(no subject)
why does everything have to be so confusing? why do i have to be one of those people who can never make up her mind? why can't i just know what i want and be where i'm supposed to be in life?
i mean, i have a general idea about things, but i can never seem to hone in on specifics. i know i want to do pr...but i also want to go to grad school for an mba. i want to stay with subaru, but at the same time, i feel like i might want to up and move somewhere completely different. and lately, after seeing all my friends happy in relationships, i want one of those too. but it seems my heart can't settle on the right guy.
i think my problem is that i constantly second guess myself. i start to think that i'm capable of something...going to grad school or having a relationship with a particular guy...but then i somehow twist my thoughts and emotions and end up having absolutely no faith in myself (or others, in some instances). i know i shouldn't and i should just stop thinking so much and just go with things and be open and all that other good stuff, but i can't for some reason.
erica told me last night, "maybe you need a guy that wants a relationship more than he wants sex." she's right. but that's not always so easy to detect and what if that's not enough? what if it's not enough that he wants to have a relationship? i need to feel something.
she also said, "it's probably one of those things where the right guy is closer than you know, it's just going to take some time to find him... or for him to find you." i gotta hand it to her, she's probably right here too...which i absolutely hate. i can't stand the state of inbetween. apparently i'm not the type to sit back and let the world happen. i prefer to be one of those making changes; doing something.
i seriously wish i was 30 already. that i know who i'm supposed to be with. know what i'm supposed to be doing with my life.
ugh.
i mean, i have a general idea about things, but i can never seem to hone in on specifics. i know i want to do pr...but i also want to go to grad school for an mba. i want to stay with subaru, but at the same time, i feel like i might want to up and move somewhere completely different. and lately, after seeing all my friends happy in relationships, i want one of those too. but it seems my heart can't settle on the right guy.
i think my problem is that i constantly second guess myself. i start to think that i'm capable of something...going to grad school or having a relationship with a particular guy...but then i somehow twist my thoughts and emotions and end up having absolutely no faith in myself (or others, in some instances). i know i shouldn't and i should just stop thinking so much and just go with things and be open and all that other good stuff, but i can't for some reason.
erica told me last night, "maybe you need a guy that wants a relationship more than he wants sex." she's right. but that's not always so easy to detect and what if that's not enough? what if it's not enough that he wants to have a relationship? i need to feel something.
she also said, "it's probably one of those things where the right guy is closer than you know, it's just going to take some time to find him... or for him to find you." i gotta hand it to her, she's probably right here too...which i absolutely hate. i can't stand the state of inbetween. apparently i'm not the type to sit back and let the world happen. i prefer to be one of those making changes; doing something.
i seriously wish i was 30 already. that i know who i'm supposed to be with. know what i'm supposed to be doing with my life.
ugh.