NaNoWriMo 1107
How do you even respond to news like this?
I mean really? I don’t have any real tie to this person and yet I was specifically notified of their passing. Sure I knew who they were but they weren’t of a grand importance to my life.
First some explanation. Camp is a whole different world. If any of you have been to a summer camp you know this. That it’s just like the real world is a bizarre dream by the time you’re done.
At my camp we have things called POW, or Pastors of the Week. We have eight weeks of camp and each week we have a pastor volunteer to spend a week with campers and getting involved in the camp lifestyle. Some of these pastors you will remember for the rest of your life. Some you will see that one week and forget them entirely. Some you come to love and respect, others you never learn to agree with. It’s just like any other person.
What happened was I just got a call from a life long friend. His name is Karl and he is the sweetest caring person I have ever had the pleasure to know. He is what Christians are supposed to be and he is one of those true standing grounds people. Someone you can count on for everything. True altruist. I love this kid. He’s the kind of guy you never want to see hurt yet always seems to be holding the world on his shoulders. Someone men should aspire to be.
He called me because I know he feels that sometimes I am out of the loop on things and that I should be in the loop. He calls me to tell me that a pastor from our synod has passed away. Now that statement isn’t all that life changing, but here it is again.
One of the pastors of the week from camp committed suicide.
That one strikes most people as a little different.
Now to me this pastor wasn’t the greatest, wasn’t a life changing person for me, nor do I feel he really stood out to any of the campers. However he was someone’s father, someone’s husband and a whole congregations leader. He meant something to all these other people, but I am mostly numb.
I have to say mostly because Karl definitely cares about the whole thing and it’s hitting him hard. And as stated before, I hate to see bad thing happen to Karl.
I’m also a little perplexed by this all. Pastors are supposed to have the answers for everything. Granted mostly I find that their answer is talk to an invisible being, but still it’s an answer that works for them.
Suicide makes me think that this pastor no longer could find the answers. And then doesn’t that beg the question of how and why he became a pastor in the first place. He supposed to have ultimate faith and be infallible.
I don’t mean to sound like a catholic, believing that the leaders of the church are direct lines to their god, but a pastor of a Lutheran church should be more sound than it seems like he was.
Now granted this is out of the blue. I only knew the guy for a week at a time, and even then barely, but he seemed happy enough. He seemed a little more withdrawn this year than in years before, but pastors do that sometimes, change up their preaching methods.
Also I had the initial thought of “suicide, what a coward.” Which makes me a hypocrite.
I’ve thought about it. I have, if you’ve read you know. Seriously considered it. It’s funny though because those times where I really felt the need to, I called myself a coward for not doing it. I don’t really know how to feel about suicides. I suppose they are on a case by case basis.
Or you know if I ever get up the nerve I’ll be the only one who was entitled to do it and go out like a prick.
This is not to say that all those who self abuse or think about suicide are pussies or cowards. Again if you’ve been reading I know the compulsion. I know what it feels like. I’ve been there, it’s not somewhere I like being but it happens. Just know that.
But all in all I don’t know how to react. I mean I literally sat on the phone in silence with this kid, but sometimes I think that’s what people need ya know? To be able to call someone and just have them on the other end, knowing they’re there. And I hoped it helped.
I really like the catch phrase a lot of my friends from camp have been using lately. I’m not sure where it came from or what meaning it really has for them but it rings true every time I see it written.
“Love is louder.”
I always want to add “It always has been and it always will be.” But you know you shouldn’t mess with a good thing. It however is so true. Love is louder, it shouts from the roof tops, it’s the first emotion we want in a day and the last before we go to sleep. Love is a safety net and a warm blanket. We want to be surrounded by it all day and all night. We want to know when we wake up that someone cares, that someone is looking out for us, that someone will be worried if we aren’t at home when we say we will be.
Love is louder than anything else we hear or see or smell or taste or touch. Love will forever be the driving force of people.
And it may have taken me 22 years to really admit it, but love is something that, yes I’m still learning the meaning of, but it has to exist. Because if it doesn’t, that we are just all bags of carbon (and some other things for you ravenclaws out there who want to correct me.) And I’m not sure I’m willing to believe that anymore.
[edit]
Well I’m a terrible person. The whole time while writing this, I was thinking about the wrong POW. I was Thinking about pastor Sheaffer who was a so-so pastor.
