My silence will not protect me: A lesson in progress.
"He couldn't stand me being sick. Nobody can. They only want to hear that you're healing, you're in recovery, taking it one day at a time. If you're locked into sick, you should stop wasting their time and just get dead."
((Laurie Halse Anderson, Wintergirls))
*It's eerie just how firmly, and precisely, the above words have stayed with me ( Read more... )
The kindness of this note physically grips me, in that it feels almost bodily. Your kindness comes through clearly- so real, almost effortless.
Which means so much. I don't think a thank you could adequately contain what reading this made me- allowed me to- feel.
Ohh, therapists... I work with an absolutely incredible woman; one of two that I've really respected, and the only one that I've truly trusted. (She's just... god, One of Those People. So rare. My mother says that even hearing her voice on the answering machine is soothing!)
But I've never needed- or perhaps realized that I needed?- the regular appointments that I think are probably called for now. And so, even if I still see her: I think I may have to go forward into that treacherous journey of finding a new one, again, very soon. One who's not only intelligent, kind, and understanding- but who I believe I can grow to trust, etc., etc., you know the deal.
The journey of finding a therapist who suits me is made harder by various things, beyond the more obvious trust/opening up concerns. The big two being:
The fact that I'm trained & have worked (when well enough) as a therapist myself.
And then, of course, there's the chronic illness issue. The vast majority of my issues, emotional & practical & so on, stem from a very specific sort of struggle. Which means needing a specialized therapist; whether they came to their specialty through training or organically; and shrinks the potential pool even further.
You get the idea! Sorry for the rant- it just gets (more than) a bit tiring to seemingly always need doctors who work in sub-sub-sub-specialties; live only in certain states; etc. And I thought you might understand. Please let me know if you have a friend or colleague who, miraculously, might fit the bill I describe *and* live in the DC area!
On a happier, more dance-inspiring note: Going back over peoples' journals, catching up bit-by-bit with enormous amounts of information: I found myself taken through the recent images & emotions of your marriage, your baby being made even now, your recent & incredible life journies! I got teary, that's for sure. (Ohh, the precious tiny-detail-beauty of those baby scans!) Congratulations to you, to your beautiful partner, and to the incredible new life that you're, even now, nurturing. I can only imagine the thrilling whirlwind of emotions you live with, daily! So much luck to you, and to your family. From everything I can tell & sense- and I tend to be an almost frighteningly good judge of character, sir!- you are going to make a really fabulous Dad. (I suppose I could have posted some of this over on your journal, but I just got so excited!)
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