Even In Nightmares PT1
So this is my fic, Even In Nightmares (Formerly Rest) that I've been posting to Fanfiction.net and I decided to illustrate it a little and post it all up here. A while back I saw an amazing Fullmetal Alchemist fic in livejournal that had illustrations in it, so I decided to do the same! :)
Uh, I hope it's okay... -_-;;;
Title: Even In Nightmares
Rating: T for blood, injuries, and angst.
Warning: Spoilers up to episode 13 (which is old news...) Angst
Pairings: Soul/Maka
Summary: Between episodes 13-14. Maka is recovering from the fight in London, and Soul is worried. The demon in his mind refuses to be silent, and Soul doesn't know if he can stop himself from consuming his Meister's soul. Hinted Soul/Maka
Chapter One
"I'm falling down into my shadow,
I'm holding my breath...
The deadly night is waiting."
- Papermoon.
***********************
Severe first-degree burns on her hands, several large, angry looking bruises on her back and collar-bone, and twenty-something stitches on her left side from where the werewolf had grabbed onto her.
That alone was enough to make Soul twitchy and guilty, but Stein didn't mince words much and had bluntly informed them that she was lucky. If she hadn't been wearing gloves she could have been sporting second or third degree burns, and the werewolf's claw could have easily broken ribs or pierced her lung, or any of the other organs only a hair's breath away from being butchered.
It would be only a few weeks before Maka was back to top condition, but it was too long for Soul. It was his scythe form that had burned her hands, his failure to stop her from tackling the werewolf that had earned his Meister the four deep gashes.
But even that wasn't the main thing he was angry at himself about. Maka had been hurt before - so had he, it came with the job. What he was really, truly angry and horrified at himself about was what had happened while they were resonating.
Even now, standing in front of the stove making stew (because a spoon was easier to wield than a fork), the thought of the momentary insanity that had taken over and and the results - what had almost, almost happened - made him shiver.
She knew as well as he did what he'd almost done to her. He'd felt her sudden fear through the resonance. Her fear of him.
He chopped potatoes a little more venomously than intended.
A Meister should have no reason to ever fear their weapon. He'd never hurt her, not willingly, but the surge of power had almost carried him away and he'd only barely been able to stop it. What if he wasn't strong enough the next time?
Worst of all, sooner or later one of them was going to bring it up. It was too important not to, and though Maka had been preoccupied with pain and then in a sleepy haze due to painkillers, he couldn't expect it to last. And even if she didn't bring it up, he needed to. He couldn't let it go, not while it risked his Meister.
'Stop thinking about it,' he chastised himself. 'Freaking out isn't going to help, just get this started and go watch a film.'
He dumped the last of the ingredients into the pot, put the lid over it, and shoved a random action movie in. He was hoping to drown his worries in mindless explosions, but that hope was thoroughly dashed to pieces when Maka woke up from her medication induced nap and came stumbling out into their living room wearing her largest shirt and pyjama pants.
Soul froze, half a billion thoughts jumbling in his brain, the most prominent one wondering if now was when she would confront him about their soul resonance. Scenarios started flying through his brain. Would she be angry? Most people would be. Would she still be afraid of him? Would she demand a new partner? He didn't like that thought, but at least she'd be safe from him.
She simply sank onto the couch next to him, folding her legs under her for comfort.
"Morning, Soul," she yawned sleepily. "Wha'cha watchin'?"
"... Uh..." Soul hadn't been paying attention. He grabbed the case, "Grand Evil Gamma?"
Maka leaned against his shoulder to look at it better, "Hmm... Think that's Black Star's. We watched it with him and Tsubaki last week."
He vaguely remembered being very tired that night and falling asleep on the couch during the movie.
She was starting to doze again, apparently finding his shoulder more comfortable than the couch. Still half-expecting Maka to snap, he tapped her other shoulder lightly. "Maka, you'll get a crick in your neck sleeping like that."
"Hmm? Mkay," Maka mumbled, not opening her eyes. Apparently, in her sleepy state, his lap was the next best pillow.
Soul felt his face growing warm. "Sheesh," he muttered. "If you're not gonna actually get up, you should sleep in your own room."
She had already fallen asleep again. Soul sighed. Eventually he was going to have to get up to check the food. He hoped Maka had either been awake enough to remember that she had decided to sleep on his lap or drugged enough to not care when she woke up.
Where the heck was Blair, anyway? The cat's magic would have been incredibly useful to have around, but she wasn't there when they got home from London.
Eventually the timer did go off, and Soul held his breath while he carefully lifted Maka's head up and shifted out of the way, putting a pillow under her head without waking her, to his relief. He paused, "You're high-maintenance, you know that?"
She just curled up deeper into the couch cushions and slept on. Soul smiled despite himself and returned to cooking.
When it was finally ready and neatly ladled into bowls, Soul resigned himself to the task of getting Maka up.
"Maka," Soul said, shaking her carefully. "Maaaaka."
"Hmm?" Maka looked up blearily.
"Food's done. You haven't eaten since yesterday, have you?" She'd been too busy being fixed up, and then she'd been asleep.
"Guess not," she yawned and ambled over to the kitchen table, fumbling with the spoon. Stein had given them some burn medicine, to be put on her hands before bandaging them. The result was that they didn't hurt as much as they would have and they were healing faster, but Maka was lacking mobility. "Itadakimasu~"
She still looked pained by the action of using her hands. It made him cringe, but he knew better than to offer to feed her. Even on painkillers, Maka was fiercely independent and would probably chop him. And chopping him would be worse for her hands then just eating her own food. He kept quiet.
When she'd finally managed to manoeuvre enough food into her mouth to be satisfied, she thanked him sleepily and went back to her room to continue sleeping off the daze of medication.
And again, Soul was left with his thoughts, with only the little demon's whispers to keep him company.
***********************
Chapter Two
"Look up at the dark sky (Baby... for you...)
Continue forwards, lift up your head (I'm here for you...)
Pack away your persistent thoughts into the suitcase
Step forwards, clear away the darkness in your heart..."
- Pray, Tommy Heavenly6
***********************
"No! Don't!" His Meister's voice, high, terrified. The only thing in this never-ending darkness. The light was above. Maka was above, but he couldn't go. He'd rather stay in the darkness for all eternity than face what would happen if he went through the light. But something was pulling him up and he couldn't fight it.
"No!" He yelled in vain, struggling to go back into the painful, scary darkness. "No, I don't want to!"
Still he drew closer and closer to the light, fighting a current that was winning.
She was crying out again. "Soul!" followed by a heart-wrenching scream.
"Maka!"
His breath came out in ragged gasps as he tumbled out of bed with a loud thud. His covers were tangled up in his limbs and drenched in sweat. His eyes stung. The dream had brought him to tears this time. He tried to stop, to tell himself that crying wasn't cool, but the sounds of his dream were still ringing in his ears, bringing with it, as usual, the vision of what happened next in the dream, what always happened. He shuddered, still breathing as if he'd been running, every breath painful.
This time, though, he also remembered the fight against the werewolf. He remembered the elation, the power flowing through his veins and soul, the feeling of absolute freedom, the insanity. The feeling of his twisted soul stretching out to envelope Maka's, seeking to consume it. Her terror at the sensation that had stabbed through him as painfully as a jagged sword and made him realize what he had been doing. It terrified him, how easily he started to slip, how nice it felt, how close he came to devouring his partner, how he had almost extinguished that small, beautiful soul.
He gripped his hair, choking down a sob. What was wrong with him? Why was this happening?
***********************
The smell of eggs and bacon tickled her nostrils, slowly dragging her out of her sleep. She still felt a little bit groggy, but Shibusen'd had eight hundred years to study medicine and she was already well on the way to being healed and the meds that had made her so sleepy were no longer required. She was glad of that. The only thing she could pick out of the haze was a vague idea that Soul had made her some food. She couldn't remember what she had eaten, though.
