Bondage is of the mind; freedom too is of the mind. (Slayer!verse, post rescue)

[with_aprice]

She was afraid.  his wife wasn't afraid of many things, but he was one rare exception.  She wasn't afraid of him, but rather for him.  Afraid that he was fragile, or worse, broken beyond repair.  Afraid that she, with her strength, could hurt him in his weakness

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[with_aprice]

It hurts, when she closes her eyes.

"I'm your love, Belle. Your friend. Your patient. You've taken better care of me than I could have asked, my love, and I needed that. But I haven't truly been your husband, not since I got back." He slid his hand under her shirt, letting his palm rest over her heart. He could feel it pulsing against her skin.

"You are so strong, love. Not just physically. You have faced so many things, and then you had to face losing me. Five years without anyone at your side. Five years of being alone, and five years of not having a person at your side that you could be completely yourself with. This life that we lead, it means secrets. It means protecting the people around you not just from the darkness, but a little bit from yourself as well, because you can't let them get too tangled up in your world of demons and destiny. I was never a person that you had to protect from that, but I think you feel like I am, now. I think that losing me once was terrifying, and that there's still a little part of you that 's scared of letting me be part of your whole life again. Of being your equal. Your husband."

[onceaheroine]

I haven't truly been your husband, not since I got back.

Her stomach bottoms out at those words. Everything she's done, she's done for love of him. It cuts deeply to think he'd doubt that, and Belle swallows hard, nearly choking on the lump in her throat.

Is this, she wonders, the rebellion against her tender tyranny she'd been waiting for?

"Nick," she says --

But that's all she's got. All she can manage. He's taken the heart from her with his assessment, because she knows he's right. He's right and she can feel the way her breath wants to hitch, to hitch and turn into gasping sobs, but she just can't.

[with_aprice]

"I love you, Belle. The only person in my life that I've ever loved this much was my son. And I can't lose you, not like I lost him. I know there's no way to make things go back to what they were. We're not those people anymore. But we're still us, Belle. We still love each other." His voice broke, and he tried to calm if with great sobbing breaths. He was shaking from his emotions and the desperate need to express them so she would understand. He couldn't lose her. He didn't know if he could live though losing her, but a slow slipping away was just as painful as a break.

"I need to be your husband. I need you to be my wife. Please, let me back in, Belle." His forehead touched hers, his body bent protectively over her head and torso. "Please."

[onceaheroine]

Belle lifts her chin to press a gentle kiss to his lips. He's shaking like a leaf and she can barely hold herself together -- what a pair they are, she thinks. She doesn't even notice the tears running down her cheeks.

"What do you want me to do?" she murmurs.

[with_aprice]

"Don't run from me." There was a wall he hit, every time he tried to get too close, especially when he asked about those five years he was gone or tried to make love to her. She'd change the subject to his health, or tell him it wasn't anything he needed to worry about. There was later. She liked to push things off to some vague 'someday.'

"Be with me here. Now. This is what matters." He hadn't made love to his wife in five and a half years. She had, a few times, brought him to orgasm but it had always been her seeing to him. Never them.

He was still shaking, but tried to keep still and he brushed his lips against hers.

[onceaheroine]

"I am," Belle protests softly. There's a hitch in her voice and that's when she realises she'd crying and choking on her emotions. "I want to be, Nick," she vows, kissing him again, soft and sweet. "I don't want to do this on my own. I don't want to be like this anymore."

She's still lonely, she realises. Even though he's home, even though he's back, even though she barely lets him out of her sight. She's still lonely because she's not letting him in.

[with_aprice]

"You don't have to be, love. I promise you don't have to be alone. Not as long as I'm here and I will do everything I can to make that a long time. I love you, Belle. I love you so much that it kills me to see you hurting and not have you reach out for me. I'm hear, my wife. I'm here." He didn't wipe away her tears, but let them consecrate his skin and he kissed her with every bit of passion that was coursing through him.

[onceaheroine]

She moved to embrace him --

And the fucking restraints held her arms pinioned. Belle lightly nipped at his lips and nuzzled back, guiding him to give her a breath's more space. Carefully, carefully she rolled her wrists just so, muscles tensing and working. Thread by thread she could feel them start to give...

[with_aprice]

He'd needed her attention and he'd needed her not to be able to run away, physically or emotionally. He could feel the cracks and fissures, now, in the wall that separated. It was at last beginning to crack.

"Let me, love." He had the scissors ready, on the nightstand, and didn't give a damn about the ties. He only cared that her muscles strained to be released. He kissed each palm as he cut her free, far enough along the tie to keep his trembling hands from clumsily hurting her. Once he cut the second one he let the scissors fall to the floor.

[onceaheroine]

The scissors clatter to the floor and she's already sitting up to reach for him. Grasping hands find fabric, skin, and Belle presses her face into his neck. She's still shaking all over but she can actually touch him.

"Nick. Oh, fuck, Nick."

[with_aprice]

Nothing has ever felt better than her arms wrapped so tightly around him. He holds her as tightly as he can with one arm, and strokes her hair with the other. "We're going to be okay, Belle. I promise we are."