Fic:Parry Hotter and the Pureblood Prince [1-?]
Title: Parry Hotter and the Pureblood Prince [1-?]
Author: Witblogi
Pairings: P/M, W/G,
Rating: PG 13
Words: 1326
Warnings: fluff, crack, driving without a helmet, use of bad puns, wedgies, and ultimate mary-sues
Summary: first installment of the Warthogs universe. It's the first day of the last year at Warthogs for Parry Hotter.
Parry Hotter and the Pureblood Prince [1-?]
Parry Hotter swung his leg off of his godfather’s borrowed without permission flying motorcycle. He flipped his long luscious, choppily layered, fall in your face, shiny, raven coloured, green streaked (to match his sparkling emerald eyes) hair out of his face. He didn’t wear a helmet; why cover your head when you have hair like that?
It was the first day of school of his last year at Warthog’s Academy. He’d driven there instead of flying; it’s way more hardcore to show up four hours late. Straightening his butter soft leather jacket and pulling, in a somehow ridiculously attractive way, at a wedgie in his skintight jeans, he headed for the castle.
Entering the hall, he was immediately greeted by Jeeves the poltergeist turned butler. Parry shrugged out of his coat and dropped it though Jeeves’ extended arms. Turning towards the Great Hall with catwalk like precision, he blew open the doors with his amazing newly refined non verbal powers. Striking a pose in the entryway, applause greeted him and he nodded in satisfaction before strutting off to the Qanonreip table.
PHPHPHPH
Across the hall, Maco Dralfoy frowned and turned see why everyone was no longer staring at his incredible veela-angel-beauty. Blinking he watched Hotter cross the hall, of course it was Hotter, he was the only other boy in the school to rival Maco’s looks.
Maco casually tossed his equally long and shiny hair, but his was a silvery-blonde-white that Hotter was sure to spot glimmering across the hall. Tugging on his rainbow and sliver scarf, Maco thought of the years of sexual tension that existed between himself and Hotter. His overbearing, bastard, pureblood nazi, of a father Mucius Lalfoy would never approve of their relationship. But Maco had a sensitive side, and even bigger soft spot for his opposite, his bane, his Parry.
“ Parry’s looking at you Maco,” Parsy Pankinson leaned over poking him in the side, as physically abusing her friends was the only way she knew how to really show the deep affection she had for them.
“ Oh, he is not, he’s looking at me,” on the other side Germione Hranger (G-star to most), swiveled towards them. Maco frowned. G-star was one of those unreliable summer transformation girls. To think some people had notions of them being together made him sick, he was not one for incredibly intelligent, made over, beautiful, toned, chocolate hair and eyed teenage goddesses. Besides…she had boobies yuck! Maco cringed as G-star leaned over to wave at Parry and blow him a kiss.
“ I can be paired with everyone!” G-star giggled as every boy, ( and some girls) waved back. Pushing forward to get a better look came Won Reasley.
“ Looking good G-star,” he winked tossing his wavy, rusty, auburn, ginger hair out of his eyes. Won was the notoriously stupid but beefcakey jock of the school, and Hotter’s BFF.
“ Won-Won, you flatter me! Do it some more,” G-star giggled openly commanding him what to do and yet seeming like she was coy. Won was a bit to thick to understand her subtleties and just let his gaze slip to her chest. Maco dropped his head into his hands, this was going to be the stupidest year in Warthogs yet.
A sudden wail startled the small crowd gathered around G-star.
“ Why? WHY CRUEL WORLD?” Winny, Won’s Bitchiwitch of a sister appeared in robes of black and blue. Trailing behind her was clinically insane Lona Luvegood. Maco bit his lip, no one would find out they were distantly related this year right? Winny’s wails went on.
“ My own brother, a fashion pig! Womanizer, practitioner of organized sport, meat eater!” Winny’s arms swayed as she preached her regular granola-feminist mumbo jumbo. Maco picked up a spoon and soon was examining his reflection in the back of it. Looking at himself was most definitely a better use of his time than this.
“ What’s going on over here?” Maco’s heart started beating out a jaunty tune in his chest, it was odd because he couldn’t recall this one, was it that new one from Avril…? Hey Hey You You…
“ Parry!” Winny practically swooned, but instead started jumping and clapping and no doubt peeing her pants, just a little. Hotter was standing before them, the crowd making a perfect circle two feet away from him as not to get in his bubble and mess with his chi that he spent two years in Cambodia riding donkeys and carrying water up a mountain to perfect.
“ Yes, that’s my name, don’t wear it out,” a low wave of appreciative giggles broke out across the hall only ceasing when parry held up his hand. “ Now, Winny, what’s wrong?” Parry turned to the young girl ignoring her gasping and squealing to her friends that he was talking to her.
