complaints
I hate feeling depressed like this. It fogs over all the optimsim. I turned off my music so that I can think clearly, but still it's very hard to see the light these days.
I royally screwed up this semester. I'll probably be on academic suspension soon. Then I thought, well that sucks but now I have an even better excuse to join something like the peace corps now instead of after I pretend to know where I'm going in life. Volunteering overseas is the only place I've been hurting for lately. Some could say I'm just trying to run away, but from what? What is here? I have no close friends anymore. I have pretty extreme trust issues from past unsolved events and proabably wont have a close friend, at least in lakeland, for some time. The people I see the most often have their own lives far apart from mine. My job here isnt exactly exciting, and school is non-existant for the upcomming semester.
But there's even more bad news. It's very unlikely for me to be able to join an organization that provides the living costs when i am going to a community college unless the trip is government ran (ick) like the peace corps, but even then the chance is slim. All other organizations are forbidden by law to provide room and board for nothing. I could always campaign myself for donations, but thats alot of money and I am no doctor phil. Besides if it all falls through, I'd have to work hard to figure out who gave me what to avoid lawsuits.
All I can do right now is build up experience. Starting with my trip to New Orleans. My parents said they'll probably help me out in financing that trip. I still dont think they understand how passionate I am about all this. They probably dont even remember me mentioning anything and brush it off as some random lost thought that I relayed to them.
Anyways. getting away is the best thing for my future right now. There is no way that I can come up with my next step in life by doing the same things that I've been doing for years.
I royally screwed up this semester. I'll probably be on academic suspension soon. Then I thought, well that sucks but now I have an even better excuse to join something like the peace corps now instead of after I pretend to know where I'm going in life. Volunteering overseas is the only place I've been hurting for lately. Some could say I'm just trying to run away, but from what? What is here? I have no close friends anymore. I have pretty extreme trust issues from past unsolved events and proabably wont have a close friend, at least in lakeland, for some time. The people I see the most often have their own lives far apart from mine. My job here isnt exactly exciting, and school is non-existant for the upcomming semester.
But there's even more bad news. It's very unlikely for me to be able to join an organization that provides the living costs when i am going to a community college unless the trip is government ran (ick) like the peace corps, but even then the chance is slim. All other organizations are forbidden by law to provide room and board for nothing. I could always campaign myself for donations, but thats alot of money and I am no doctor phil. Besides if it all falls through, I'd have to work hard to figure out who gave me what to avoid lawsuits.
All I can do right now is build up experience. Starting with my trip to New Orleans. My parents said they'll probably help me out in financing that trip. I still dont think they understand how passionate I am about all this. They probably dont even remember me mentioning anything and brush it off as some random lost thought that I relayed to them.
Anyways. getting away is the best thing for my future right now. There is no way that I can come up with my next step in life by doing the same things that I've been doing for years.