She gingerly clambered out of bed and stretched. Her muscles pulled at the stitches holding shut the gashes, and she let out a squeak of pain.
"Maka, you okay?"
Somehow, Soul had managed to know precisely when she was hurt or in discomfort. He looked a little like a harried housewife, an apron over his clothes and an apparently forgotten spatula in hand. It wasn't unusual. They were Shibusen students, they got hurt sometimes. It wasn't the first time Soul had abandoned breakfast to check on her.
But it was the first time he'd phrased it that way.
After they'd had time to calm down after a battle, he didn't express his worry so directly. Usually he'd say something like "You're gonna pull your stitches, bookworm" or "Oi, we're gonna have to wait even longer to go on another mission if you keep that up". That was the way he was. He knew that she knew he wasn't fooling anyone with his 'cool guy' attitude.
But he hadn't bothered this time. He'd shown nothing but worry.
She slowly lowered her arms, trying to ignore the pain as she examined him carefully.
"Maka?" more worry, at her lack of response. Nervousness started mingling with the worry in the air until it was almost tangible. Maka narrowed her eyes, and strode forward. She knew her partner, and she could feel his wavelengths - what he was feeling - but she couldn't tell why. So she went forward, hoping to find some kind of visual clue as to what was bugging him. She couldn't help but be annoyed. What was he doing worrying about her when something was wrong with him?
He seemed to get more nervous with every step. He was gripping the spatula so tightly that his knuckles were turning white and his arm was trembling. Was he scared? That was even more reason to try to figure out what was wrong.
"Maka, what are you-"
Ah, there was that visual clue.
"Your eyes are bloodshot."
"Eh?" he said blankly. "That's it?"
It was her turn to be confused, "What else would it be? What's wrong? You're shaking," She put a hand on his shoulder in concern.
Soul opened and closed his mouth a few times. Maka waited, frowning and concerned. He was starting to sweat, now.
BEEP BEEP BEEP
Soul had never looked so relieved to hear the smoke alarm going off. "Ack! Breakfast!" He hurried out of the room.
"Ah! Soul!"
"Be careful not to pull your stitches while you're changing!"
"B-but Soul!"
Soul tried to calm his heart and remember how to breath as he dumped out the burned eggs and started again. She'd been angry about something and the first thing to come to mind was what he'd been worrying about for days. Why hadn't she confronted him? That should have been the first thing on her mind when the medication had worn off. She had been afraid of him when they had resonated so why the hell wasn't she now? Maka wasn't stupid, she definitely knew what had happened, so why hadn't she said anything?
Had she simply forgotten, with the haze of pain and painkillers that had followed? He wasn't sure if anyone could forget that kind of thing. She trusted him with her life and he had, however unwillingly, betrayed that. If she had somehow forgotten, then he had to be the one to confront her about it. He couldn't let it happen again. Resonating with him had become dangerous and he would rather die than let her come to harm.
Dread twisted in his gut. He didn't want to stop being her partner. What if she hated him for it, like he already hated himself?
The smell of burning eggs reached his nose again and he cursed loudly, scooping the blackened eggs into the trash can again.
He had never been so glad to hear a knock at the door as he had been in that moment. He shifted the frying pan to a cool burner and opened the door to find Black Star standing there, obviously impatient for the door to be opened. Tsubaki stood behind him, dutiful as always.
"The Great Black Star has arrived!" Black Star declared, as if it needed saying. Soul was happy to see them. Maka wasn't going to confront him about how exhausted he looked while they were all there unless he acted really weird. She had a weird code in that way, that their problems were their own. He was saved from having to think about what he would say to Maka, at least for the time being.
"I don't know if you've already eaten or not," Tsubaki said, holding up a neat bag of containers. "We thought that since Maka-chan can't cook right now you might be getting a little tired, so we brought food."
At the moment, Tsubaki was his favourite person. He tried to play it cool, though, "Cool, thanks." He stepped aside to let them in.
"YAHOO! MAKA, THE GREAT BLACK STAR IS HERE TO LET YOU BASK IN GREATNESS! LOOK UPON ME AND RECOVER FASTER! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Oof!" there was a light thud. "Be quiet Black Star! I'll be right out! Ouch!"
Soul nearly went to check on her when he heard her exclamation of pain, but he froze. She was probably still changing, it took longer when she had limited mobility and had to be careful about her stitches. Maka would murder him if he walked in on her changing. He was grateful when Tsubaki came to his unintentional rescue.
"Maka-chan must be having some trouble with her hands like they are," Tsubaki said worriedly. She put the food down on the counter and started towards Maka's room, "I'm going to check on her."
Soul watched her go down the hall and exchange words with Maka before entering the room. He didn't notice the oddly serious look on Black Star's face until the ninja blurted out his thoughts.
"You look like shit."
"Gee thanks," Soul rolled his eyes and glared at his friend.
"No, seriously," Black Star said. "You look like shit. What's eating you?"
"None of your business," Soul snarled.
"Oi! I am the man who will surpass God! Everything is my business!"
"Not this! I will deal with what happened myself and - never mind, forget it."
"Tell meeeeee!"
"What?" Maka had exited her room at last, fully dressed with Tsubaki's help.
"Nothing. Tsubaki brought us food."
"Oh! Thank you Tsubaki-chan!"
"It's no trouble at all."
They ate breakfast in peace. Maka still had some trouble manoeuvring her fork. Black Star nearly took some of her food, because she was eating slowly, but Soul had kicked him under the table and Tsubaki had scolded him.
All too soon, though, Black Star stood up and announced that it was time to go. Tsubaki sent him a puzzled look, and Black Star looked at Soul with a maniacal grin that said 'I'll let it go for now, but next time, I'll beat it out of you.'
Black Star was a master at that look. Everyone who knew him understood the look perfectly. The blue-haired ninja bounded out of the apartment with Tsubaki at his heels.
The moment the door slammed, Maka whirled to him. "What is wrong with you, Soul? You're acting strange." She bit her lip. "Are you mad at me?"
"What? No! I..."
"Then tell me!"
Soul had never felt more lost. The thoughts that had been plaguing him ever since their resonance were building up, threatening to explode out of him all at once. Maka had strode forward, angry, hurt, and concerned, until they were only a couple feet away from each other.
"Soul..."
"I..."
"Is it the scar? Is that what's bothering you?"
Probably. The dreams had started then. But like hell he was going to tell her that. She still couldn't even look at the scar without looking pained, he was not about to tell her that it was making him go insane.
"Soul, please tell me what's wrong! You're worrying me!"
Finally, words burst out of him. "Why the hell are you worrying about ME?!" He practically shouted. He grabbed her shoulders, trying desperately to get across how serious this was, Maka's eyes widened in surprise. "Damn it Maka! It's my fault you're hurt, it's my fault our wavelengths weren't in sync, and goddammit I could have killed you when we resonated last!"
"Wh-what?" Maka stuttered. His outburst had startled her quite a bit.
"You can't have not noticed! Something is wrong with me! You had to have felt it! I was practically going insane and I nearly fucking ate your soul before I snapped out of it!"
He let go of her shoulders. He wanted to hit something. He was angry, frustrated, and scared. He backed away, afraid to meet her eyes suddenly. "You should hate me right now and instead you're worrying about me. What if I lost control again? What if I..." His voice cracked "Through the resonance, I... You were scared... of... of me..."
"Soul..."
"You should find a new partner Maka." There. He'd said it. It was suddenly hard to breath. His chest hurt. He didn't want to stop being Maka's partner.
"Maka Chop!"
