break down these walls that we've built around ourselves

[with_diamonds]

It had been a long night. A better night, in fact, than usual, which really should have been Lucy's first indication that something had to give. Usually, good was something relative here, just meaning that anything awful had been kept to a minimum, but this, it was something different, something to be acted on. Out on the boardwalk, her bony

Comments

[with_diamonds]

"I know," Lucy replied, not bothering to try to hide a wince. She wasn't going to say she was sorry - at least, not yet; that was being saved for if this crashed and burned - but she couldn't help feeling a little guilty. It was the middle of the night, she didn't want to worry him; basically, she was being a first-class idiot in every way possible. Even sitting here now, looking up at him, she was entirely aware of it. That was all the more reason, though, to get it over with. "It was a little unexpected for me, too. Everything's fine, I swear. But..."

Trailing off, she exhaled heavily, and pulled herself to her feet once more. There was no easy way to say this, but she had to try, had to start somewhere. Disastrous though it was possible - likely - to be, she was out of options. "But I like you," she said all in a rush, something in her gaze almost pleading as she looked up at him. "I've been - believe me, I've been trying really, really hard not to, for any number of reasons, but... I can't anymore. I realized that tonight. And I know that you were the one who didn't kiss me before, and that you're one of my best friends and I might be ruining that right now. The last thing I want is to make anything weird between us. But I needed to say it, and I needed you to know."

A barely noticeable flush rising to her cheeks, she finally averted her eyes from him to the floor, fixing intently on her feet as she shifted her weight. "So there's that."

[defected]

There was, at first, relief. It was minimal, but it was relief, nonetheless. She was fine, everything was fine - and then it wasn't. Then it was complicated.

Bryce was aware (painfully so) that he was staring. Frozen in place, standing at the center of what passed for his living room, he could do little more than watch Lucy, replaying her words in his mind like a record in hope, that the next verse might suddenly come to him. Even once she was silent, her words filled his ears, reverberating off the wooden walls and urging him to speak, to say anything.

He didn't.

Instead, Bryce turned his back on her and took a few steps, then turned and repeated the same action. He paced like this, back and forth, side to side, for what felt like an eternity, thought it could have very well been mere minutes. Time, he found, was the furthest thing from his mind right now. All of a sudden, he had a choice to make. It wasn't a matter of whether he felt the same - he did, and had for a while - but of whether he could admit it. Of whether he could afford to get involved; whether it was even fair to her.

"That's, um - that's also unexpected," he pointed out, for lack of anything better to say.

[with_diamonds]

If trying not to act on the way she'd felt for some time had been excruciating, waiting for a response was even more so. Lucy found herself unable to move, looking up from the floor at him both nervous and expectant, trying to hold on to what last shred of hope, of dignity, she could. There was a reason she didn't usually do things like this, putting herself on the line, so much more vulnerable than she liked to let herself seem. It wouldn't have taken so much thought if he was going to return the sentiment; that much, the logical part of her knew, was obvious. Any last second, though, that she could delay the inevitable, was worthwhile.

And then it came. Try though she might, she couldn't help wincing slightly, then smiled mirthlessly, eyes closing as she ran her hands back through her hair. "I'm an idiot," she sighed, though it wasn't surprising. What was surprising was that he found it unexpected. Apparently, she was even better at hiding her feelings than she'd thought. After those Halloween costumes, after he'd asked her to dance, it had been hard not to believe that there might have been something more there. "Look, I am… really, really sorry about this. I just thought… Well, I think that much is obvious."

[defected]

There was no easy way to go about this, but as soon as Lucy assumed it, Bryce knew that turning her down had not been his intention. He knew it, clearer than anything else at the moment, because he felt an instant and barely controllable urge to rush to her, to comfort and reassure her. To prove her - and, on some deeper level, himself - wrong. He just wasn't sure that he could.

But letting Lucy assume that she had somehow misinterpreted whatever this was between them wasn't an option, either. With both Chuck and Sarah gone, she was the closest thing he had to... well, anything. He had no family and only precious few others he could call friends; even then, it was Lucy whom he trusted above all the rest. Whom he trusted at all. That had to count for something.

"No, don't - you're not an idiot, I am. I'm the one who..." He trailed off, unsure of what, exactly, made him an idiot. It was difficult to keep from simply citing every action he'd made since the day he had nearly kissed her, only to back off at the last possible second. "I'm the one who's been afraid to acknowledge that there's anything between us."

[with_diamonds]

Standing there in front of him, it was almost like preparing for the other shoe to drop, Lucy just managing not to hold her breath as she waited to see how he would choose to let her down easy. It was, or should have been, a simple conversation; that it wasn't was all it took to show that she'd made a mistake, misread some signs, acted on an impulse she should have tried harder to ignore. Besides, she'd been ready for this, not so optimistic as to think that there would be some big, romantic moment wherein she professed her feelings and he returned them. Things were never that simple. This, then, shouldn't have been so difficult.

