Toys for the new depression
Zombie Barbie
Collector's Edition chants 'Brains is haaard!' in a sluggish monotone. With coordinated ostrich skin purse and pustulent grey flesh.
Two Pens
Hey boys! You're an orphan playing in the gutters until you find a working ball point pen! Sell the pen and use the profits to invest in oil futures - whoops! You can't sign the paperwork because you sold your pen! A fun strategy game that teaches children an important lesson about the virtues of hard work and trust fund inheritance.
Barbie's Dream Favela
Play house the way most of the world does! Barbie shares her one-room scrap metal shack with Ken, Skipper, and eleven other family members, maintaining their model-thin figures with chronic e.coli infections and five mile hikes for drinking water.
G.I. Joe Street Sweeper Strike Force Team
The U.N. is a'comin' to town, and El Presidente is pissed! Only one man can save El Presidente from global reprobation: G.I. Joe! Help Joe and his troops clear out thousands of indigents and pave a new highway from the airport to the presidential mansion in time for the democratic elections. Lives are cheap but don't let CNN see the bodies. Go Joe Team!
Sodium!
Sodium! It comes out of the ground! Sodium! It's your best friend! Granular toy dolls based on popular nutritional components, Sodium and his pals Fructose, Lipid and good ol' Bone Marrow(TM) come from the TV screen and into your home in a thousand different ways. Let your children go to sleep cuddling with the super-plush Lipid in his pale green Hydro-Sac, with Sodium on the window sill standing guard. Coming soon: the Secret Sugar Adventurers Club!
Collector's Edition chants 'Brains is haaard!' in a sluggish monotone. With coordinated ostrich skin purse and pustulent grey flesh.
Two Pens
Hey boys! You're an orphan playing in the gutters until you find a working ball point pen! Sell the pen and use the profits to invest in oil futures - whoops! You can't sign the paperwork because you sold your pen! A fun strategy game that teaches children an important lesson about the virtues of hard work and trust fund inheritance.
Barbie's Dream Favela
Play house the way most of the world does! Barbie shares her one-room scrap metal shack with Ken, Skipper, and eleven other family members, maintaining their model-thin figures with chronic e.coli infections and five mile hikes for drinking water.
G.I. Joe Street Sweeper Strike Force Team
The U.N. is a'comin' to town, and El Presidente is pissed! Only one man can save El Presidente from global reprobation: G.I. Joe! Help Joe and his troops clear out thousands of indigents and pave a new highway from the airport to the presidential mansion in time for the democratic elections. Lives are cheap but don't let CNN see the bodies. Go Joe Team!
Sodium!
Sodium! It comes out of the ground! Sodium! It's your best friend! Granular toy dolls based on popular nutritional components, Sodium and his pals Fructose, Lipid and good ol' Bone Marrow(TM) come from the TV screen and into your home in a thousand different ways. Let your children go to sleep cuddling with the super-plush Lipid in his pale green Hydro-Sac, with Sodium on the window sill standing guard. Coming soon: the Secret Sugar Adventurers Club!