A book collided with his skull, making his knees buckle and give out. He didn't bother getting back up. He just looked up at her with a mixture of surprise and confusion. She was furious, and her eyes were watering with pain from hitting him. Somewhere in the dark recesses of his mind, a voice told his dumbstruck self that he ought to scold her for damaging her hands further.
"Do not talk about yourself like that," she snarled. "I don't want a new partner. This is because I let you get hurt. After that battle with the werewolf, I coughed up black blood you know."
Soul's eyes widened.
"The only thing I can come up with is that it was because I let you get hurt that time. So it's really my fault."
"Maka-"
"Be quiet and let me talk!" Maka yelled. "You are not going to blame yourself for what happened and furthermore I don't believe you'll lose control. You're stronger than that."
"But I-"
"What did I just say?! No. We are going to get through this together, Soul."
With that, Maka stomped down the hall towards her room, leaving a stunned Soul in her wake. She reached out to open the door and paused.
"And one more thing, Soul."
He blinked, and she turned and smiled, "I was scared of the feeling, not you. I could never be afraid of my Soul Eater."
***********************
Chapter Three
"If you get lost,
I'll come running, no matter where.
I'll be there for you... Always!
I'll listen to you talk... I won't leave you alone,
Never!"
- LCDD, Tommy Heavenly6
***********************
According to Maka, there was nothing to forgive, but that didn't stop the dreams from coming. That night had dreamed of the black room again.
The demon was there, as always, grinning that crazy, maniacal grin.
"It won't last," the demon announced. Soul scowled at him. "Sooner or later she'll get sick of it. Or you'll kill her. You won't care if you give in. Insanity is wonderful, you know."
It had been. He could deny it all he wanted to the demon, but he couldn't deny it to himself. "Maka thinks I can stop it. She's usually right."
Even if he didn't quite believe her.
"Not about this she isn't," the demon's face darkened. "Just give in. It doesn't hurt. It will make you strong. You won't have to fear death any more."
"You don't seem to know me as well as you think you do," Soul snarled. "I'm willing to die for my Meister."
"Willingness does not make you unafraid."
"It doesn't matter."
"Oh? But what if you hesitate?" The demon grinned again. "What if you're just a second too late to throw your life away for your girl's? Fear can do that too, you know. But if you're stronger, if you don't fear... then you won't hesitate. Your girl won't have to have any more of those nasty stitches."
Soul tensed. His mind went over Maka's injury, for what felt like the hundredth time searching for some way to have stopped her from getting hurt. "Shut up."
"I'm only stating the truth," the demon shrugged.
"You're trying to manipulate me."
"Doesn't make it a lie."
Soul woke up to the sound of his alarm clock. He was, for the first time, incredibly relieved to be woken by it. The demon had talked more than usual, he hadn't been forced out of the room and into the darkness. He hadn't killed Maka in his dreams that night.
They had talked things over, decided to get blood tests, to talk to Doctor Stein. They would take precautions, they would practice resonance when Maka's hands had healed, with teacher supervision.
He was still worried. He was still terrified that even with their precautions he would end up hurting his technician, but she didn't hate him, she was willing to do whatever it took to have him remain her weapon. It was like a burden had been lifted from his shoulders. He could stay with her.
With that optimistic thought in mind, he hurried off to make breakfast.
This time. He didn't burn the eggs.
***********************
When he came back from shopping it was to find Maka fumbling awkwardly with the pages of a book. The bandages on her hands kept sliding instead of gripping the paper, and her face was contorted in a mixture of pain and irritation. She was so immersed and frustrated with her book that she didn't notice Soul until he had stepped over and flipped the page for her.
She made a grumbling sound, "I bet you find this amusing."
"Why would I be amused that you're hurting your hands?" he demanded. "We have a TV. That doesn't require your hands."
"I'm going over the materials for the Ultra Paper Test," Maka replied. "This is our first test with Doctor Stein. I've got to be prepared."
Soul rolled his eyes and moved to put away the food. When he was done, he turned to find Maka already fumbling with another page. "Dammit Maka!" he started swearing creatively as he stalked forward and turned the page for her. "You're going to screw up your hands!"
"I'm just turning pages!"
"Well stop it!"
"How else am I supposed to read?"
"I'll turn the fucking pages for you! It's bad enough you have to use your hands to eat!" Soul wanted to bang his head against the wall. "Do something else until Lunch is ready."
"But I-"
He swiped the book, bookmarked it, and straightened to put it on a shelf out of her reach. Maka was having difficulty getting up without aggravating her injury. "Soul!" she whined. "Give me my book back!"
Soul just walked back to the stove and continued cooking.
"No."
"Soooul."
Soul grimaced. 'Where is that damn cat?' if Blair was there, she could just make the book turn its own pages for Maka. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Maka trying in vain get the book down. He rolled his eyes. Maka was short. Even slouching (as he almost always was) he was still taller than her, and he was still growing. There was no way she could reach it.
'Stubborn idiot.'
Giving up at last, Maka plopped back down on the couch and crossed her arms. "Soul."
"What?"
"I ordered a book from the city library before we went to London."
"So?"
"... If I don't pick it up we'll get a fine."
Soul resisted the urge to bang his head against the nearest object. It was a good thing, too, because the nearest object was the hot frying pan. "Fine. I'll get it after lunch."
"I can get it."
"I'll. Get. It. After. Lunch."
And that was how he ended up in the dusty library Maka frequented. He didn't understand why Maka couldn't just use the school library.
The line to the counter seemed to take forever to get through, but finally he ended up at the counter across from a short, dimpled old lady with a broad smile.
"Uh. I'm here to pick up a book for Maka Albarn?" It came out as more of a question than anything.
"Oh, for Maka-chan?" The woman pulled the book off a nearby shelf and passed it to him. Soul handed her both of their IDs. He didn't get what the big deal was with all the security over books. "Is Maka-chan still not feeling well?"
"Maka was injured in our last assignment," Soul blinked at the woman.
"Oh," the woman shook her head. "I thought perhaps she was sick. She seemed really down last week."
Soul grimaced. That would have been after their special training with Stein. He now felt extremely guilty.
She hadn't been particularly nice to him either, but he had jumped at the chance to tell her all her flaws, a fair number of them false. 'Thick ankles. As if.' he snorted to himself.
He practically stomped his way out of the library.
***********************"So did you get it?"
"Yeah," Soul shoved the book on the top shelf next to the other one, where Maka couldn't get at it until her hands healed. Maka scowled for a few moments, but it didn't last long.
"What's up with you? You look upset."
Soul sighed, "The lady at the library said you were in a really bad mood when you last went there. That was after Doctor Stein's special training."
"Yeah, what about it?"
"Well... er... I'm sorry about the things I said."
"I'm sorry too. I said some mean stuff as well..." Maka trailed off. She fidgeted for a moment, and looked up at him, "Hey. My cooking really isn't bad is it?"
Huh, he didn't even remember saying that. "No, I was just angry. You were acting weird and I didn't know what to do about it."
"Good," Maka smiled. "I wouldn't want to force my cooking on you if it wasn't any good."
Soul mentally debated whether or not it was cool to admit that he liked Maka's cooking far more than his own. He simply settled for paying extra attention while he was cooking that night.
***********************The next morning and afternoon came and went. That night, Soul helped Maka change the bandages on her hands for the last time. Her skin was now almost completely healed, with only a few splotches of raw skin left. Soul found himself pausing, just staring at her palms. It had been him who had burned her in the first place. It wasn't like his failure to protect her that had earned her the stitches. She'd burned her hands holding him.
"Soul?"
"Huh? Oh, sorry," Soul shook his head and applied burn salve to his Meister's hands. He almost found it embarrassing, to be rubbing burn salve into her hands. Most humans would think it the act of a couple. But it was not uncommon for partners to have to patch each other up. He'd just been around normal people too long.
"What are you thinking about?"
