i can't stand here in a patch of four-leaf clovers
things i've learned in the past week and one day that make me sound like a fortune cookie:
-- barbra streisand's "don't rain on my parade" has magical healing properties.
-- self-analysis isn't so bad, as long as you're honest with yourself the whole time.
-- don't be afraid to self-analyze. you are your best and worst critic.
-- follow your heart, not your head.
-- figure out if the good outweighs the bad. don't try to convince yourself it doesn't (this is where that following your heart, self-analysis thing comes in) because it most likely does. realize this. embrace this. don't let this get away.
-- don't be a control freak, because chances are, you won't realize that you in fact don't control every aspect of your life. by the time you realize this, it will have already crashed down around you.
-- surround yourself with amazing friends. they tend to come in handy.
-- don't be so afraid to give yourself completely.
i feel myself slipping into "old nicole." old nicole that listened to lots of emo and wrote out lyrics and drew a star in the same spot on her hand everyday and immersed herself in anything but real life. i'm afraid of old nicole. it has taken me a lot to become something closer to who i (thought) i really am.
i'm not making this private. old nicole would make this private. the nicole i've been moving towards for the past couple months (weeks?) is trying to let her guard down.
i was old nicole during high school and freshman year. after old nicole came kind of new, kind of old, kind of insane nicole. this nicole beame a bit more open, but closed herself off to a lot of things she shouldn't have. mainly a lot of people. this nicole was outwardly much more comfortable in her own skin -- outwardly. but this nicole also freaked out for no reason, had emotional breakdowns. this nicole was buried approximately one month ago.
we'll call the current nicole almost-real nicole. almost-real nicole is weak, is broken, is trying her hardest to find out who she is, to continue the opennness of kind of new nicole with the the fun of old nicole.
kind of new nicole is dead. kind of new nicole wasn't happy.
old nicole wasn't either, but it's what i do best. almost-real nicole is far too frightening to become. almost-real nicole can't find comfort and can't seem to handle that. so welcome back, old nicole. old nicole puts my guard back up. i'm safe there. not happy, either, but safe indeed. old nicole gets by just fine. and after all, she's turned out to be the most likeable.
oh, and welcome back, emo. can't WAIT to go to shows with my 13-year-old brother.
-- barbra streisand's "don't rain on my parade" has magical healing properties.
-- self-analysis isn't so bad, as long as you're honest with yourself the whole time.
-- don't be afraid to self-analyze. you are your best and worst critic.
-- follow your heart, not your head.
-- figure out if the good outweighs the bad. don't try to convince yourself it doesn't (this is where that following your heart, self-analysis thing comes in) because it most likely does. realize this. embrace this. don't let this get away.
-- don't be a control freak, because chances are, you won't realize that you in fact don't control every aspect of your life. by the time you realize this, it will have already crashed down around you.
-- surround yourself with amazing friends. they tend to come in handy.
-- don't be so afraid to give yourself completely.
i feel myself slipping into "old nicole." old nicole that listened to lots of emo and wrote out lyrics and drew a star in the same spot on her hand everyday and immersed herself in anything but real life. i'm afraid of old nicole. it has taken me a lot to become something closer to who i (thought) i really am.
i'm not making this private. old nicole would make this private. the nicole i've been moving towards for the past couple months (weeks?) is trying to let her guard down.
i was old nicole during high school and freshman year. after old nicole came kind of new, kind of old, kind of insane nicole. this nicole beame a bit more open, but closed herself off to a lot of things she shouldn't have. mainly a lot of people. this nicole was outwardly much more comfortable in her own skin -- outwardly. but this nicole also freaked out for no reason, had emotional breakdowns. this nicole was buried approximately one month ago.
we'll call the current nicole almost-real nicole. almost-real nicole is weak, is broken, is trying her hardest to find out who she is, to continue the opennness of kind of new nicole with the the fun of old nicole.
kind of new nicole is dead. kind of new nicole wasn't happy.
old nicole wasn't either, but it's what i do best. almost-real nicole is far too frightening to become. almost-real nicole can't find comfort and can't seem to handle that. so welcome back, old nicole. old nicole puts my guard back up. i'm safe there. not happy, either, but safe indeed. old nicole gets by just fine. and after all, she's turned out to be the most likeable.
oh, and welcome back, emo. can't WAIT to go to shows with my 13-year-old brother.