“ Well, yes Parry, sir, um, ohgodyouresofoxy, Won is being an ass again!” she pointed out her brother who was currently still entranced by G-star’s womanly figure (also one of her new and improved features).
“ Won…Won come on you’ll have time to ogle G-star later, we’ve got some first years to impress so they can eat all their vegetables and grow up strong and hot like us,” Parry ignored Winny’s protests and pulled at Won’s arm. It was really no use, G-star his wriggled in just the right way and Won was soon taking a seat across from her.
“ A Qanonreip at our table?” Parsy frowned tossing her own luscious blonde, dark brunette, long short, straight, curly hair over her shoulder. Maco blinked at her, he could never quite decide what her hair looked like, it was like no one had ever described it…
“ Won…Alright, we’ll just have to sit here and impress upon the first years from afar,” Parry frowned in a becoming and distinguished manner before taking the seat opposite Maco.
That tune in his heart, was now most definitely audible to those near by, Maco wondered if they thought the song was as annoying after the hundredth time as he did.
“ Does anyone else hear that…I want to be you girlfriend…song?” Parry looked around but his usual dozen or so eavesdroppers had gone mute. Maco felt this was his time his moment to shine, now all he had to do was reach into his feminine side and call on his veela ancestry to lure his chosen mate-
Wait…chosen mate? Parry was his veela mate? Since when? Was that even possible if Parry wasn’t part veela? The details were fuzzy and yet Maco didn’t feel a need to investigate, instead he felt a need to finish his dinner, have some treacle tart…no he really shouldn’t, he was watching his weight after all, nobody likes a fat veela, but he did really want some, and Quidditch helped sculpt his lean, sinewy body; so yes have some tart and then engage Parry in pleasant small talk before inviting him to accompany Maco to one of the fourteen rooms of requirement to get that pesky sexual frustration out of the way-
Parry was gone. Everyone was gone. Maco had missed the end of the feast! Standing up and feeling rather dazed and foolish, (hungry too, he never got his dessert) he headed off to the Sparklypoo dorms for bed. Passing a large conveniently placed mirror he noticed something pinned to his scarf. Unsnagging the parchment he read the short note.
You know you talk out loud?
I saved you some treacle, and no pleasant small talk is required, you can have the tart (any pun you like intended) if you meet me in the room of requirement.
-F ( PH get it?)
Maco did get it. And he also intended to get a few more things that night, including a piece of ass tart. Damnit Parry is so much better at puns...
[2]
Author: Witblogi
Pairings: P/M, W/G,
Rating: PG 13
Words: 1326
Warnings: fluff, crack, driving without a helmet, use of bad puns, wedgies, and ultimate mary-sues
Summary: first installment of the Warthogs universe. It's the first day of the last year at Warthogs for Parry Hotter.
Parry Hotter and the Pureblood Prince [1-?]
Parry Hotter swung his leg off of his godfather’s borrowed without permission flying motorcycle. He flipped his long luscious, choppily layered, fall in your face, shiny, raven coloured, green streaked (to match his sparkling emerald eyes) hair out of his face. He didn’t wear a helmet; why cover your head when you have hair like that?
It was the first day of school of his last year at Warthog’s Academy. He’d driven there instead of flying; it’s way more hardcore to show up four hours late. Straightening his butter soft leather jacket and pulling, in a somehow ridiculously attractive way, at a wedgie in his skintight jeans, he headed for the castle.
Entering the hall, he was immediately greeted by Jeeves the poltergeist turned butler. Parry shrugged out of his coat and dropped it though Jeeves’ extended arms. Turning towards the Great Hall with catwalk like precision, he blew open the doors with his amazing newly refined non verbal powers. Striking a pose in the entryway, applause greeted him and he nodded in satisfaction before strutting off to the Qanonreip table.
PHPHPHPH
Across the hall, Maco Dralfoy frowned and turned see why everyone was no longer staring at his incredible veela-angel-beauty. Blinking he watched Hotter cross the hall, of course it was Hotter, he was the only other boy in the school to rival Maco’s looks.
Maco casually tossed his equally long and shiny hair, but his was a silvery-blonde-white that Hotter was sure to spot glimmering across the hall. Tugging on his rainbow and sliver scarf, Maco thought of the years of sexual tension that existed between himself and Hotter. His overbearing, bastard, pureblood nazi, of a father Mucius Lalfoy would never approve of their relationship. But Maco had a sensitive side, and even bigger soft spot for his opposite, his bane, his Parry.
“ Parry’s looking at you Maco,” Parsy Pankinson leaned over poking him in the side, as physically abusing her friends was the only way she knew how to really show the deep affection she had for them.
