New Fic: Cowardly Acts (4/4)

[wistful_fever]

Cowardly Acts, by Fabella (wistful_fever)
The O.C., Seth/Ryan, NC-17.
Slash, Long, Future Fic.

Summary
Seth Cohen: twenty years old, unspecified major, neurotic mess.

Disclaimer
Not mine, no money, don’t sue, yadda, yadda, you know the drill.

NotesThis is set while Ryan and Seth are attending an unspecified college together, and likely to be made AU in the

Comments

[aflowerinrain]

Okay. So this is quite possibly WAY TMI, but Seth's first blow job reminded me a lot of the first time I ever gave a blow job. Without the cock punching and all. That's actually a good thing, because it's incredibly realistic. A lot of people (including me) have trouble writing emotion other than omgiwantyounow into sex, but you did it amazingly.

The Summer phone call actually made me cry. Because on the show, they're the only thing that actually works beautifully sans drama, and I love that though she tries to hide it her heart is really right there on her sleeve for him. It's good that she is the first person he flat out says "I'm gay" to. I'm not gay, but I imagine that is really hard to say for the first (and second, and third...) time, and it makes me happy that it's Summer because she really does deserve that absolute honesty.

Ummm... what else... having Seth drive through Newport was absolutely a great decision. There is nothing to rip you back to reality like seeing the places that meant the most to you as a kid, and realizing their consequences in your life. It's the reason that throughout our lives, the place we went to high school always feels like home and always hurts and soothes in its own way. Also, Ryan kind of freaking out about Seth not being back - you didn't even need to write it, but I still saw Ryan coming back to the apartment and putting his keys down before sitting on the couch quietly and stiffly. Just waiting, staring at the door knob and wishing it would turn. Then eating a pudding and worrying the spoon between his lips pilot-style before finally falling into that awful kind of sleep where, even though you're asleep, you're still worrying.

He’d made Ryan happy, and abruptly, like a wave tumbling over itself, or two sides of a hemp necklace being linked together, he realized why he was willing to change his whole world. The hemp necklace was one of the coolest parts of this. I can just see Seth buying it, and Ryan loving it. He doesn't take it off, even when Seth hurts him, even though he has to see it every day and feel it around his neck. A lot like love. Also, Ryan would look hot in a hemp necklace.

There were two great pieces of dialogue:
“Because I stare at you,” Ryan said sharply. The streaks Seth had noticed under his eyes while he was sleeping were more apparent in the stove light. “I’ve always stared at you. And you’ve never been staring back.” I am trying to find words for why this line just worked so incredibly, but I can't. I guess I can really see it happening. When Ryan says that he has always stared at Seth it works well with canon Ryan because he's so observant I can just see him wanting to absorb every second of Seth, and also mentally daring Seth to stare back.

I also loved the “You don’t have to do this" line. In Part 3A, Ryan was really aggressive, with his James Dean thing going on and his grab-and-kiss method. That was very reminiscent of the driveway scene with Marissa, because it was a forwardness that was almost too blatant, a front that Ryan is putting on to protect himself, kind of. Then, later, he turns into Real Ryan, with all these insecurities and that careful, careful, careful thing he always has. It's like he has a do-the-right-thing mantra in his head at all times.

I love the way they talked to one another in this. Ryan's almost desperate honesty (“Just touch me. You didn't last time.") makes me shiver. Seth responds to this with sarcasm and the patented Seth Cohen Funny - like the "oh, I stare at your ass" comment - but you just KNOW as a reader that he's hearing what Ryan's trying to say, loud and clear.

Also, you are awesome, and even though I have pimped it about a zillion times I am about to go pimp this again. Seriously, I LOVE your writing and I am about to be really lame, but the fact that you read and enjoy my shit makes me feel SO honored and like I'm a really good writer. So, not to toot my own horn, but that's kind of awesome.

Uh, wow... I've never exceeded the limit for a comment before. I totally just had to go back and edit to shrink this. Clearly I'm obsessed with you.

[wistful_fever]

You know, you've just really made this story a wonderful experience for me. Every step of the way, when I posted this story, you were the first person I thought of when I hoped for responses, wondering what you would think of it. I just wanted you to know how terrific hearing from you about this has been. The story had been written, but hearing what you had to say made me want to write it *better*, and I think the ending is much better now, as it is, than what I first had it written as. And that's because you made me take a second look, think a little deeper about my own motivations. So thank you.

[aflowerinrain]

You are welcome! Thank YOU for writing it.