Norgard however, I actually liked. He did well with the kids, had a family he loved and really made an effort to get to know the staff. I’m mad at myself for this mistake and am now a little more upset by this news. Yeesh
I mean really? I don’t have any real tie to this person and yet I was specifically notified of their passing. Sure I knew who they were but they weren’t of a grand importance to my life.
First some explanation. Camp is a whole different world. If any of you have been to a summer camp you know this. That it’s just like the real world is a bizarre dream by the time you’re done.
At my camp we have things called POW, or Pastors of the Week. We have eight weeks of camp and each week we have a pastor volunteer to spend a week with campers and getting involved in the camp lifestyle. Some of these pastors you will remember for the rest of your life. Some you will see that one week and forget them entirely. Some you come to love and respect, others you never learn to agree with. It’s just like any other person.
What happened was I just got a call from a life long friend. His name is Karl and he is the sweetest caring person I have ever had the pleasure to know. He is what Christians are supposed to be and he is one of those true standing grounds people. Someone you can count on for everything. True altruist. I love this kid. He’s the kind of guy you never want to see hurt yet always seems to be holding the world on his shoulders. Someone men should aspire to be.
He called me because I know he feels that sometimes I am out of the loop on things and that I should be in the loop. He calls me to tell me that a pastor from our synod has passed away. Now that statement isn’t all that life changing, but here it is again.
One of the pastors of the week from camp committed suicide.
That one strikes most people as a little different.
Now to me this pastor wasn’t the greatest, wasn’t a life changing person for me, nor do I feel he really stood out to any of the campers. However he was someone’s father, someone’s husband and a whole congregations leader. He meant something to all these other people, but I am mostly numb.
I have to say mostly because Karl definitely cares about the whole thing and it’s hitting him hard. And as stated before, I hate to see bad thing happen to Karl.
I’m also a little perplexed by this all. Pastors are supposed to have the answers for everything. Granted mostly I find that their answer is talk to an invisible being, but still it’s an answer that works for them.
Suicide makes me think that this pastor no longer could find the answers. And then doesn’t that beg the question of how and why he became a pastor in the first place. He supposed to have ultimate faith and be infallible.
I don’t mean to sound like a catholic, believing that the leaders of the church are direct lines to their god, but a pastor of a Lutheran church should be more sound than it seems like he was.
Now granted this is out of the blue. I only knew the guy for a week at a time, and even then barely, but he seemed happy enough. He seemed a little more withdrawn this year than in years before, but pastors do that sometimes, change up their preaching methods.
Also I had the initial thought of “suicide, what a coward.” Which makes me a hypocrite.
I’ve thought about it. I have, if you’ve read you know. Seriously considered it. It’s funny though because those times where I really felt the need to, I called myself a coward for not doing it. I don’t really know how to feel about suicides. I suppose they are on a case by case basis.
Or you know if I ever get up the nerve I’ll be the only one who was entitled to do it and go out like a prick.
This is not to say that all those who self abuse or think about suicide are pussies or cowards. Again if you’ve been reading I know the compulsion. I know what it feels like. I’ve been there, it’s not somewhere I like being but it happens. Just know that.
But all in all I don’t know how to react. I mean I literally sat on the phone in silence with this kid, but sometimes I think that’s what people need ya know? To be able to call someone and just have them on the other end, knowing they’re there. And I hoped it helped.
I really like the catch phrase a lot of my friends from camp have been using lately. I’m not sure where it came from or what meaning it really has for them but it rings true every time I see it written.
“Love is louder.”
I always want to add “It always has been and it always will be.” But you know you shouldn’t mess with a good thing. It however is so true. Love is louder, it shouts from the roof tops, it’s the first emotion we want in a day and the last before we go to sleep. Love is a safety net and a warm blanket. We want to be surrounded by it all day and all night. We want to know when we wake up that someone cares, that someone is looking out for us, that someone will be worried if we aren’t at home when we say we will be.
Love is louder than anything else we hear or see or smell or taste or touch. Love will forever be the driving force of people.
And it may have taken me 22 years to really admit it, but love is something that, yes I’m still learning the meaning of, but it has to exist. Because if it doesn’t, that we are just all bags of carbon (and some other things for you ravenclaws out there who want to correct me.) And I’m not sure I’m willing to believe that anymore.
[edit]
Well I’m a terrible person. The whole time while writing this, I was thinking about the wrong POW. I was Thinking about pastor Sheaffer who was a so-so pastor.
Norgard however, I actually liked. He did well with the kids, had a family he loved and really made an effort to get to know the staff. I’m mad at myself for this mistake and am now a little more upset by this news. Yeesh