Closing another chapter..
Its over.
Funeral and all. I made my peace in saying farewell to my uncle.
There were many moments that I wanted to lash out. Like when my grandfather commented on how my uncle was in Tucson all this time and I could have seen him. And when my grandmother was introducing me to their neighbors saying that they were "so wonderful" and "like family" ect.. And how my grandmother merely told me that everything was water under the bridge. (In other-words, she felt that they did nothing wrong, so she would not apologize but she would not talk about it either.) So.. just like always, everything they do is swept under the rug as though nothing happened and they continue with their lives full of hypocrisy.
She told me not to be a stranger. I did not reply.
She gave me items that had been passed down for generations.. - I didn't want any of it.
She asked if I owned a bible.. I responded that I own three. That seem to have shocked her some what.
She gave me some lilies from my uncle's flower arrangements. I took them and placed them in an area where they could dry.
I just..
I have no idea what to think right now. I'm upset and un-trusting when it comes to them, but what else is new?
I miss my uncle terribly but I am glad to have some closure.
I have no intention of calling her on a regular basis. Nor even visiting from time to time. There are questions I have that I know she will not answer. I don't feel comfortable in just pretending everything she did to me did not happen. She talks about how it is best to "forgive and forget".
Best for whom. exactly?
Certainly not me. For her, maybe. For my mother and for the thing that she married, perhaps.
It must be nice to be able to erase from your mind anything you have done to wrong someone.
To be free of guilt.
To go on as if nothing ever happened.
I wouldn't know.
I'm not built that way.
.
.
.
Funeral and all. I made my peace in saying farewell to my uncle.
There were many moments that I wanted to lash out. Like when my grandfather commented on how my uncle was in Tucson all this time and I could have seen him. And when my grandmother was introducing me to their neighbors saying that they were "so wonderful" and "like family" ect.. And how my grandmother merely told me that everything was water under the bridge. (In other-words, she felt that they did nothing wrong, so she would not apologize but she would not talk about it either.) So.. just like always, everything they do is swept under the rug as though nothing happened and they continue with their lives full of hypocrisy.
She told me not to be a stranger. I did not reply.
She gave me items that had been passed down for generations.. - I didn't want any of it.
She asked if I owned a bible.. I responded that I own three. That seem to have shocked her some what.
She gave me some lilies from my uncle's flower arrangements. I took them and placed them in an area where they could dry.
I just..
I have no idea what to think right now. I'm upset and un-trusting when it comes to them, but what else is new?
I miss my uncle terribly but I am glad to have some closure.
I have no intention of calling her on a regular basis. Nor even visiting from time to time. There are questions I have that I know she will not answer. I don't feel comfortable in just pretending everything she did to me did not happen. She talks about how it is best to "forgive and forget".
Best for whom. exactly?
Certainly not me. For her, maybe. For my mother and for the thing that she married, perhaps.
It must be nice to be able to erase from your mind anything you have done to wrong someone.
To be free of guilt.
To go on as if nothing ever happened.
I wouldn't know.
I'm not built that way.
.
.
.