those who were....

[witharrowsready]

...so I wander through light and dark and see faces of imaginary people who I long to touch but know that I will never, a world of unending happiness surrounded by a border of pain, and I fight and I fight to make it through the pain so I can touch the happiness so I can touch that moment of contentment and safety. It is in the center of the earth radiating heat hotter than molten lava, holing power more intense than the mightiest volcano. This is power that surges through everything. This is the power that animates life itself, and I touch it with uncovered hands and burn myself with only the thought. Do you understand the truth? Do you understand the pain? To me they are the same thing and my pain and my truth fuel all that I think and do, and I long to touch another person. If not with my hands then with my words and my thoughts and just as importantly, I need them to touch me. We cannot break through the border of pain on our own. I do not exist separate from my body. I am each and every beautiful part creating a whole inseparable, and like everyone, I need to feel breath on my skin, and have voices ringing in my ears because when loneliness comes, it comes on the backs of armies waging war with myself and my soul. Please, never stand alone (even though I know the armies will come)

so speak because I want to hear your voice

and write because I want to read your words.

A moment of connection was felt and I don't want it to die like so many other beautiful ghosts haunting me in my sleepless nights. I am reaching out. My hand is open. Lace our fingers and close tightly because I will not let go until you tell me to. Nothing is lost in taking the chance...

(10.8.2000)