So ready had she been getting herself for the rejection that was sure to ensue that, when he finally spoke, she couldn't fully make sense of it, or the implication in it. In showing up at his door, she hadn't really thought it would be anything more than a one-word conversation. She certainly hadn't expected to be all but turned down only to be given what might just have been some measure of hope. "Wait, so now you're saying..." she began, but had to trail off in turn, not wanting to jump to any conclusions, lest she wind up more disappointed for it. "I think you're gonna have to help me out here."

[defected]

"I'm saying..." He didn't know what he was saying, really, and wound up opening his mouth only to trail off once more. Typically smooth though he was, Bryce was finding eloquence an elusive concept this evening, his having aced seduction school doing fuck-all to help him through the current situation. The difference was that nothing in the field mattered on a personal level. Even when he and Sarah had become involved, it had started off as a cover, only to ease into something less clean and clear as the time passed. It had been too long since Bryce had been in a position where he was calling the shots; where the choice was his and the decision wasn't life and death. (Never had he expected to be even more difficult that the infamous blue-wire-red-wire dilemma.)

Lacking the right words with which to explain himself - and fearing, if only in part, that he might reveal a little too much if he tried to express himself at all - Bryce threw his head back, all but giving up. There was nothing left to do, and if he couldn't tell her how he felt... he should just show her. He should just finish what he had started, all those months ago.

With that, he extended one arm toward Lucy's hip and pulled her toward him even as he stepped forward, his free hand grazing her neckline when he finally touched his lips to hers.

[with_diamonds]

It seemed to take an eternity for him to reply, words hanging heavy in the air between them after he trailed off. For Lucy's part, it wasn't like she could cut in, either, able to do little more but wait. The position wasn't one she liked, and for a split second, it nearly made her regret having come out here at all. Helplessness wasn't a feeling that sat well with her, serving now as a reminder of why she didn't do this, why she kept herself so carefully guarded. That was how she managed, at least in theory, to keep from getting hurt. She would recover from this, she knew, but whatever hope he had given her, whatever he had said about his being the one who was an idiot, she still felt like a fool.

And then he kissed her.

The response was nothing short of startling, and it took Lucy a moment for her body to catch up with her brain, instinct not playing any part in a situation like this. Finally, though -- and it really was finally, with as long as she had wanted this -- she lifted her hand to his jaw, leaning into his kiss, gentle but far from tentative. There was no reason to be, not now.

[defected]

For a split second, Bryce worried that he might have overstepped, that her advance (for painful lack of a better term) may have been time-sensitive, and he had waited too long. It was a foolish, ridiculous thought to entertain, but then, so was he, with his uninvited hands pawing at her and his lips violating the unwritten laws of of personal space considerably.

And then she kissed him back.

The hand at her neck edged further along behind her ear, fingers digging (softly) into her hair, while the one on her hip made its way around her back and pushed her even closer. His lips parted, kissed the middle of her bottom lip, the very corner, the skin just above. It was sloppy and hurried and not at all his best work, but he wasn't thinking and he didn't care. For the first time in what felt like - what very well may have been - years, he didn't want to think about anything but her.

And so he didn't.

[with_diamonds]

If Lucy had any lingering doubts - about her feelings for him, or whether or not this was a good idea, or if the kiss was meant to convey that those feelings were reciprocated - they were gone as soon as he drew her closer. What he'd said, she still couldn't wholly make sense of, but it didn't matter. Even if it had, she wasn't sure she'd have been able to think about anything but his mouth against hers, the way his hand pushed into her hair, the warm skin under her palm as she slid her hand down his side, settling at his waist. This sort of contact wasn't especially unusual for her, but for it to extend beyond the physical was, when it had been almost a full year since she'd last been in a relationship. She had almost forgotten what it was like; she wasn't about to jump to conclusions and assume they were dating or whatever, but this was different, more about intent than anything else.

If some small part of her felt guilty for it, that was easily enough ignored.

Not about to pull away, wanting to make this last for as long as she could, she kept as close as he would hold her, returning the kiss with equal fervor. This had been a long time coming - he had practically admitted to that much, at least, making her feel a little less crazy - and as first kisses went, this was definitely a good one, whatever conversation had preceded it. Until then, she hadn't fully been aware of how much she'd wanted this, wanted him.

[defected]

Somewhere between the taste of her lips and the light yet almost electric depression of her fingertips on his back, a small part of Bryce mustered the sense to realize this was precisely what had worried him when he first opened his door to Lucy. That things would get out of control, and when they did, that he wouldn't have the presence of mind to pull back.