Soul refrained from answering for a few seconds, until her questioning eyes finally broke through. He sighed, "I did this."
"Huh?"
"The burns. You burned your hands on me. I've never... actually hurt you before."
"Our wavelengths wouldn't have slipped if I hadn't let you get hurt in Italy in the first place," Maka reminded him. "How many times do I have to tell you that?"
"How many times do I have to tell you it was my choice?" Soul retorted. It dawned on him that they would probably never give up on whose fault it was. He finished applying the last of the salve and then worked to wrap fresh bandages around her hands.
Finally, Maka broke the silence.
"In three days, I'm supposed to go back up to the infirmary to have Professor Stein check on my stitches so he can clear me to go back to school. I was thinking we could get blood tests while we were there. To check on the Black Blood."
Soul took a deep, calming breath. "Okay."
"Do you mind coming back down here to pick me up after school?"
"I'm not going," Soul replied flatly. "It's just three more days."
"You can't be missing this much school."
"I am not going to school while my technician is still injured," Soul replied.
"Soul," Maka said warningly. "My hands will be healed by tomorrow. I'll be okay."
"You've still got those stitches."
"Soul!" Maka groaned. "You've already missed too many days."
"And I'll miss however many more day it takes. I'm not leaving you by yourself."
Perhaps he was imagining it, but though she continued to scold him for not taking his studies seriously, she was a little bit red, and the corners of her mouth kept twitching.
***********************
Maka looked ecstatic when she finally took the bandages off her hands for the last time the next morning. She immediately flexed her fingers, washed the remaining burn salve off her hands, and then curled up on the couch with a book, beaming like a child on their birthday.
Soul privately thought it was kind of cute. At least until he stubbed his toe while staring.
***********************
Chapter Four
"The path is too dark and I can't walk
I can't move, be with me
So don't let me down
I'm here because you're here."
- Swear, Tommy Heavenly6
***********************
"Still feeling guilty, Soul? You can't feel guilty if you give in to the madness."
"It's because I gave in at all that I'm feeling guilty," Soul retorted. "Shouldn't have bothered dealing with a little demon like you." He leaned back against the armchair. "What are you, anyway?"
"You."
"You're not me." Soul snapped. "Like hell."
"Hell is inside your head. Believe what you want," the demon shrugged. "You can't deny the truth forever. And sooner or later you'll realize the power I can give you. Insanity cannot be suppressed."
"I don't believe you."
"You will," The demon chuckled. "Now, isn't it time you left the room?"
"No. I want to stay here," Soul shook his head and sank deeper into the chair, gripping the armrests with all his might.
"Here in the dark?" The demon smirked. "Don't you want to go back to the light? Back to your precious Meister?"
"Not if it means hurting her."
"What makes you think you have a choice?"
He choked on his scream as he woke up, again drenched in sweat. He felt sick. There had been so much blood this time. Her blood. It had felt so real, he could still smell its metallic scent and feel it on his hands.
Gagging, he stumbled out of his room and down the dark hallway to the bathroom. There was just enough moonlight streaming through the bathroom window that he could make out the toilet. He reached it just in time for last night's dinner to come back up. He was vomiting for several more long moments before the light flicked on.
"Soul, are you okay?"
Maka sounded incredibly worried. He wanted to say something to reassure her, but the moment he opened his mouth to do so he had to turn his head back over the toilet. He heard bare feet on the bathroom tiles and then felt his Meister's small, warm hand on his back moving in soothing circular motions. When he'd finally emptied his stomach, Maka handed him a paper towel to wipe his face.
"If you were coming down with something, you should have told me," Maka said in concern. She put one hand on his forehead and the other on her own, and held them both there for a few moments, "You don't seem to have a fever."
"I'm... okay," Soul coughed. His throat hurt and his mouth tasted like vomit. He still couldn't get the smell of blood to go away, even though it had been a dream.
Maka tugged him up gently, "Come on. I'll get you some water."
He felt kind of clammy and shaky, a side effect of throwing up, so he gratefully accepted her help in getting to the couch. In a few moments Maka had the kettle on the stove and a cup of cold water for him. Soul sipped it slowly, letting it wash out the foul taste and sooth his burning throat. When he'd finally downed the glass, he set it back down on the coffee table.
"Well, I guess it was a good thing you weren't going to school today in the first place," Maka said. She still sounded worried. "I'm making you some peppermint tea. It should settle your stomach."
"I'm okay," Soul repeated his earlier words. "You don't have to..."
"You've been taking care of me for the last week. It's only fair I do the same," Maka said stubbornly. "You better not have been hiding the fact that you were sick from me!"
"I wasn't feeling sick until I woke up."
At any rate, he already felt better, because she was here and alive with him, bustling about the kitchen, worrying about him like she always did. A couple minutes later she was putting a cup of tea down in front of him, sugar already mixed in the precise measurements he always drank, and then she sat down next to him, keeping a wary eye on her weapon. He mumbled thanks and sipped the peppermint tea. Almost instantly, his stomach settled considerably, and he began to feel very drowsy, his lack of decent sleep catching up to him. He drank the rest of the tea quickly and yawned.
"Do you want some more?" Maka asked instantly when he put the cup down. She started to get up, but Soul caught the edge of her sleeve, pulling her back down to the couch.
"I'm good," he yawned again. "Thanks, Maka. I feel a lot better."
"Maybe you should go back to sleep," Maka suggested. "You look really pale."
"Mmm," Soul leaned on her shoulder, already starting to doze..
"I meant in your bed," Maka giggled.
"I'm good here," he replied sleepily, eyes slipping shut.
Maka smiled at him fondly before carefully shifting, intending to get him a pillow and some blankets, but he was still gripping her arm.
"Soul?" she wondered if he was actually still awake. If he was, it was barely.
"Dun' go Maka..." he mumbled in his sleep. Maka hesitated for a moment, and then sank back into the cushions, Soul half-curled in her lap.
The rest of his sleep had been mercifully dreamless. When the sun started filtering in through the window and woke him up, he found his head resting against Maka's knee. Soul shot up, blushing furiously. The movement woke Maka, and she stirred, rubbing her eyes sleepily.
"Morning," she mumbled. Soul turned brighter red.
"I... uh... Why were we...?"
"You didn't want me to leave. I guess you don't remember."
Soul looked away, scratching the back of his head nervously. Now that she mentioned it, he vaguely recalled clinging to Maka's arm as he fell asleep. Crap. Uncool.
"Sorry," he muttered. He quickly got off of the couch. Maka got up and stretched with a wince when it tugged on her injury. "Oi."
"I'm fine," Maka waved off his concern. "Do you want some soup?"
His stomach still felt a bit iffy, "I can make it."
"No way! You were throwing up last night. You should go lay down."
"You're still injured."
"I can make a can of soup," Maka rolled her eyes. "Shoo, shoo!" She waved her hands at him. Soul rolled his eyes, but headed back to his bed. There was no stopping her when she was like this.
It was aggravating, but it wouldn't be Maka if she gave in easily.
***********************
Soul wasn't sick.
Not in the way Maka thought. It wasn't some stomach bug or bacteria. The problem was in his blood and it had already spread to his soul. He was messed up.
The logical part of him wanted to tell Maka about the dreams. He knew that she could help him. Maybe not right away, but her support and her presence would ease the agony of his dreams. It wasn't as if he didn't trust her - he trusted her more than anything.
His logic was almost immediately stamped out by his desire not to make her feel more guilty. It was bad enough that she blamed herself for the scar and the black blood.
No, it was better this way.
"Soul. Soup is ready," Maka said softly. She pushed the door open the rest of the way, bearing a tray with a bowl of soup on it.
"You didn't have to do that."
Maka blushed, "Just eat your soup. You should rest today, alright? Is there anything else you need?"
"I'm good. Thanks."