“ Oh, he is not, he’s looking at me,” on the other side Germione Hranger (G-star to most), swiveled towards them. Maco frowned. G-star was one of those unreliable summer transformation girls. To think some people had notions of them being together made him sick, he was not one for incredibly intelligent, made over, beautiful, toned, chocolate hair and eyed teenage goddesses. Besides…she had boobies yuck! Maco cringed as G-star leaned over to wave at Parry and blow him a kiss.
“ I can be paired with everyone!” G-star giggled as every boy, ( and some girls) waved back. Pushing forward to get a better look came Won Reasley.
“ Looking good G-star,” he winked tossing his wavy, rusty, auburn, ginger hair out of his eyes. Won was the notoriously stupid but beefcakey jock of the school, and Hotter’s BFF.
“ Won-Won, you flatter me! Do it some more,” G-star giggled openly commanding him what to do and yet seeming like she was coy. Won was a bit to thick to understand her subtleties and just let his gaze slip to her chest. Maco dropped his head into his hands, this was going to be the stupidest year in Warthogs yet.
A sudden wail startled the small crowd gathered around G-star.
“ Why? WHY CRUEL WORLD?” Winny, Won’s Bitchiwitch of a sister appeared in robes of black and blue. Trailing behind her was clinically insane Lona Luvegood. Maco bit his lip, no one would find out they were distantly related this year right? Winny’s wails went on.
“ My own brother, a fashion pig! Womanizer, practitioner of organized sport, meat eater!” Winny’s arms swayed as she preached her regular granola-feminist mumbo jumbo. Maco picked up a spoon and soon was examining his reflection in the back of it. Looking at himself was most definitely a better use of his time than this.
“ What’s going on over here?” Maco’s heart started beating out a jaunty tune in his chest, it was odd because he couldn’t recall this one, was it that new one from Avril…? Hey Hey You You…
“ Parry!” Winny practically swooned, but instead started jumping and clapping and no doubt peeing her pants, just a little. Hotter was standing before them, the crowd making a perfect circle two feet away from him as not to get in his bubble and mess with his chi that he spent two years in Cambodia riding donkeys and carrying water up a mountain to perfect.
“ Yes, that’s my name, don’t wear it out,” a low wave of appreciative giggles broke out across the hall only ceasing when parry held up his hand. “ Now, Winny, what’s wrong?” Parry turned to the young girl ignoring her gasping and squealing to her friends that he was talking to her.
“ Well, yes Parry, sir, um, ohgodyouresofoxy, Won is being an ass again!” she pointed out her brother who was currently still entranced by G-star’s womanly figure (also one of her new and improved features).
“ Won…Won come on you’ll have time to ogle G-star later, we’ve got some first years to impress so they can eat all their vegetables and grow up strong and hot like us,” Parry ignored Winny’s protests and pulled at Won’s arm. It was really no use, G-star his wriggled in just the right way and Won was soon taking a seat across from her.
“ A Qanonreip at our table?” Parsy frowned tossing her own luscious blonde, dark brunette, long short, straight, curly hair over her shoulder. Maco blinked at her, he could never quite decide what her hair looked like, it was like no one had ever described it…
“ Won…Alright, we’ll just have to sit here and impress upon the first years from afar,” Parry frowned in a becoming and distinguished manner before taking the seat opposite Maco.
That tune in his heart, was now most definitely audible to those near by, Maco wondered if they thought the song was as annoying after the hundredth time as he did.
“ Does anyone else hear that…I want to be you girlfriend…song?” Parry looked around but his usual dozen or so eavesdroppers had gone mute. Maco felt this was his time his moment to shine, now all he had to do was reach into his feminine side and call on his veela ancestry to lure his chosen mate-
Wait…chosen mate? Parry was his veela mate? Since when? Was that even possible if Parry wasn’t part veela? The details were fuzzy and yet Maco didn’t feel a need to investigate, instead he felt a need to finish his dinner, have some treacle tart…no he really shouldn’t, he was watching his weight after all, nobody likes a fat veela, but he did really want some, and Quidditch helped sculpt his lean, sinewy body; so yes have some tart and then engage Parry in pleasant small talk before inviting him to accompany Maco to one of the fourteen rooms of requirement to get that pesky sexual frustration out of the way-
Parry was gone. Everyone was gone. Maco had missed the end of the feast! Standing up and feeling rather dazed and foolish, (hungry too, he never got his dessert) he headed off to the Sparklypoo dorms for bed. Passing a large conveniently placed mirror he noticed something pinned to his scarf. Unsnagging the parchment he read the short note.
You know you talk out loud?
I saved you some treacle, and no pleasant small talk is required, you can have the tart (any pun you like intended) if you meet me in the room of requirement.
-F ( PH get it?)
Maco did get it. And he also intended to get a few more things that night, including a piece of ass tart. Damnit Parry is so much better at puns...
[2]