(no subject)
We’ll be married 33 years this August.
Kinda makes me bummed when I see the direction things are heading.
Roommates.
It’s been like this for a fat minute. (Years.) It’s rare that he’s interested in sex. I thought it was the weight…no…I think it’s not my weight now…it’s his. He has ED and refuses to get help for it. I remember feeling so rejected years ago…we had such a close relationship and that was part of it. Now…he falls asleep in front of the tv and I just head up alone. It used to bother me. Now I’m just bummed it doesn’t.
It’s a joke. All those years where he was annoying in his need for it…and I was over touched by the kids where I just wanted a break so we scheduled it so at least I could get in the mood, mentally detach from mom duties and enjoy it. Now…nothing.
We’re going to need to figure a way back to relating to each other again. Because I can only sit on the couch watching WW2 war docs for so long. It’s been a standing joke of “Who won the war this time?” I’m over it. That and I know I’ve stepped away from the conservative line years ago and he just keeps on truckin. I am, but not in the same way….and not totally liberal either. More moderate. I don’t feel I belong in either camp. Anyways…I hate politics…and he loves it. Loves debate and I want to crawl out of my skin to tolerate the conversation for 5 minutes. I just can’t be assed.
Do I still want to be married to him…yes! I want to like him, not be annoyed, and appreciate him, and find some common ground. It’s just hard. I don’t even think I have the words.
The hugs are good. Heh. I‘ll take it. Sigh…