gremlins in my tummy..
Good Morning LJ or I guess it's good afternoon.☺
My how time seems to pass so fast these days.
For the last 2 days my tummy feels like gremlins are trying to exscape..My gosh I have alot of pain, and cramping.And no it's not my monthly.I haven't had one of those since the 1990's. yay !!!
I know I am stressing beyond belief.
My doctor will not let me go back to work as of yet because of my mental state.I applied with Walmart, and got the job starting in October.That's a good thing.I am praying I pull my head out of my behind so I can be the best at what I do.Deal with people in a place most people are very rude.My doctor feels like in my state now I would end up losing the job before I got going because I have so much built up anger over things with Momma's death, and certain ways people did or are doing.
I am stressing over how I am going to make it in this world on a Walmart salary? I do have rental assistance which helps.You see Momma, and I took care of one another forever, and now with her gone things are put on me more than I am use to.
Cry me a river right?
There are days I want to take the easy way out.I can't though as that would hurt my grands.If it wasn't for them I have to say I would probably just go night night.That's how I feel anyway.I have thought of myself as strong.I am not feeling so strong.
I was the one Shawna, and the grands could come to when they needed something extra and now I can verily take care of me.It makes me sad, and I feel I am lettiing them all down.
This is pretty much my pity pot entry, and that's ok I guess.Maybe it will help me see what I need to do for me.LOL..
I need to hit the lottery.You would have to play the lottery, and I do not.
I have also been struggling with the religion I am in.For some reason I am having doubts about it, and if it's where I want to be?It's not that they did anything to upset me,except bang at my door all hours, and days .I suppose it's because they love me, and I am a part of their family.It's been getting on my nerves though.
I do believe everything is on my nerves of late.LOL.
I look at what I just journaled, and it sounds like the same oh thing.
Grrrrrrr..
What am I to do?
I spend alot of hours on the computer trying to exscape the feelings I have.I am wondering if I should ground my self from here for awhile? Hell I am wondering alot of things.
Nothing makes sense.
My counselor told me I am not to try, and make any decisions right now.Ok, then what do I do when all comes crashing down?Am I losing it? Do other people go thru these same things after caring for their Momma for so long, and then one day your usual routine stops?
Please help me make it thru this journey Great Spirit.
The FMS is out of control.There is nothing that chaanges what I have.I have considered doing what others I spoke to do, and that's doing the legal medication you have to apply for.I went as far as obtaining all the paperwork to get a card.Spoke to the doctor here in town that helps you obtain this.He says I would easily qualify.Is that wrong to consider?
It goes against what society says.Then again do I care what society says or thinks?
I am just a jigsaw puzzle trying to find all the missing pieces.
love,light, and peace..