frankly... i don't give a damn.
school again. now work. ive decided to move, and intend on doing so come october. portland, oregon... here i come. with all the love i have for the few people i care for here, i decided that i think i need a change of scenery. i know i have people there who love me just the same as i have people here, and even if i didn't, im a big boy now, i can handle it. i am waiting for the bank to call back hopefully they will call soon, telling me if i can or can not get the money back from this semester. if they can then i owe less money in loans, if they can't... i have to pay for the semester but fuck it... why finish if im not even gonna finish school. maybe im just in one of my moods thanks to good ol dave. thanks dave for making me question myself and everything going on in my life, i appreciate that a lot really. (note the extreme sarcasm please). im glad i didn't leave when i was originally going to because lately i've had a chance to spend time with someone who truly makes me happy. a feeling that i haven't felt in so long, years even, that i forgot what it felt like to be "happy". if i would have left then, i never would have felt the way i felt as of recent, up till now, thanks again dave. even if things worked themselves out, i could never give her everything she deserves or wanted all i could give is me, and that's not nearly enough. not for her. she deserves the world. i don't know. right now i feel like i don't know a single fucking thing, or a single fucking person. in all honesty... how many people are 110% honest with you? think about that because after i thought about it, i realized i don't know if people are ever honest... either you believe or you don't. in that situation, wouldn't that make honesty the biggest lie ever created? maybe ill feel better in the morning, hopefully i will. and hopefully dave will leave me alone because im sick of his shit and if there is one reason i should move to portland... it's to beat the shit out of him. xo.