If people said what they thought, most conversations would be very brief.
You know... some things are just better left unsaid.
And other things... well other things are good to say so one doesn't start thinking that perhaps it really is all in their head.
I know I am being cryptic. Let me make an attempt to explain. (*gasp* She is explaining her crypticness? Has Hell frozen over? Almost... since I consider Arizona to be Hell...)
So the inlaws...
This evening, I was speaking with Ecamer and he told me that while he was at his mom's house, she was telling him what they were having for lunch while they did the tree-trimming. (Tree-trimming has it's own holiday in this family. Every year we all gather to do what families do and decorate the tree. It's a day long activity there.) When he asked if we were invited, his mother said "No".
(say what?? since when??)
Then she went on to say that the reason for it was because his sister didnt like to be around us.
(This is news to me....)
And he went on to further say that back when we were moving into the house, (almost 2 years ago, now) his sister had pulled him aside and started talking shit about me. Telling him what a horrible monster I was. This went on for 10 minutes, while I was busting my ass painting with swollen wrists and on pain killers and energy drinks because she refused to help me due to the fact I wanted to paint my daughters room. Have you ever painted a 1500 square foot house, top to bottom, in less then a week by yourself? Its not easy. (Then they had the audacity to tell me what a shitty job I did.)
So anyway, I knew that his sis had pulled him in for the talk.. what I didn't know, until about 10 minutes ago, was that I was the topic of conversation. That I am the problem. I mean.. I always had a feeling they disliked me.. But they never tell me to my face because they know I will stand up for myself. So instead, they bitch to one another about me behind my back. They are raising my niece to hate me by doing this. And here I was... stupidly thinking that moving into the house across the street from his mother would be a good idea so they would get to see their granddaughter more often. Well.. she gets to see her all the time. Yay for her. I am still worthless in their eyes. I always have been. And they are probably raising my daughter to hate me too.. It certainly would explain a LOT of things... But I really thought his sister was more accepting of me.
I am an idiot. Thinking that if I did my best, I would be liked.
A small part of me wants to cry. But I find I have no tears.
But the other part.... the other, larger part of me is seriously considering leaving for work in February and never coming back.
Why bother staying where I am not wanted?
And other things... well other things are good to say so one doesn't start thinking that perhaps it really is all in their head.
I know I am being cryptic. Let me make an attempt to explain. (*gasp* She is explaining her crypticness? Has Hell frozen over? Almost... since I consider Arizona to be Hell...)
So the inlaws...
This evening, I was speaking with Ecamer and he told me that while he was at his mom's house, she was telling him what they were having for lunch while they did the tree-trimming. (Tree-trimming has it's own holiday in this family. Every year we all gather to do what families do and decorate the tree. It's a day long activity there.) When he asked if we were invited, his mother said "No".
(say what?? since when??)
Then she went on to say that the reason for it was because his sister didnt like to be around us.
(This is news to me....)
And he went on to further say that back when we were moving into the house, (almost 2 years ago, now) his sister had pulled him aside and started talking shit about me. Telling him what a horrible monster I was. This went on for 10 minutes, while I was busting my ass painting with swollen wrists and on pain killers and energy drinks because she refused to help me due to the fact I wanted to paint my daughters room. Have you ever painted a 1500 square foot house, top to bottom, in less then a week by yourself? Its not easy. (Then they had the audacity to tell me what a shitty job I did.)
So anyway, I knew that his sis had pulled him in for the talk.. what I didn't know, until about 10 minutes ago, was that I was the topic of conversation. That I am the problem. I mean.. I always had a feeling they disliked me.. But they never tell me to my face because they know I will stand up for myself. So instead, they bitch to one another about me behind my back. They are raising my niece to hate me by doing this. And here I was... stupidly thinking that moving into the house across the street from his mother would be a good idea so they would get to see their granddaughter more often. Well.. she gets to see her all the time. Yay for her. I am still worthless in their eyes. I always have been. And they are probably raising my daughter to hate me too.. It certainly would explain a LOT of things... But I really thought his sister was more accepting of me.
I am an idiot. Thinking that if I did my best, I would be liked.
A small part of me wants to cry. But I find I have no tears.
But the other part.... the other, larger part of me is seriously considering leaving for work in February and never coming back.
Why bother staying where I am not wanted?