(no subject)
So, I've had a few days of being way too busy, stressed out my office when they thought I'd brought my pig flu germs in to them (everything is pig flu these days... it's really not worth the panic). And then I seemed to enter a period of relative calm. How wonderful, I thought. Everything in life is pretty much working out the way I wanted, apart from the housework getting done, but hey. Good is good.
Only... having watched Flashforward a couple of times, I know one of the quite shallow premises to be true: if you have an expectation of something bad in the future, you will probably work your way towards that bad thing being real instead of just in your imagination.*
I happen to have a very bleak imagination.
I thought I'd put it to good use though. I've got a slam competition coming up and, as everyone knows, slam poems tend to be quite funny. Well I won't be, I thought. I know, I know, talk about playing to my strengths. So I've written something dark and nasty. N found a page of the first draft and got quite worried. That in turn worried me... could I possibly be too bleak? I'm going to try the poem out tomorrow with the open-mic crowd at the Labour Club to get some feedback. Fingers crossed.
I'm missing perspective. I can talk excitedly about all the good stuff I've got coming up: work on Dodgem Logic, a gig with Sarah Millican in November, work, taking steps towards the life I want with N etc. It just feels like I'm talking about a great view seen from the top of a cliff while I've got bad vertigo.
... and I want to know where the me of last year is. That girl would have everything done by now and be less bothered about catching up on Masterchef the Professionals. Yeah, she knew what she was doing... and her house was much tidier!
So the creative me and the organised me need to find our collaborative roots again. This is why I have booked myself a creative staycation - all next week! Not just for writing in the house, but moving to cafe and library for the background chatter and white noise that distracts so much less than the Twitterverse.
Maybe that'll cheer me up. Who knows?
*Just like I know the exact denouement of Thursday's Question Time with Nick Griffin, before it's even happened!
Only... having watched Flashforward a couple of times, I know one of the quite shallow premises to be true: if you have an expectation of something bad in the future, you will probably work your way towards that bad thing being real instead of just in your imagination.*
I happen to have a very bleak imagination.
I thought I'd put it to good use though. I've got a slam competition coming up and, as everyone knows, slam poems tend to be quite funny. Well I won't be, I thought. I know, I know, talk about playing to my strengths. So I've written something dark and nasty. N found a page of the first draft and got quite worried. That in turn worried me... could I possibly be too bleak? I'm going to try the poem out tomorrow with the open-mic crowd at the Labour Club to get some feedback. Fingers crossed.
I'm missing perspective. I can talk excitedly about all the good stuff I've got coming up: work on Dodgem Logic, a gig with Sarah Millican in November, work, taking steps towards the life I want with N etc. It just feels like I'm talking about a great view seen from the top of a cliff while I've got bad vertigo.
... and I want to know where the me of last year is. That girl would have everything done by now and be less bothered about catching up on Masterchef the Professionals. Yeah, she knew what she was doing... and her house was much tidier!
So the creative me and the organised me need to find our collaborative roots again. This is why I have booked myself a creative staycation - all next week! Not just for writing in the house, but moving to cafe and library for the background chatter and white noise that distracts so much less than the Twitterverse.
Maybe that'll cheer me up. Who knows?
*Just like I know the exact denouement of Thursday's Question Time with Nick Griffin, before it's even happened!