reflecting...
2005 - a look back
To be honest, I hardly remember anything.
January: Spent most of it in a daze, deeply disappointed that no-one is calling the year ZOOS, but optimistically holding out for ZOOb-mania in 2006, and had the job lot of promotional t-shirts amended appropriately.
February: Fail to raise sufficient funds for the debut of my political musical “Guantanamo!”, featuring the songs of Barry Manilow.
March: Entire month eerily dominated by concern over whether my fish would suffer in the event of a Bird Flu pandemic.
April: Celebrate the UN disarmament program in the Democratic Republic of Congo by drinking three bottles of an unidentified blue liqueur mixed with some twelve year old vintage cartons of the soft drink Um Bongo, which I seem to remember the TV ad saying that they drank in the Congo, though remedial investigation reveals that this was simply a contrived rhyming scheme.
May: I went to the cinema a lot, and even saw a film on one occasion.
June: Narrowly avoided financial ruin when I read that the voice-over artist who provided the voice of Tigger in the Disney adaptation of Winnie the Pooh had died. I of course went straight to the bookies to bet my life savings that no other voice over artists involved in Disney adaptations of A A Milne books would die in the next 24 hours, but a nagging feeling held me back at the last minute. Imagine my relief when the very next day, the man who provided the voice for Piglet died! Also, I won thousands of dollars the next day by placing a bet that the man who voiced Eeeyore would not leave his house.
July: Celebrate my brother in law reaching reaching the same age as Jesus. All he has to do is make it to Good Friday 2006 and he is winner. Who’s laughing now, sandal boy? Notice that London is quite bomby all of a sudden and vow never to earn enough to buy property there.
August: Embarrassingly find that I left my congratulations card to Angelina Jolie on her new adopted baby last month on the kitchen table - unposted! Luckily, the baby on the front is ethnically ambiguous, so can save it until the next one and reuse! Phew!
September: Unexpected item in the bagging area.
October: Make the short film “Amateur Lesbians On Heat”: Persistently denied professional appointments by an increasingly homophobic and misogynist scientific community, a group of homosexual physicists present their radical theories on the laws of thermodynamics.
November: Robbie Williams pops round to celebrate winning his gay libel case, which is done with some breathless manly wrestling with my fiance.
December: Due to unforeseen circumstances, all my Christmases did actually come at once, so space in my sock drawer is suddenly at a premium. Collect the Zoob t-shirts from the self-storage facility, safe in the knowledge that even if it fails to take off, they are easily adapted to ZOOB in 2008.
To be honest, I hardly remember anything.
January: Spent most of it in a daze, deeply disappointed that no-one is calling the year ZOOS, but optimistically holding out for ZOOb-mania in 2006, and had the job lot of promotional t-shirts amended appropriately.
February: Fail to raise sufficient funds for the debut of my political musical “Guantanamo!”, featuring the songs of Barry Manilow.
March: Entire month eerily dominated by concern over whether my fish would suffer in the event of a Bird Flu pandemic.
April: Celebrate the UN disarmament program in the Democratic Republic of Congo by drinking three bottles of an unidentified blue liqueur mixed with some twelve year old vintage cartons of the soft drink Um Bongo, which I seem to remember the TV ad saying that they drank in the Congo, though remedial investigation reveals that this was simply a contrived rhyming scheme.
May: I went to the cinema a lot, and even saw a film on one occasion.
June: Narrowly avoided financial ruin when I read that the voice-over artist who provided the voice of Tigger in the Disney adaptation of Winnie the Pooh had died. I of course went straight to the bookies to bet my life savings that no other voice over artists involved in Disney adaptations of A A Milne books would die in the next 24 hours, but a nagging feeling held me back at the last minute. Imagine my relief when the very next day, the man who provided the voice for Piglet died! Also, I won thousands of dollars the next day by placing a bet that the man who voiced Eeeyore would not leave his house.
July: Celebrate my brother in law reaching reaching the same age as Jesus. All he has to do is make it to Good Friday 2006 and he is winner. Who’s laughing now, sandal boy? Notice that London is quite bomby all of a sudden and vow never to earn enough to buy property there.
August: Embarrassingly find that I left my congratulations card to Angelina Jolie on her new adopted baby last month on the kitchen table - unposted! Luckily, the baby on the front is ethnically ambiguous, so can save it until the next one and reuse! Phew!
September: Unexpected item in the bagging area.
October: Make the short film “Amateur Lesbians On Heat”: Persistently denied professional appointments by an increasingly homophobic and misogynist scientific community, a group of homosexual physicists present their radical theories on the laws of thermodynamics.
November: Robbie Williams pops round to celebrate winning his gay libel case, which is done with some breathless manly wrestling with my fiance.
December: Due to unforeseen circumstances, all my Christmases did actually come at once, so space in my sock drawer is suddenly at a premium. Collect the Zoob t-shirts from the self-storage facility, safe in the knowledge that even if it fails to take off, they are easily adapted to ZOOB in 2008.