There are always two choices. Two paths to take. One is easy. And its only reward is that it's easy.
How could I have been so stupid?
These things never last. This was NOT what I wanted. Well, ok.. maybe it was.. But I didn't want it like this! I wanted to be able to be with him. To share this news and have him overjoyed that he finally had a child of his own. Instead, here I am.. pregnant, and afraid to even let him know because I don't want to complicate things for him (again).
It was not supposed to happen. No, seriously. According to the medical examiners, I should not be able to have children any more. After the stint with David, and the tube rupturing... they had to remove one ovary. Then, after having my little girl, I made certain my doctor took care of the other one. Paid for a tubal litigation to be done right after the c-section. There should be no possible way for me to be pregnant. But the urine test came back positive. The blood tests too. And now I find myself on prenatal vitamins and sleeping all the time.
I spoke with the husband about this... I mean, our relationship allows us to be with other people. The fact that I may get pregnant never crossed our minds because.. well, obviously we both thought I couldn't. He was not pleased to know who the father was.. but, being the man that he is, he said he wanted to raise the child as his own. I don't know how I feel about that. I mean.. I haven't even told the father yet.. I don't even know if I should, to be honest. Chances are, I will never see him again. I mean we talk but... we are not close. If I keep my mouth shut.. he will never have to know.
Part of me feels that it would be best to put the child up for adoption. So many families out there that can't have kids. So many that want them. Then there is another part of me.. a more selfish part of me, that just wants to rid my body of it. Pregnancy takes a lot out of a woman. Babies suck every last bit of the nutrients that keep mothers healthy. Iron, calcium, vitamin c, all of that is drained so much so that the prenatal vitamins are little help. I don't want to be weak again. I don't want to get sick easily again. But time is running out for this decision to be made... Oh gods! And if the father ever found out about me making such a choice.. I don't even want to think of the hell that would reign down.
It was just one day... The first, and most-likely last, time we will ever be together like that. And now I have this little piece of him growing within my womb. Tiny fingers and toes. Tiny little heart-beat. Eyes which will grow to mirror her fathers. It's too soon for the ultra-sound... but I already know in my heart what the child will look like. In my mind's eye, I can see it as a toddler... a little girl with strawberry-blond hair, pale skin and sparkling eyes, dancing and playing in the sunlight. . Seeing her daddy as he comes to visit and running up to greet him giggling as he attacks her tummy with gentle tickling fingers.
On second thought... perhaps he will not be so upset after all...
*this is FICTION written for therealljidol week 5
These things never last. This was NOT what I wanted. Well, ok.. maybe it was.. But I didn't want it like this! I wanted to be able to be with him. To share this news and have him overjoyed that he finally had a child of his own. Instead, here I am.. pregnant, and afraid to even let him know because I don't want to complicate things for him (again).
It was not supposed to happen. No, seriously. According to the medical examiners, I should not be able to have children any more. After the stint with David, and the tube rupturing... they had to remove one ovary. Then, after having my little girl, I made certain my doctor took care of the other one. Paid for a tubal litigation to be done right after the c-section. There should be no possible way for me to be pregnant. But the urine test came back positive. The blood tests too. And now I find myself on prenatal vitamins and sleeping all the time.
I spoke with the husband about this... I mean, our relationship allows us to be with other people. The fact that I may get pregnant never crossed our minds because.. well, obviously we both thought I couldn't. He was not pleased to know who the father was.. but, being the man that he is, he said he wanted to raise the child as his own. I don't know how I feel about that. I mean.. I haven't even told the father yet.. I don't even know if I should, to be honest. Chances are, I will never see him again. I mean we talk but... we are not close. If I keep my mouth shut.. he will never have to know.
Part of me feels that it would be best to put the child up for adoption. So many families out there that can't have kids. So many that want them. Then there is another part of me.. a more selfish part of me, that just wants to rid my body of it. Pregnancy takes a lot out of a woman. Babies suck every last bit of the nutrients that keep mothers healthy. Iron, calcium, vitamin c, all of that is drained so much so that the prenatal vitamins are little help. I don't want to be weak again. I don't want to get sick easily again. But time is running out for this decision to be made... Oh gods! And if the father ever found out about me making such a choice.. I don't even want to think of the hell that would reign down.
It was just one day... The first, and most-likely last, time we will ever be together like that. And now I have this little piece of him growing within my womb. Tiny fingers and toes. Tiny little heart-beat. Eyes which will grow to mirror her fathers. It's too soon for the ultra-sound... but I already know in my heart what the child will look like. In my mind's eye, I can see it as a toddler... a little girl with strawberry-blond hair, pale skin and sparkling eyes, dancing and playing in the sunlight. . Seeing her daddy as he comes to visit and running up to greet him giggling as he attacks her tummy with gentle tickling fingers.
On second thought... perhaps he will not be so upset after all...
*this is FICTION written for therealljidol week 5