"All right... I'm going to get you a bucket though, just in case," Maka hurried off.
Soul sighed and shut his eyes, "Not cool." He mumbled. "No matter what I do I end up worrying her."
***********************
Uh, I hope it's okay... -_-;;;
Title: Even In Nightmares
Rating: T for blood, injuries, and angst.
Warning: Spoilers up to episode 13 (which is old news...) Angst
Pairings: Soul/Maka
Summary: Between episodes 13-14. Maka is recovering from the fight in London, and Soul is worried. The demon in his mind refuses to be silent, and Soul doesn't know if he can stop himself from consuming his Meister's soul. Hinted Soul/Maka
Chapter One
"I'm falling down into my shadow,
I'm holding my breath...
The deadly night is waiting."
- Papermoon.
***********************
Severe first-degree burns on her hands, several large, angry looking bruises on her back and collar-bone, and twenty-something stitches on her left side from where the werewolf had grabbed onto her.
That alone was enough to make Soul twitchy and guilty, but Stein didn't mince words much and had bluntly informed them that she was lucky. If she hadn't been wearing gloves she could have been sporting second or third degree burns, and the werewolf's claw could have easily broken ribs or pierced her lung, or any of the other organs only a hair's breath away from being butchered.
It would be only a few weeks before Maka was back to top condition, but it was too long for Soul. It was his scythe form that had burned her hands, his failure to stop her from tackling the werewolf that had earned his Meister the four deep gashes.
But even that wasn't the main thing he was angry at himself about. Maka had been hurt before - so had he, it came with the job. What he was really, truly angry and horrified at himself about was what had happened while they were resonating.
Even now, standing in front of the stove making stew (because a spoon was easier to wield than a fork), the thought of the momentary insanity that had taken over and and the results - what had almost, almost happened - made him shiver.
She knew as well as he did what he'd almost done to her. He'd felt her sudden fear through the resonance. Her fear of him.
He chopped potatoes a little more venomously than intended.
A Meister should have no reason to ever fear their weapon. He'd never hurt her, not willingly, but the surge of power had almost carried him away and he'd only barely been able to stop it. What if he wasn't strong enough the next time?
Worst of all, sooner or later one of them was going to bring it up. It was too important not to, and though Maka had been preoccupied with pain and then in a sleepy haze due to painkillers, he couldn't expect it to last. And even if she didn't bring it up, he needed to. He couldn't let it go, not while it risked his Meister.
'Stop thinking about it,' he chastised himself. 'Freaking out isn't going to help, just get this started and go watch a film.'
He dumped the last of the ingredients into the pot, put the lid over it, and shoved a random action movie in. He was hoping to drown his worries in mindless explosions, but that hope was thoroughly dashed to pieces when Maka woke up from her medication induced nap and came stumbling out into their living room wearing her largest shirt and pyjama pants.
Soul froze, half a billion thoughts jumbling in his brain, the most prominent one wondering if now was when she would confront him about their soul resonance. Scenarios started flying through his brain. Would she be angry? Most people would be. Would she still be afraid of him? Would she demand a new partner? He didn't like that thought, but at least she'd be safe from him.
She simply sank onto the couch next to him, folding her legs under her for comfort.
"Morning, Soul," she yawned sleepily. "Wha'cha watchin'?"
"... Uh..." Soul hadn't been paying attention. He grabbed the case, "Grand Evil Gamma?"
Maka leaned against his shoulder to look at it better, "Hmm... Think that's Black Star's. We watched it with him and Tsubaki last week."
He vaguely remembered being very tired that night and falling asleep on the couch during the movie.
She was starting to doze again, apparently finding his shoulder more comfortable than the couch. Still half-expecting Maka to snap, he tapped her other shoulder lightly. "Maka, you'll get a crick in your neck sleeping like that."
"Hmm? Mkay," Maka mumbled, not opening her eyes. Apparently, in her sleepy state, his lap was the next best pillow.
Soul felt his face growing warm. "Sheesh," he muttered. "If you're not gonna actually get up, you should sleep in your own room."
She had already fallen asleep again. Soul sighed. Eventually he was going to have to get up to check the food. He hoped Maka had either been awake enough to remember that she had decided to sleep on his lap or drugged enough to not care when she woke up.
Where the heck was Blair, anyway? The cat's magic would have been incredibly useful to have around, but she wasn't there when they got home from London.
Eventually the timer did go off, and Soul held his breath while he carefully lifted Maka's head up and shifted out of the way, putting a pillow under her head without waking her, to his relief. He paused, "You're high-maintenance, you know that?"
She just curled up deeper into the couch cushions and slept on. Soul smiled despite himself and returned to cooking.
When it was finally ready and neatly ladled into bowls, Soul resigned himself to the task of getting Maka up.
"Maka," Soul said, shaking her carefully. "Maaaaka."
"Hmm?" Maka looked up blearily.
"Food's done. You haven't eaten since yesterday, have you?" She'd been too busy being fixed up, and then she'd been asleep.
"Guess not," she yawned and ambled over to the kitchen table, fumbling with the spoon. Stein had given them some burn medicine, to be put on her hands before bandaging them. The result was that they didn't hurt as much as they would have and they were healing faster, but Maka was lacking mobility. "Itadakimasu~"
She still looked pained by the action of using her hands. It made him cringe, but he knew better than to offer to feed her. Even on painkillers, Maka was fiercely independent and would probably chop him. And chopping him would be worse for her hands then just eating her own food. He kept quiet.
When she'd finally managed to manoeuvre enough food into her mouth to be satisfied, she thanked him sleepily and went back to her room to continue sleeping off the daze of medication.
And again, Soul was left with his thoughts, with only the little demon's whispers to keep him company.
***********************
Chapter Two
"Look up at the dark sky (Baby... for you...)
Continue forwards, lift up your head (I'm here for you...)
Pack away your persistent thoughts into the suitcase
Step forwards, clear away the darkness in your heart..."
- Pray, Tommy Heavenly6
***********************
"No! Don't!" His Meister's voice, high, terrified. The only thing in this never-ending darkness. The light was above. Maka was above, but he couldn't go. He'd rather stay in the darkness for all eternity than face what would happen if he went through the light. But something was pulling him up and he couldn't fight it.
"No!" He yelled in vain, struggling to go back into the painful, scary darkness. "No, I don't want to!"
Still he drew closer and closer to the light, fighting a current that was winning.
She was crying out again. "Soul!" followed by a heart-wrenching scream.
"Maka!"
His breath came out in ragged gasps as he tumbled out of bed with a loud thud. His covers were tangled up in his limbs and drenched in sweat. His eyes stung. The dream had brought him to tears this time. He tried to stop, to tell himself that crying wasn't cool, but the sounds of his dream were still ringing in his ears, bringing with it, as usual, the vision of what happened next in the dream, what always happened. He shuddered, still breathing as if he'd been running, every breath painful.
This time, though, he also remembered the fight against the werewolf. He remembered the elation, the power flowing through his veins and soul, the feeling of absolute freedom, the insanity. The feeling of his twisted soul stretching out to envelope Maka's, seeking to consume it. Her terror at the sensation that had stabbed through him as painfully as a jagged sword and made him realize what he had been doing. It terrified him, how easily he started to slip, how nice it felt, how close he came to devouring his partner, how he had almost extinguished that small, beautiful soul.
He gripped his hair, choking down a sob. What was wrong with him? Why was this happening?
***********************
The smell of eggs and bacon tickled her nostrils, slowly dragging her out of her sleep. She still felt a little bit groggy, but Shibusen'd had eight hundred years to study medicine and she was already well on the way to being healed and the meds that had made her so sleepy were no longer required. She was glad of that. The only thing she could pick out of the haze was a vague idea that Soul had made her some food. She couldn't remember what she had eaten, though.