Fortunately, it turned out he also didn't have the presence of mind to care very much.

His mouth continued to savor as much of her lips and skin as it could, traveling now down her chin and to the edge of her jawline, along her neck and collarbone. He moved his hands lower, thumbs pushing up and through the thin fabric of her tank top to press against her hips. It had been too long since he had been this close to another person, both physically and emotionally, and he wasn't about to bring it to a swift and (he thought) premature end.

[with_diamonds]

Shivering pleasantly under his touch, each brush of skin seeming far more consequential than it probably ought to have, Lucy drew just that much closer, her head tipping back as his mouth moved lower. Like this, there wasn't much she could do but encourage; one hand stayed at his back while the other carded through his hair, and a soft exhale of a sound escaped from her throat before she could so much as realize it, though she didn't have it in her to be self-conscious. It wasn't as if she was the only interested party, here.

Distantly, she wondered whether or not this was going to progress any further, if they were going to talk or if this was going to speak for itself, but a moment was all it took for her to realize that she simply didn't care. It said enough, her own intentions having been made clear enough beforehand. There was no sense in getting too wrapped up in her own thoughts when she had something so much better to focus on, his mouth on her skin leaving her dizzy in the best way possible.

[defected]

Eleven months, one island, and several gunshot wounds ago, Bryce Larkin would have put an end to this - whatever this was, exactly - before it ever had a chance to begin; long before his hands had any chance to work down her shirt and his tongue neared her neck. Long before he allowed himself to get close enough, attached enough, that it almost hurt to separate. That he had no desire to control himself. But although time and loss and any number of other experiences had worn him down along the edges, there was a part of him that would never really change. Something inside of him that could never die.

It was, ultimately, the only reason he was able to pull back. The only reason this didn't go any further; because, somewhere deep inside of him, Bryce knew that it couldn't. He knew that no matter how much he wished it different, this was far more complicated than Lucy could no. And it could not progress any further; not tonight.

Reluctantly, he pulled back, sucking in a shallow, ragged breath of air that did little to clear his mind. He breathed in the scent of her hair and felt lightheaded, his skin tingling from the (too) long-lasting ghost of her touch. He would have liked to say something just then, something both neutral and reassuring, if such a thing existed, but Bryce had found himself in a state of literal speechlessness.

[with_diamonds]

Practically gasping for air when he pulled away, Lucy could do nothing but blink for a moment, dazed and breathless and not sure if she was even seeing straight. She'd wanted, of course, little more than for him to keep going, but she supposed that this made more sense, gave her a moment to regain composure, no longer able to stay lost in his touch. It left her nearly trembling, silent for what felt like an eternity but was probably only seconds. Any words she put on it were likely to only cheapen what had just happened, a kiss that had her reeling in a way that none had in a hell of a long time.

Still, she couldn't let that silence lapse on forever, and finally, looking up at him with wide eyes, she managed to find her voice. "Right," she exhaled, a touch incredulous, and swallowed heavily. "That... was absolutely worth walking out here in the middle of the night." Maybe she didn't exactly have an answer yet, but he had made pretty damn clear that she wasn't the only one interested, and it was that she held on to, the most hope she'd had in a year. Even so, her gaze remained slightly questioning, Lucy being not about to just assume the best. "So what now?"

[defected]

Bryce didn't bother to hide his smile, or muffle the soft laughter building up in his throat, uncertain that he could have had he truly needed to. But he had to assume that her question wasn't as simple as it seemed, on the surface, and having only just worked his way up to accepting that this was, in some way, inevitable, he didn't have what felt like a good enough answer just yet.

"Now, I walk you home," was what he went with, punctuated with a grin in hope that she would interpret it to mean exactly what he wanted to say - he wasn't trying to get rid of her, this just couldn't progress any further. Not tonight. Besides, they could both benefit from a little time apart, if only to reflect on what had happened between them, together.

[with_diamonds]

"Alright," Lucy agreed with a slight smile of her own, suddenly a little self-conscious, all too aware of how ridiculous she must have looked. It would probably have been sensible for her to have put on normal clothes instead of pajamas and a sweater, but it hadn't seemed to matter in the face of everything else. Now, though, flushed and breathless, she was sure she must have made an amusing sight, to put it mildly. Gone was the forwardness that had propelled her here, replaced with something more reserved, though no less interested.

In that way, it was good that he had stopped them, that they weren't going to go any farther. As much as she would have wanted to, this wasn't about that, and it was best to treat it as such, to maintain that distinction.

Impulsively, she reached for his hand, as much out of curiosity as anything else. He hadn't outright said anything, after all, and she couldn't help wanting to know where they stood. "Let's go, then."