrong, honey?"
"Seriously?"
"Oh, Patty. You're so sweet."
"It was Segs!"
"I know," she said with what Patrick thought was undue appreciation.
"Mom!"
She went off into a peal of laughter. Patrick waited her out. He'd had a lot of practice at it.
"I appreciate your concern," she said, patting his cheek as she headed toward her room.
"I don't think you do," he fumed.
"You know, I'm only going to be here another week. I think I'll be safe."
"Yeah," Patrick said, suddenly deflating at the idea of her leaving.
"Oh, honey, it's not forever. You'll all be home before you know it." She twinkled at him. "Johnny's on the case, so…"
He brightened. "Yeah, he is." Pointing at her, Patrick said sternly, "No more team parties for you."
"Whatever you say, honey." She looked over her shoulder at him as she reached her bedroom door. "But Tyler invited me to -"
Patrick didn't let her finish. He didn't want to know. "No way in hell," he exploded. She laughed again and he shooed her off to bed. He dug his phone back out and glared at it. Firmly setting his jaw, he found Segs' number and started typing.
You're a dead man.