Pay the fiddler's tune (for onceaheroine)

[with_aprice]

There had been tea, to start with, when Archie and Nick first sat down in Archie's den.  Sometime over the course of their conversation the tea had become laced with whiskey, and by the time the more mundane had been talked out and they'd gotten to the real meat of the conversation the tea as abandoned completely in favor of straight shots of

Comments

[with_aprice]

When he first escapes into the library he glances at the whiskey on the small redwood bar, but there's a small voice in his head that cautions he's close enough to alcohol poisoning already. Instead he slumps onto the couch and stares at nothing. He doesn't cry; what little emotional reserve he had was used up in fear and yelling, and now that he knows about the babe he has nothing left to grieve with

[onceaheroine]

If he'd come up right after she'd returned, Nick would have found his wife flushed and touching herself. Tension, combat and adrenaline have a very particular effect on slayers, Belle has learned. Or on her at least. And it's hard to remain disciplined and not take advantage of her husband now that he's home. she's wound tight and had taken the time to relieve herself.

At the point at which he comes upstairs, she's sitting on a meditation cushion, still warm from her shower and her damp hair is braided. Her eyes are closed and her breath is slow and even.

[with_aprice]

Though he doesn't have quite as much grace as he once did, for a man with a cane be moves pretty softly. Tonight especially he tries not to make noise, not wanting to wake up Archie, or his wife if she's asleep. Instead of sleep, though, he finds her meditating, and lingers in the doorway. She looks more relaxed than she did earlier. She always looks beautiful. Now, though, he's reminded once again how young she is. How damn much she's had to carry on her shoulders despite that youth.

He stands, and watches, and doesn't know what to say. Or if he should.

[onceaheroine]

Quiet as he might've been, she'd heard him coming. And even if he hadn't made a sound, she'd feel his eyes on her, sense his heartbeat. It pulls her out of the light trance she'd barely felt settle over her, but Belle doesn't open her eyes immediately. She lets him watch her for a moment, wondering if he plans on speaking.

When he doesn't, she lets her eyes flutter open and meet his.

It's been years since she's looked at him and felt at a complete loss as to what to say to him.

[with_aprice]

He hasn't been at such a loss for words since that day two weeks ago when he was rescued from a cave and realized that his rescuer was the one person in all the world he wanted to see. The one person he loved more than anything.

"I..." He opens his mouth, but his tongue is empty. He steps inside and closes the door, bringing them a foot closer to each other, but the distance still seems a mile.

[onceaheroine]

"You okay?"

The question forms on her lips as Belle rolls her shoulders and neck out a little. She remains sitting lotus-position, hands on her knees, but her eyes follow him.

It's the important question right now.

[with_aprice]

"I don't know." It's the best answer he can give without lying.

"You're the last person in the world I want to see hurting. And when Archie told me..." he wipes his hand over his face and through his hair.

"So much of your pain is because of me."

[onceaheroine]

"Nick..." Belle frowns deeply, astonished by his words.

She shakes her head, the tip of her tongue slipping out to moisten her suddenly-dry lips -- an effect ruined by the fact that she immediately bites at them.

"It wasn't your fault. You -- you had no control over being abducted."

[with_aprice]

"Not just that." Everything. Mourning him, mourning their child, not being as close to her father because he'd never been comfortable with the idea of a man older than himself married to his daughter, getting drunk and making her worry, yelling at her, selfishly keeping her close all those years ago instead of letting her meet other people, not getting her a new Watcher when he realized how he felt about her.

What if she hadn't worried what he would say to the Council, and had told him about the baby? If he'd just stayed. If, if if...

"So damn useless," he mutters.

[onceaheroine]

"What then?" She untucks her feet and pushes up to standing, smoothing down her pajama pants. "Nick -- you were the love of my life. Are the love of my life."

Belle gestures with open hands, palms up. "Everything that came before your abduction was worth the price we paid for it. Everything after you've had no control over, and you don't get to blame yourself for."

She stands before him, rocking slightly between the balls of her feet and standing normally. Anxious hands rest on her hipbones. "I should never have told you. Especially not this soon. I'm sorry. It was -- selfish."

She should have taken the yelling, weathered the fight. She should have taken that secret to her grave.

[with_aprice]

"Don't. Please don't apologize. Never for that." He cursed himself for doing everything so wrong, for making her even think such a thing as that. Her taking on all the burden was exactly what he hated. The fact that 'this soon' was yet again a factor in their lives was another thing he hated. What use was he to her if he couldn't patrol or train with her, couldn't make love to her, and she didn't feel like she could share anything that stressed her with him?

"Just please don't, alright? Please?" He closes the distance between them, giving her a kiss that was almost pure desperation.

[onceaheroine]

His kiss is like being struck by lightning.

Belle's been an attentive little nurse since she brought him home, taking care of everything, tip-toeing around and doing everything humanly possibly to aid in his recovery. It's why she was so furious with Archie for starting to talk to Nick about the bad things that had happened in his absence -- she knows her husband well enough to know the guilt that would come of that. And he's not ready to confront that. She wasn't ready for it either.

But she also didn't think him strong enough yet or himself enough yet for him to kiss her like this and leave her breathless within seconds. The day's stubble on his jaw rasps against her skin and she shudders deliciously, responding gently to a wonderfully aggressive (and heartbreakingly desperate) kiss.

[with_aprice]

He only breaks the kiss when he can't breathe, and waits even a moment past that. He's gulping in air as he pulls back just an inch, his hand on her shoulder to keep his balance.

"For better or worse, remember? No hiding things you don't think I can handle. The babe.." He closes his eyes, but even without looking at her it's hard to mention the child that would have been his too.

"You would have been a brilliant mum."

[onceaheroine]

"Please don't."

Belle has processed the loss, in as much as she'll ever be able to, but she thinks about it strictly in terms of having lost her child. Not having lost a son or a daughter. Not having lost her shot to be a mother. Growing up motherless herself, the m-word has a power for her that she suspects is unreasonable.

She kisses him gently, a sweet distraction from the thoughts. It's a pathetic shadow in comparison to the near bruising kiss of mere moments ago.

[with_aprice]

He should have known that it was the wrong thing to say, but he'd been fumbling for something other than claiming the babe as his own, or blurting out anything about Bailey.

He's hurt her again.

"I love you." They're the only words he can find at the moment to convey what he feels. "So much more than anything in the world."

[onceaheroine]

"I love you too." Belle smiles faintly; no matter how she's hurting, hearing that helps. Having him here to say it helps. She inclines her head towards the bed. "We're both exhausted. I think it's bedtime, Nick."