(no subject)
Sometimes, just every once in a while, I get so very tired of putting other's needs and wants before my own. Generosity is something that I usually pride myself on, it makes me happy. But I sometimes wonder where the line should be drawn between being generous, kind, helpful, and hospitable and being a fucking door-mat. I have a hard time seeing that line, and often find myself being forced to cross it.
But it's probably my fault. People are so used to Misty being agreeable, of me saying yes always, and trying to make or keep people happy. People get so used to it, that they assume that it'll always be so. And because I have a hard time with letting people down, and work so hard to remain kind and helpful and generous, they know that I'll keep saying yes, even when everything in me is screaming no. This doesn't of course happen often...but sometimes, just every once in a while... I really have to fight myself from becoming resentful, because I've made my bed, and now I've must stay in it.
Ah, fuck it, I'm taking a shower. I need to wash this resentment down the drain. It's bad for digestion, and I just ate breakfast.
But it's probably my fault. People are so used to Misty being agreeable, of me saying yes always, and trying to make or keep people happy. People get so used to it, that they assume that it'll always be so. And because I have a hard time with letting people down, and work so hard to remain kind and helpful and generous, they know that I'll keep saying yes, even when everything in me is screaming no. This doesn't of course happen often...but sometimes, just every once in a while... I really have to fight myself from becoming resentful, because I've made my bed, and now I've must stay in it.
Ah, fuck it, I'm taking a shower. I need to wash this resentment down the drain. It's bad for digestion, and I just ate breakfast.