She gingerly clambered out of bed and stretched. Her muscles pulled at the stitches holding shut the gashes, and she let out a squeak of pain.
"Maka, you okay?"
Somehow, Soul had managed to know precisely when she was hurt or in discomfort. He looked a little like a harried housewife, an apron over his clothes and an apparently forgotten spatula in hand. It wasn't unusual. They were Shibusen students, they got hurt sometimes. It wasn't the first time Soul had abandoned breakfast to check on her.
But it was the first time he'd phrased it that way.
After they'd had time to calm down after a battle, he didn't express his worry so directly. Usually he'd say something like "You're gonna pull your stitches, bookworm" or "Oi, we're gonna have to wait even longer to go on another mission if you keep that up". That was the way he was. He knew that she knew he wasn't fooling anyone with his 'cool guy' attitude.
But he hadn't bothered this time. He'd shown nothing but worry.
She slowly lowered her arms, trying to ignore the pain as she examined him carefully.
"Maka?" more worry, at her lack of response. Nervousness started mingling with the worry in the air until it was almost tangible. Maka narrowed her eyes, and strode forward. She knew her partner, and she could feel his wavelengths - what he was feeling - but she couldn't tell why. So she went forward, hoping to find some kind of visual clue as to what was bugging him. She couldn't help but be annoyed. What was he doing worrying about her when something was wrong with him?
He seemed to get more nervous with every step. He was gripping the spatula so tightly that his knuckles were turning white and his arm was trembling. Was he scared? That was even more reason to try to figure out what was wrong.
"Maka, what are you-"
Ah, there was that visual clue.
"Your eyes are bloodshot."
"Eh?" he said blankly. "That's it?"
It was her turn to be confused, "What else would it be? What's wrong? You're shaking," She put a hand on his shoulder in concern.
Soul opened and closed his mouth a few times. Maka waited, frowning and concerned. He was starting to sweat, now.
BEEP BEEP BEEP
Soul had never looked so relieved to hear the smoke alarm going off. "Ack! Breakfast!" He hurried out of the room.
"Ah! Soul!"
"Be careful not to pull your stitches while you're changing!"
"B-but Soul!"
Soul tried to calm his heart and remember how to breath as he dumped out the burned eggs and started again. She'd been angry about something and the first thing to come to mind was what he'd been worrying about for days. Why hadn't she confronted him? That should have been the first thing on her mind when the medication had worn off. She had been afraid of him when they had resonated so why the hell wasn't she now? Maka wasn't stupid, she definitely knew what had happened, so why hadn't she said anything?
Had she simply forgotten, with the haze of pain and painkillers that had followed? He wasn't sure if anyone could forget that kind of thing. She trusted him with her life and he had, however unwillingly, betrayed that. If she had somehow forgotten, then he had to be the one to confront her about it. He couldn't let it happen again. Resonating with him had become dangerous and he would rather die than let her come to harm.
Dread twisted in his gut. He didn't want to stop being her partner. What if she hated him for it, like he already hated himself?
The smell of burning eggs reached his nose again and he cursed loudly, scooping the blackened eggs into the trash can again.
He had never been so glad to hear a knock at the door as he had been in that moment. He shifted the frying pan to a cool burner and opened the door to find Black Star standing there, obviously impatient for the door to be opened. Tsubaki stood behind him, dutiful as always.
"The Great Black Star has arrived!" Black Star declared, as if it needed saying. Soul was happy to see them. Maka wasn't going to confront him about how exhausted he looked while they were all there unless he acted really weird. She had a weird code in that way, that their problems were their own. He was saved from having to think about what he would say to Maka, at least for the time being.
"I don't know if you've already eaten or not," Tsubaki said, holding up a neat bag of containers. "We thought that since Maka-chan can't cook right now you might be getting a little tired, so we brought food."
At the moment, Tsubaki was his favourite person. He tried to play it cool, though, "Cool, thanks." He stepped aside to let them in.
"YAHOO! MAKA, THE GREAT BLACK STAR IS HERE TO LET YOU BASK IN GREATNESS! LOOK UPON ME AND RECOVER FASTER! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Oof!" there was a light thud. "Be quiet Black Star! I'll be right out! Ouch!"
Soul nearly went to check on her when he heard her exclamation of pain, but he froze. She was probably still changing, it took longer when she had limited mobility and had to be careful about her stitches. Maka would murder him if he walked in on her changing. He was grateful when Tsubaki came to his unintentional rescue.
"Maka-chan must be having some trouble with her hands like they are," Tsubaki said worriedly. She put the food down on the counter and started towards Maka's room, "I'm going to check on her."
Soul watched her go down the hall and exchange words with Maka before entering the room. He didn't notice the oddly serious look on Black Star's face until the ninja blurted out his thoughts.
"You look like shit."
"Gee thanks," Soul rolled his eyes and glared at his friend.
"No, seriously," Black Star said. "You look like shit. What's eating you?"
"None of your business," Soul snarled.
"Oi! I am the man who will surpass God! Everything is my business!"
"Not this! I will deal with what happened myself and - never mind, forget it."
"Tell meeeeee!"
"What?" Maka had exited her room at last, fully dressed with Tsubaki's help.
"Nothing. Tsubaki brought us food."
"Oh! Thank you Tsubaki-chan!"
"It's no trouble at all."
They ate breakfast in peace. Maka still had some trouble manoeuvring her fork. Black Star nearly took some of her food, because she was eating slowly, but Soul had kicked him under the table and Tsubaki had scolded him.
All too soon, though, Black Star stood up and announced that it was time to go. Tsubaki sent him a puzzled look, and Black Star looked at Soul with a maniacal grin that said 'I'll let it go for now, but next time, I'll beat it out of you.'
Black Star was a master at that look. Everyone who knew him understood the look perfectly. The blue-haired ninja bounded out of the apartment with Tsubaki at his heels.
The moment the door slammed, Maka whirled to him. "What is wrong with you, Soul? You're acting strange." She bit her lip. "Are you mad at me?"
"What? No! I..."
"Then tell me!"
Soul had never felt more lost. The thoughts that had been plaguing him ever since their resonance were building up, threatening to explode out of him all at once. Maka had strode forward, angry, hurt, and concerned, until they were only a couple feet away from each other.
"Soul..."
"I..."
"Is it the scar? Is that what's bothering you?"
Probably. The dreams had started then. But like hell he was going to tell her that. She still couldn't even look at the scar without looking pained, he was not about to tell her that it was making him go insane.
"Soul, please tell me what's wrong! You're worrying me!"
Finally, words burst out of him. "Why the hell are you worrying about ME?!" He practically shouted. He grabbed her shoulders, trying desperately to get across how serious this was, Maka's eyes widened in surprise. "Damn it Maka! It's my fault you're hurt, it's my fault our wavelengths weren't in sync, and goddammit I could have killed you when we resonated last!"
"Wh-what?" Maka stuttered. His outburst had startled her quite a bit.
"You can't have not noticed! Something is wrong with me! You had to have felt it! I was practically going insane and I nearly fucking ate your soul before I snapped out of it!"
He let go of her shoulders. He wanted to hit something. He was angry, frustrated, and scared. He backed away, afraid to meet her eyes suddenly. "You should hate me right now and instead you're worrying about me. What if I lost control again? What if I..." His voice cracked "Through the resonance, I... You were scared... of... of me..."
"Soul..."
"You should find a new partner Maka." There. He'd said it. It was suddenly hard to breath. His chest hurt. He didn't want to stop being Maka's partner.
"Maka Chop!"
A book collided with his skull, making his knees buckle and give out. He didn't bother getting back up. He just looked up at her with a mixture of surprise and confusion. She was furious, and her eyes were watering with pain from hitting him. Somewhere in the dark recesses of his mind, a voice told his dumbstruck self that he ought to scold her for damaging her hands further.
