(no subject)
matagal na ako na hindi umiiyak. Humahagulgul ako tuwing buwan kasi parati inaaway ako ng mga magulang ko at ang bibigat ng mga parusa nila sakin, wala akong pwede gawin kundi maghagulgul. Okay, I was planning to write the whole entry in Filipino, but seeing as I'm not drunk, I haven't got the confidence to display my mediocre skills when it comes to the complex language that is Filipino. People just tolerate my Filipino, they've already stopped correcting me, because they know that I'll never get it right. But I'm straying from what I wanted to share with you all today.
I haven't cried in a while. Actual tears just falling silently down my face, no violent sobs racking my body, no constant hitting of a hard surface with my hands or my head or my feet.. Everything I seem to do is a cry for attention and I hate that about myself because I know people pay attention anyway--I know that even though I'm fucked up, people still love me. It seems mighty presumptuous of me, and not to mention a little stuck-up, but I couldn't give two shits if I sound stuck up. I already know I am.
I want to be quiet. I want to be tranquil. I want to stop living my life in front of everybody. I actually want to stop living my life and just sit back and watch. I want to be able to stay quiet for two whole hours without having anything like a cigarette or an ipod to distract me. I want to relax. I want to steady myself. I'm tired, my dears. I'm so tired of being me.
I cried today, in the RSF. Whoa, talk about SHEmo, reading LJ and crying in school. Kulang nalang na maglalaslas ako bigla, proclaiming my everlasting love for ****** and die, apologizing for bleeding on the grout of the tiles. Haha, I wouldn't put it past myself, its an attention getter. Shit, see? Even when I'm being quiet, I think of ridiculous schemes in order to get noticed. Bad Izzy. Bad.
I cried because I read something on Jill's journal.
"it was never between you and them anyway."
...
More will be revealed, my friends. God forgive me, I can't hack it all.
I haven't cried in a while. Actual tears just falling silently down my face, no violent sobs racking my body, no constant hitting of a hard surface with my hands or my head or my feet.. Everything I seem to do is a cry for attention and I hate that about myself because I know people pay attention anyway--I know that even though I'm fucked up, people still love me. It seems mighty presumptuous of me, and not to mention a little stuck-up, but I couldn't give two shits if I sound stuck up. I already know I am.
I want to be quiet. I want to be tranquil. I want to stop living my life in front of everybody. I actually want to stop living my life and just sit back and watch. I want to be able to stay quiet for two whole hours without having anything like a cigarette or an ipod to distract me. I want to relax. I want to steady myself. I'm tired, my dears. I'm so tired of being me.
I cried today, in the RSF. Whoa, talk about SHEmo, reading LJ and crying in school. Kulang nalang na maglalaslas ako bigla, proclaiming my everlasting love for ****** and die, apologizing for bleeding on the grout of the tiles. Haha, I wouldn't put it past myself, its an attention getter. Shit, see? Even when I'm being quiet, I think of ridiculous schemes in order to get noticed. Bad Izzy. Bad.
I cried because I read something on Jill's journal.
"it was never between you and them anyway."
...
More will be revealed, my friends. God forgive me, I can't hack it all.