"Crouton" fic, and a wacky poll!
My obsession with the BSG season three preview will wane. Eventually. Until then, I shall continue to squee at random times, because omigodsoawesome!
In honor of the preview, I have written a slightly-cracktastic ficlet. Spoilers only for the promo, and please, no spoilers in the comments. Thanks!
The Crouton
by wisteria
+++++
My name is Baby. That's what my parents call me.
Mommy used to be a viper pilot. Daddy is a prophet. She calls him a sociopathic robot. He calls her a bitch. They fight a lot.
Today they had a fight about my name. Daddy wanted to name me "River", because he likes water. But Mommy laughed at him and said I should be named "Crouton", because I'm a tiny toast. I don't think they were very nice names.
When they're sleeping in the bed, Mommy and Daddy roll around and make a lot of noise. He doesn't like when she calls him "Lee". She says it's a nickname. Then they hit each other and roll around some more. They think I'm asleep.
Sometimes they forget to feed me, so I have to crawl over to the cabinets and open them. There's one green bottle that looks like juice. It makes me feel like I'm buzzing like a machine. Mommy likes the green juice, too, but she says it's only for grown-ups.
Yesterday, Daddy taught me how to get in touch with the streams of spiritual knowledge in the universe. He stuck a wire into my arm. Mommy saw it and got very mad.
I'm only six months old, but I look like I'm old enough for preschool. Mommy says that makes me an adorable little half-toaster mutant, but Daddy just cuddles me and calls me his "little sweetheart". What's a mutant? Sometimes Mommy cuddles me too, but only when Daddy's not around. She says she doesn't know how her DNA produced such a cute baby, and she promises that she'll never be mean to me. I kissed her cheek once, and she started crying. Then Daddy came home, so she locked herself in the bathroom. It made me cry too. Daddy just hugged me and said she was a foolish human who could not see the real patterns. I didn't understand that, so I played with the toy gun he brought me.
I don't understand why Mommy says that I'm "adorable but totally doomed". My life is very happy. I like rivers and green juice and Daddy's pretty blond friend and listening to Mommy say bad words.
But I still don't know what a toaster is.
+++++
And, of course, I couldn't resist the poll feature.
Poll The BSG Season 3 Preview Wacky Poll!
In honor of the preview, I have written a slightly-cracktastic ficlet. Spoilers only for the promo, and please, no spoilers in the comments. Thanks!
The Crouton
by wisteria
+++++
My name is Baby. That's what my parents call me.
Mommy used to be a viper pilot. Daddy is a prophet. She calls him a sociopathic robot. He calls her a bitch. They fight a lot.
Today they had a fight about my name. Daddy wanted to name me "River", because he likes water. But Mommy laughed at him and said I should be named "Crouton", because I'm a tiny toast. I don't think they were very nice names.
When they're sleeping in the bed, Mommy and Daddy roll around and make a lot of noise. He doesn't like when she calls him "Lee". She says it's a nickname. Then they hit each other and roll around some more. They think I'm asleep.
Sometimes they forget to feed me, so I have to crawl over to the cabinets and open them. There's one green bottle that looks like juice. It makes me feel like I'm buzzing like a machine. Mommy likes the green juice, too, but she says it's only for grown-ups.
Yesterday, Daddy taught me how to get in touch with the streams of spiritual knowledge in the universe. He stuck a wire into my arm. Mommy saw it and got very mad.
I'm only six months old, but I look like I'm old enough for preschool. Mommy says that makes me an adorable little half-toaster mutant, but Daddy just cuddles me and calls me his "little sweetheart". What's a mutant? Sometimes Mommy cuddles me too, but only when Daddy's not around. She says she doesn't know how her DNA produced such a cute baby, and she promises that she'll never be mean to me. I kissed her cheek once, and she started crying. Then Daddy came home, so she locked herself in the bathroom. It made me cry too. Daddy just hugged me and said she was a foolish human who could not see the real patterns. I didn't understand that, so I played with the toy gun he brought me.
I don't understand why Mommy says that I'm "adorable but totally doomed". My life is very happy. I like rivers and green juice and Daddy's pretty blond friend and listening to Mommy say bad words.
But I still don't know what a toaster is.
+++++
And, of course, I couldn't resist the poll feature.
Poll The BSG Season 3 Preview Wacky Poll!