"Do not talk about yourself like that," she snarled. "I don't want a new partner. This is because I let you get hurt. After that battle with the werewolf, I coughed up black blood you know."
Soul's eyes widened.
"The only thing I can come up with is that it was because I let you get hurt that time. So it's really my fault."
"Maka-"
"Be quiet and let me talk!" Maka yelled. "You are not going to blame yourself for what happened and furthermore I don't believe you'll lose control. You're stronger than that."
"But I-"
"What did I just say?! No. We are going to get through this together, Soul."
With that, Maka stomped down the hall towards her room, leaving a stunned Soul in her wake. She reached out to open the door and paused.
"And one more thing, Soul."
He blinked, and she turned and smiled, "I was scared of the feeling, not you. I could never be afraid of my Soul Eater."
***********************
Chapter Three
"If you get lost,
I'll come running, no matter where.
I'll be there for you... Always!
I'll listen to you talk... I won't leave you alone,
Never!"
- LCDD, Tommy Heavenly6
***********************
According to Maka, there was nothing to forgive, but that didn't stop the dreams from coming. That night had dreamed of the black room again.
The demon was there, as always, grinning that crazy, maniacal grin.
"It won't last," the demon announced. Soul scowled at him. "Sooner or later she'll get sick of it. Or you'll kill her. You won't care if you give in. Insanity is wonderful, you know."
It had been. He could deny it all he wanted to the demon, but he couldn't deny it to himself. "Maka thinks I can stop it. She's usually right."
Even if he didn't quite believe her.
"Not about this she isn't," the demon's face darkened. "Just give in. It doesn't hurt. It will make you strong. You won't have to fear death any more."
"You don't seem to know me as well as you think you do," Soul snarled. "I'm willing to die for my Meister."
"Willingness does not make you unafraid."
"It doesn't matter."
"Oh? But what if you hesitate?" The demon grinned again. "What if you're just a second too late to throw your life away for your girl's? Fear can do that too, you know. But if you're stronger, if you don't fear... then you won't hesitate. Your girl won't have to have any more of those nasty stitches."
Soul tensed. His mind went over Maka's injury, for what felt like the hundredth time searching for some way to have stopped her from getting hurt. "Shut up."
"I'm only stating the truth," the demon shrugged.
"You're trying to manipulate me."
"Doesn't make it a lie."
Soul woke up to the sound of his alarm clock. He was, for the first time, incredibly relieved to be woken by it. The demon had talked more than usual, he hadn't been forced out of the room and into the darkness. He hadn't killed Maka in his dreams that night.
They had talked things over, decided to get blood tests, to talk to Doctor Stein. They would take precautions, they would practice resonance when Maka's hands had healed, with teacher supervision.
He was still worried. He was still terrified that even with their precautions he would end up hurting his technician, but she didn't hate him, she was willing to do whatever it took to have him remain her weapon. It was like a burden had been lifted from his shoulders. He could stay with her.
With that optimistic thought in mind, he hurried off to make breakfast.
This time. He didn't burn the eggs.
***********************
When he came back from shopping it was to find Maka fumbling awkwardly with the pages of a book. The bandages on her hands kept sliding instead of gripping the paper, and her face was contorted in a mixture of pain and irritation. She was so immersed and frustrated with her book that she didn't notice Soul until he had stepped over and flipped the page for her.
She made a grumbling sound, "I bet you find this amusing."
"Why would I be amused that you're hurting your hands?" he demanded. "We have a TV. That doesn't require your hands."
"I'm going over the materials for the Ultra Paper Test," Maka replied. "This is our first test with Doctor Stein. I've got to be prepared."
Soul rolled his eyes and moved to put away the food. When he was done, he turned to find Maka already fumbling with another page. "Dammit Maka!" he started swearing creatively as he stalked forward and turned the page for her. "You're going to screw up your hands!"
"I'm just turning pages!"
"Well stop it!"
"How else am I supposed to read?"
"I'll turn the fucking pages for you! It's bad enough you have to use your hands to eat!" Soul wanted to bang his head against the wall. "Do something else until Lunch is ready."
"But I-"
He swiped the book, bookmarked it, and straightened to put it on a shelf out of her reach. Maka was having difficulty getting up without aggravating her injury. "Soul!" she whined. "Give me my book back!"
Soul just walked back to the stove and continued cooking.
"No."
"Soooul."
Soul grimaced. 'Where is that damn cat?' if Blair was there, she could just make the book turn its own pages for Maka. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Maka trying in vain get the book down. He rolled his eyes. Maka was short. Even slouching (as he almost always was) he was still taller than her, and he was still growing. There was no way she could reach it.
'Stubborn idiot.'
Giving up at last, Maka plopped back down on the couch and crossed her arms. "Soul."
"What?"
"I ordered a book from the city library before we went to London."
"So?"
"... If I don't pick it up we'll get a fine."
Soul resisted the urge to bang his head against the nearest object. It was a good thing, too, because the nearest object was the hot frying pan. "Fine. I'll get it after lunch."
"I can get it."
"I'll. Get. It. After. Lunch."
And that was how he ended up in the dusty library Maka frequented. He didn't understand why Maka couldn't just use the school library.
The line to the counter seemed to take forever to get through, but finally he ended up at the counter across from a short, dimpled old lady with a broad smile.
"Uh. I'm here to pick up a book for Maka Albarn?" It came out as more of a question than anything.
"Oh, for Maka-chan?" The woman pulled the book off a nearby shelf and passed it to him. Soul handed her both of their IDs. He didn't get what the big deal was with all the security over books. "Is Maka-chan still not feeling well?"
"Maka was injured in our last assignment," Soul blinked at the woman.
"Oh," the woman shook her head. "I thought perhaps she was sick. She seemed really down last week."
Soul grimaced. That would have been after their special training with Stein. He now felt extremely guilty.
She hadn't been particularly nice to him either, but he had jumped at the chance to tell her all her flaws, a fair number of them false. 'Thick ankles. As if.' he snorted to himself.
He practically stomped his way out of the library.
***********************"So did you get it?"
"Yeah," Soul shoved the book on the top shelf next to the other one, where Maka couldn't get at it until her hands healed. Maka scowled for a few moments, but it didn't last long.
"What's up with you? You look upset."
Soul sighed, "The lady at the library said you were in a really bad mood when you last went there. That was after Doctor Stein's special training."
"Yeah, what about it?"
"Well... er... I'm sorry about the things I said."
"I'm sorry too. I said some mean stuff as well..." Maka trailed off. She fidgeted for a moment, and looked up at him, "Hey. My cooking really isn't bad is it?"
Huh, he didn't even remember saying that. "No, I was just angry. You were acting weird and I didn't know what to do about it."
"Good," Maka smiled. "I wouldn't want to force my cooking on you if it wasn't any good."
Soul mentally debated whether or not it was cool to admit that he liked Maka's cooking far more than his own. He simply settled for paying extra attention while he was cooking that night.
***********************The next morning and afternoon came and went. That night, Soul helped Maka change the bandages on her hands for the last time. Her skin was now almost completely healed, with only a few splotches of raw skin left. Soul found himself pausing, just staring at her palms. It had been him who had burned her in the first place. It wasn't like his failure to protect her that had earned her the stitches. She'd burned her hands holding him.
"Soul?"
"Huh? Oh, sorry," Soul shook his head and applied burn salve to his Meister's hands. He almost found it embarrassing, to be rubbing burn salve into her hands. Most humans would think it the act of a couple. But it was not uncommon for partners to have to patch each other up. He'd just been around normal people too long.
"What are you thinking about?"
Soul refrained from answering for a few seconds, until her questioning eyes finally broke through. He sighed, "I did this."
"Huh?"
"The burns. You burned your hands on me. I've never... actually hurt you before."
