(no subject)
I went to bed at 9 last night (my body just wouldn't let me stay up any longer), but my mind kept fucking going. I've really been exhausted these past few days. My body is so tense, my mind just goes round and round. I kept making mistakes at work Monday because I couldn't concentrate. Everyone kept saying, "Are you sick?" or, "Dre, are you alright?...do you need to go home?" Home. That's a laugh. Home implies that one would be comfortable.
I feel it. It rises and falls. I can feel the levels.....Sadness, pain, anger, wrath, a river of tears....beyond that...I can feel peace. I feel it rise....my voice cracks because of the tears I'm swallowing. ....but no one understands. So I have no choice but to just shove it back down. It leaks out here and there. I can't give myself the permission to fall apart. That won't happen. I have too many things I need to do. I have to work, and....falling apart will leave me unable to do much but cry.
The fear is back...the panic...I need to get out.................I need a vacation..people that have been there....that know what i'm going through........if not...i'm doing this ALONE!!! I would rather do this alone.....but if someone has been where i've been...yeah...that would be better....
There is so much I want to write. The words get typed out....then deleted.
You're angry, I know this
The world couldn't care less
You're lonely, I feel this
And you wish you were the best
No teachers or guidance
You always walk alone
You're crying at night when nobody else is home
Come over here and let me hold your hand and hug you darling
I promise you that it won't always feel this bad
There are so many things I want to say to you
You're the girl I used to be
You little heartbroken 13 year old me
You're laughing, but you're hiding
God I know that trick too well
You forget, that I've been you
And now I'm just the shell
I promise, I love you
Everything will work out fine
Don't try to grow up yet
Oh just give it some time
The pain you feel is real you're not asleep but it's a nightmare
But you can wake up anytime
Don't lose your passion or the fighter that's inside of you
You're the girl I used to be
The pissed off complicated 13 year old me
I feel it. It rises and falls. I can feel the levels.....Sadness, pain, anger, wrath, a river of tears....beyond that...I can feel peace. I feel it rise....my voice cracks because of the tears I'm swallowing. ....but no one understands. So I have no choice but to just shove it back down. It leaks out here and there. I can't give myself the permission to fall apart. That won't happen. I have too many things I need to do. I have to work, and....falling apart will leave me unable to do much but cry.
The fear is back...the panic...I need to get out.................I need a vacation..people that have been there....that know what i'm going through........if not...i'm doing this ALONE!!! I would rather do this alone.....but if someone has been where i've been...yeah...that would be better....
There is so much I want to write. The words get typed out....then deleted.
You're angry, I know this
The world couldn't care less
You're lonely, I feel this
And you wish you were the best
No teachers or guidance
You always walk alone
You're crying at night when nobody else is home
Come over here and let me hold your hand and hug you darling
I promise you that it won't always feel this bad
There are so many things I want to say to you
You're the girl I used to be
You little heartbroken 13 year old me
You're laughing, but you're hiding
God I know that trick too well
You forget, that I've been you
And now I'm just the shell
I promise, I love you
Everything will work out fine
Don't try to grow up yet
Oh just give it some time
The pain you feel is real you're not asleep but it's a nightmare
But you can wake up anytime
Don't lose your passion or the fighter that's inside of you
You're the girl I used to be
The pissed off complicated 13 year old me