ponderin things
It's a lovely autumn day in Oregon...yet, when I am in this mood, I hole up and do things inside....when I know getting outside would solve some of the problems.
Our house has been in a state of flux. Went through a long drawn out process to find my mom a good memory care place and tried to get the financial piece in order. We had guardianship papers and power of attourny papers drawn up years ago. Figured that would be sufficient. No...apparently, the wording was somehow fucked up and now I am not able to move some of mom's assets into a trust. Long story short, she's on the 'spend down' to medicaid and I've given up on the idea they had planned to have college money for the kids. It's like what I found out with my grandparents estate.....wording matters. Because of the way it was written, he was able to change the living trust *after* my grandma died. Cut out all her kids and grandkids and gave it to his one living daughter and grandson (even though he was on disability and she worked their whole marriage AND brought property into the marriage. I've let it go, but every once in a while I get that bitter pit feeling and I have to go release it again. It's a process. Today, it has been grinding at me.
So, with this, I am more resigned. I'm tired. Our family life was suffering and it was well past time to move her. Now that she's moved, my one regret is that I didn't do it sooner. The house feels lighter and strange. There's this openness....I hesitate to fill it with something/someone else. I just want it to *be*. I don't know what I would think if I were reading me.....but I admit I'm a burned out caregiver. Going to visit her is now a pleasure. I actually enjoy being there....even though she has little to say.
So much for the money....sanity is worth far more....not the daily tension. If my house burned to the ground tomorrow, (assuming my people were safe) I'd miss the pictures....the rest? It could burn.
We couldn't get the recliners and the bed to the dump fast enough. James hauled it all two days later. I still may tear up the carpet in her room even if we don't have the funds to replace it now. I'll likely paint as soon as I get the energy to do so.
It has been so long since I've written. I just went back to see what my last two posts were about.....
So much to update.....
Trying to find "my" home here. I don't know how to explain it.
Our house has been in a state of flux. Went through a long drawn out process to find my mom a good memory care place and tried to get the financial piece in order. We had guardianship papers and power of attourny papers drawn up years ago. Figured that would be sufficient. No...apparently, the wording was somehow fucked up and now I am not able to move some of mom's assets into a trust. Long story short, she's on the 'spend down' to medicaid and I've given up on the idea they had planned to have college money for the kids. It's like what I found out with my grandparents estate.....wording matters. Because of the way it was written, he was able to change the living trust *after* my grandma died. Cut out all her kids and grandkids and gave it to his one living daughter and grandson (even though he was on disability and she worked their whole marriage AND brought property into the marriage. I've let it go, but every once in a while I get that bitter pit feeling and I have to go release it again. It's a process. Today, it has been grinding at me.
So, with this, I am more resigned. I'm tired. Our family life was suffering and it was well past time to move her. Now that she's moved, my one regret is that I didn't do it sooner. The house feels lighter and strange. There's this openness....I hesitate to fill it with something/someone else. I just want it to *be*. I don't know what I would think if I were reading me.....but I admit I'm a burned out caregiver. Going to visit her is now a pleasure. I actually enjoy being there....even though she has little to say.
So much for the money....sanity is worth far more....not the daily tension. If my house burned to the ground tomorrow, (assuming my people were safe) I'd miss the pictures....the rest? It could burn.
We couldn't get the recliners and the bed to the dump fast enough. James hauled it all two days later. I still may tear up the carpet in her room even if we don't have the funds to replace it now. I'll likely paint as soon as I get the energy to do so.
It has been so long since I've written. I just went back to see what my last two posts were about.....
So much to update.....
Trying to find "my" home here. I don't know how to explain it.