"Our wavelengths wouldn't have slipped if I hadn't let you get hurt in Italy in the first place," Maka reminded him. "How many times do I have to tell you that?"
"How many times do I have to tell you it was my choice?" Soul retorted. It dawned on him that they would probably never give up on whose fault it was. He finished applying the last of the salve and then worked to wrap fresh bandages around her hands.
Finally, Maka broke the silence.
"In three days, I'm supposed to go back up to the infirmary to have Professor Stein check on my stitches so he can clear me to go back to school. I was thinking we could get blood tests while we were there. To check on the Black Blood."
Soul took a deep, calming breath. "Okay."
"Do you mind coming back down here to pick me up after school?"
"I'm not going," Soul replied flatly. "It's just three more days."
"You can't be missing this much school."
"I am not going to school while my technician is still injured," Soul replied.
"Soul," Maka said warningly. "My hands will be healed by tomorrow. I'll be okay."
"You've still got those stitches."
"Soul!" Maka groaned. "You've already missed too many days."
"And I'll miss however many more day it takes. I'm not leaving you by yourself."
Perhaps he was imagining it, but though she continued to scold him for not taking his studies seriously, she was a little bit red, and the corners of her mouth kept twitching.
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Maka looked ecstatic when she finally took the bandages off her hands for the last time the next morning. She immediately flexed her fingers, washed the remaining burn salve off her hands, and then curled up on the couch with a book, beaming like a child on their birthday.
Soul privately thought it was kind of cute. At least until he stubbed his toe while staring.
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Chapter Four
"The path is too dark and I can't walk
I can't move, be with me
So don't let me down
I'm here because you're here."
- Swear, Tommy Heavenly6
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"Still feeling guilty, Soul? You can't feel guilty if you give in to the madness."
"It's because I gave in at all that I'm feeling guilty," Soul retorted. "Shouldn't have bothered dealing with a little demon like you." He leaned back against the armchair. "What are you, anyway?"
"You."
"You're not me." Soul snapped. "Like hell."
"Hell is inside your head. Believe what you want," the demon shrugged. "You can't deny the truth forever. And sooner or later you'll realize the power I can give you. Insanity cannot be suppressed."
"I don't believe you."
"You will," The demon chuckled. "Now, isn't it time you left the room?"
"No. I want to stay here," Soul shook his head and sank deeper into the chair, gripping the armrests with all his might.
"Here in the dark?" The demon smirked. "Don't you want to go back to the light? Back to your precious Meister?"
"Not if it means hurting her."
"What makes you think you have a choice?"
He choked on his scream as he woke up, again drenched in sweat. He felt sick. There had been so much blood this time. Her blood. It had felt so real, he could still smell its metallic scent and feel it on his hands.
Gagging, he stumbled out of his room and down the dark hallway to the bathroom. There was just enough moonlight streaming through the bathroom window that he could make out the toilet. He reached it just in time for last night's dinner to come back up. He was vomiting for several more long moments before the light flicked on.
"Soul, are you okay?"
Maka sounded incredibly worried. He wanted to say something to reassure her, but the moment he opened his mouth to do so he had to turn his head back over the toilet. He heard bare feet on the bathroom tiles and then felt his Meister's small, warm hand on his back moving in soothing circular motions. When he'd finally emptied his stomach, Maka handed him a paper towel to wipe his face.
"If you were coming down with something, you should have told me," Maka said in concern. She put one hand on his forehead and the other on her own, and held them both there for a few moments, "You don't seem to have a fever."
"I'm... okay," Soul coughed. His throat hurt and his mouth tasted like vomit. He still couldn't get the smell of blood to go away, even though it had been a dream.
Maka tugged him up gently, "Come on. I'll get you some water."
He felt kind of clammy and shaky, a side effect of throwing up, so he gratefully accepted her help in getting to the couch. In a few moments Maka had the kettle on the stove and a cup of cold water for him. Soul sipped it slowly, letting it wash out the foul taste and sooth his burning throat. When he'd finally downed the glass, he set it back down on the coffee table.
"Well, I guess it was a good thing you weren't going to school today in the first place," Maka said. She still sounded worried. "I'm making you some peppermint tea. It should settle your stomach."
"I'm okay," Soul repeated his earlier words. "You don't have to..."
"You've been taking care of me for the last week. It's only fair I do the same," Maka said stubbornly. "You better not have been hiding the fact that you were sick from me!"
"I wasn't feeling sick until I woke up."
At any rate, he already felt better, because she was here and alive with him, bustling about the kitchen, worrying about him like she always did. A couple minutes later she was putting a cup of tea down in front of him, sugar already mixed in the precise measurements he always drank, and then she sat down next to him, keeping a wary eye on her weapon. He mumbled thanks and sipped the peppermint tea. Almost instantly, his stomach settled considerably, and he began to feel very drowsy, his lack of decent sleep catching up to him. He drank the rest of the tea quickly and yawned.
"Do you want some more?" Maka asked instantly when he put the cup down. She started to get up, but Soul caught the edge of her sleeve, pulling her back down to the couch.
"I'm good," he yawned again. "Thanks, Maka. I feel a lot better."
"Maybe you should go back to sleep," Maka suggested. "You look really pale."
"Mmm," Soul leaned on her shoulder, already starting to doze..
"I meant in your bed," Maka giggled.
"I'm good here," he replied sleepily, eyes slipping shut.
Maka smiled at him fondly before carefully shifting, intending to get him a pillow and some blankets, but he was still gripping her arm.
"Soul?" she wondered if he was actually still awake. If he was, it was barely.
"Dun' go Maka..." he mumbled in his sleep. Maka hesitated for a moment, and then sank back into the cushions, Soul half-curled in her lap.
The rest of his sleep had been mercifully dreamless. When the sun started filtering in through the window and woke him up, he found his head resting against Maka's knee. Soul shot up, blushing furiously. The movement woke Maka, and she stirred, rubbing her eyes sleepily.
"Morning," she mumbled. Soul turned brighter red.
"I... uh... Why were we...?"
"You didn't want me to leave. I guess you don't remember."
Soul looked away, scratching the back of his head nervously. Now that she mentioned it, he vaguely recalled clinging to Maka's arm as he fell asleep. Crap. Uncool.
"Sorry," he muttered. He quickly got off of the couch. Maka got up and stretched with a wince when it tugged on her injury. "Oi."
"I'm fine," Maka waved off his concern. "Do you want some soup?"
His stomach still felt a bit iffy, "I can make it."
"No way! You were throwing up last night. You should go lay down."
"You're still injured."
"I can make a can of soup," Maka rolled her eyes. "Shoo, shoo!" She waved her hands at him. Soul rolled his eyes, but headed back to his bed. There was no stopping her when she was like this.
It was aggravating, but it wouldn't be Maka if she gave in easily.
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Soul wasn't sick.
Not in the way Maka thought. It wasn't some stomach bug or bacteria. The problem was in his blood and it had already spread to his soul. He was messed up.
The logical part of him wanted to tell Maka about the dreams. He knew that she could help him. Maybe not right away, but her support and her presence would ease the agony of his dreams. It wasn't as if he didn't trust her - he trusted her more than anything.
His logic was almost immediately stamped out by his desire not to make her feel more guilty. It was bad enough that she blamed herself for the scar and the black blood.
No, it was better this way.
"Soul. Soup is ready," Maka said softly. She pushed the door open the rest of the way, bearing a tray with a bowl of soup on it.
"You didn't have to do that."
Maka blushed, "Just eat your soup. You should rest today, alright? Is there anything else you need?"
"I'm good. Thanks."
"All right... I'm going to get you a bucket though, just in case," Maka hurried off.
Soul sighed and shut his eyes, "Not cool." He mumbled. "No matter what I do I end up worrying her."
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