To explain my St. Patricks Day Frustrations...
I figure some of you were curious about my last post. Let me just say that my mom has always had her issues, with us, her family, life itself, and tends to blame everyone else around her for the shortcomings in her life as opposed to the decisions she's made for herself.
Also let me say that my parents should have divorced like 20 years ago. But it's moot now, I think its beyond them now to stay married, and civil.
My mother is also dealing with the death of her sister's beloved husband of 40 years, and watching her sister, who cannot even rely on her own son for comfort, deal with lonliness and depression makes her question her own marriage and life.
It's beyond seeing the glass as half empty, the glass is knocked over and shattered into little bits in my moms eyes. There is no recovery of the relationship and she blames my dad for a lot that has gone wrong. And my dad blames her for a lot. Personally I think they are both to blame and both at fault. And neither are willing to budge to make anything right. Too many past hurts and issues clouding judgment.
So lets get to last night, a stressed out emotional mom, on her birthday, 2 strong margarita's and an emotional breakdown (that was long overdue I might add) later, she is feeling more than strung out. I am doing my best to be supportive and understanding, and not letting old childhood issues get in the way of that. Let's just say, it's always been about mom, always will be about mom and mom has "always carried all the burdens of the family" while we've "sat on our asses, done nothing and not cared" (according to her). To a small point that has been true, but she's never let us have opinions or our own thoughts of our whole family. What she's said goes, and that's been that.
It's not as bad as it seems however, when she is calm she can be objective, just last night was emotional overload and I was there to ease the blow so to speak. Dad in his own way tries to keep some kind of interaction going between them, but mom just sees it as an invasion of privacy. One of these days they will be on the same page with eachother and get over this bullshit. Or they will divorce FINALLY and stop driving eachother and all of us crazy.
Today is a better day. Mom didn't have a hangover, she seemed to pull herself together, and Dad is coming over tonight to spend a couple days with us. I am not sure what the future holds. Here is where I have to buckle down, go day by day and not worry about tomorrow which is my norm.
You'd think I would have collapsed and died from all the pressure, stress and crap I've dealt with over the last 5 months. But it just reinforces the fact that I am stronger and more able than I've realized and that it takes more than a few assholes fucking with me to bring me down... actually nothing but the Goddess herself will bring me down. I've proven that to myself.
So, for all that are worried, don't be, I'm ok, I am just dealing with my family at a very difficult and challenging time and it's not even close to being over.
I do want to give KUDOS and love to my husband, for without whom I'd be a basket case. Rob you have been more than wonderful, and the best friend and mate I could have ever hoped for or dreamed of. I am sorry to have ever taken you for granted. I love you sweetheart.
To my friends that have supported me and listened to me vent and purge, thank you, I am sure there is more of the same to come, but thank you for being there :)
Also let me say that my parents should have divorced like 20 years ago. But it's moot now, I think its beyond them now to stay married, and civil.
My mother is also dealing with the death of her sister's beloved husband of 40 years, and watching her sister, who cannot even rely on her own son for comfort, deal with lonliness and depression makes her question her own marriage and life.
It's beyond seeing the glass as half empty, the glass is knocked over and shattered into little bits in my moms eyes. There is no recovery of the relationship and she blames my dad for a lot that has gone wrong. And my dad blames her for a lot. Personally I think they are both to blame and both at fault. And neither are willing to budge to make anything right. Too many past hurts and issues clouding judgment.
So lets get to last night, a stressed out emotional mom, on her birthday, 2 strong margarita's and an emotional breakdown (that was long overdue I might add) later, she is feeling more than strung out. I am doing my best to be supportive and understanding, and not letting old childhood issues get in the way of that. Let's just say, it's always been about mom, always will be about mom and mom has "always carried all the burdens of the family" while we've "sat on our asses, done nothing and not cared" (according to her). To a small point that has been true, but she's never let us have opinions or our own thoughts of our whole family. What she's said goes, and that's been that.
It's not as bad as it seems however, when she is calm she can be objective, just last night was emotional overload and I was there to ease the blow so to speak. Dad in his own way tries to keep some kind of interaction going between them, but mom just sees it as an invasion of privacy. One of these days they will be on the same page with eachother and get over this bullshit. Or they will divorce FINALLY and stop driving eachother and all of us crazy.
Today is a better day. Mom didn't have a hangover, she seemed to pull herself together, and Dad is coming over tonight to spend a couple days with us. I am not sure what the future holds. Here is where I have to buckle down, go day by day and not worry about tomorrow which is my norm.
You'd think I would have collapsed and died from all the pressure, stress and crap I've dealt with over the last 5 months. But it just reinforces the fact that I am stronger and more able than I've realized and that it takes more than a few assholes fucking with me to bring me down... actually nothing but the Goddess herself will bring me down. I've proven that to myself.
So, for all that are worried, don't be, I'm ok, I am just dealing with my family at a very difficult and challenging time and it's not even close to being over.
I do want to give KUDOS and love to my husband, for without whom I'd be a basket case. Rob you have been more than wonderful, and the best friend and mate I could have ever hoped for or dreamed of. I am sorry to have ever taken you for granted. I love you sweetheart.
To my friends that have supported me and listened to me vent and purge, thank you, I am sure there is more of the same to come, but thank you for being there :)